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Post by nancyb on Jul 7, 2017 18:44:12 GMT -5
Well, awkwardly and with a lot of missteps I have told my present paramour that things aren't working out for me and that I was still too hung up on my marriage to be fair to our new relationship. I refrained from speaking about the poor sexual compatibility or my general sense of ennui. I feel like a heartbreaker. There were some hurled accusations and nastiness.  |
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Post by baza on Jul 7, 2017 19:03:09 GMT -5
I can't imagine *you* generating the "nastiness" Sister nancyb , so presumably you were the recipient of the nastiness. Which would seem to suggest that dumping him was a real good move. A bit of pressure usually sees people act true to type. |
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Post by DryCreek on Jul 7, 2017 19:38:57 GMT -5
nancyb, was it harder than letting it drag out 100x longer and then trying to unwind it? I bet not. I'd say you've improved by probably 2 orders of magnitude. In the world of business, there's a saying that it isn't the people you fire that make your life hell - it's the ones you don't. It sucks that he was a dud. It's good that you dealt with it swiftly.
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Post by bballgirl on Jul 7, 2017 19:41:42 GMT -5
Slow clap for you!
Good job! Advocating for yourself! I think all of us here lacked that skill to get what we want or having a tough time getting rid of what we don't want.
Consider that a job well done taking care of what you want for yourself.
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 7, 2017 20:01:09 GMT -5
Hurled accusations? Nastiness? More was wrong with him than being a dud in bed. You've dodged a billet. He wasn't a nice guy. But people who ignore their partner's sexual needs aren't nice, and that is what he had been doing. He may not have been able to stop coming too quickly, but he could have taken care of you in other ways.
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Post by beachguy on Jul 7, 2017 20:08:00 GMT -5
Perhaps you never truly see a person's character until you break up with them?
Job well done and you did everything you could to let him down easy. You're a good person.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jul 8, 2017 7:12:33 GMT -5
Sorry to read that an a**hole found his way into your love life. Not sorry to read that you shed him like dead skin. I have learned since starting to date again that when the other person exhibits egregious behavior the best action is to grease the skids under them and give them a push off. How you do it isn't as important as the act of doing it.
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Post by WindSister on Jul 10, 2017 13:01:33 GMT -5
Yup, dodged a bullet! No need to settle.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2017 11:34:05 GMT -5
Well, awkwardly and with a lot of missteps I have told my present paramour that things aren't working out for me and that I was still too hung up on my marriage to be fair to our new relationship. I refrained from speaking about the poor sexual compatibility or my general sense of ennui. I feel like a heartbreaker. There were some hurled accusations and nastiness. I have a lot of trouble with this, too. I have lite-dated 13 guys in the past year. One of them decided he was madly in love with me, and I had SO much trouble ending it. I've been dumped myself, so I dread doing it to somebody else. But I have also learned the hard way that you can only stay so long with somebody who isn't really "it" for you. |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 12, 2017 16:37:46 GMT -5
nancyb it is better to cut it off now than to postpone it. It always makes me shake my head when a person gets nasty after a breakup. It is not going to make things any better. Why not just express some regret, but thanks for having a nice time with the other person?
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Post by baza on Jul 13, 2017 1:14:42 GMT -5
This is NOT a shot at you Sister nancyb , but to make a wider point. In March 2017, the bloke in this story was "a nice man" and the sex was "good, OK, great" In July 2017, the bloke has proven to be an inept lover, and has a streak of nastiness. The wider point here is that a bit of rooting - particularly after a long lay off - can colour your thinking. And, this is hard to avoid. Rooting, does tend to start some sort of bond forming. This is where a former ILIASM veteran is at their most vulnerable. Having come from a very low self esteem base to suddenly in the midst of a root-fest, the current situation can look like "the promised land" in comparison to where you were. When in fact, it sure may be a case of where you have "traded up", the truth might be that you didn't trade up by much on this occassion. Next time might be the same, another "trade up", but not necessarily *THE* "trade up". |
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Post by nancyb on Jul 13, 2017 7:20:45 GMT -5
Thanks Baza: I agree with you whole heartedly. I am taking some time to decide whether a good screw is all I am looking for or whether I am prepared for a real relationship. I do NOT want another lateral move and that's what I did. The relationship even had the similar interpersonal dynamics as my marriage hence the quick pseudo intimacy or lack of intimacy! I have learned a lot through the last few months moving ever closer to what I really want in a partner. I suspect I will make a few rookie moves along the way. Taking a few hostage hearts.  |
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