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Post by Venus Erotes on Jul 4, 2017 13:24:06 GMT -5
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Post by beachguy on Jul 4, 2017 14:41:10 GMT -5
Ye olde story of givers vs takers
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Post by DryCreek on Jul 4, 2017 15:05:20 GMT -5
Ye olde story of givers vs takers True, but taking isn't bad. I need someone who takes what I want to give, and values it. Dammit, the things I want to give that are refused... But she needs to be a giver too. On the same scale as me. I want an active two-way street. Imbalance / inequity is what really hoses things up. |
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Post by McRoomMate on Jul 4, 2017 17:40:29 GMT -5
This is really thought provoking I reversed it and put it as 5 Things that mean you are Perfect Match
1. Your partner and you share core values
2. Your partner appreciates you and lets you know it /shows you
3. Your partner respects you
4 Your partner cares about your needs emotionally and sexually (aka "intimacy" needs)
5. Your partner is a Care Giver
If I look at my failed SM - we had 1 strong, the rest just got neglected by both of us really over many years 2,3,4, and 5 just whithered away.
I will put this is my pocket for now and the future. Live and learn - a little bit more the wiser.
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 4, 2017 22:45:02 GMT -5
I disagree with this part of the article. The problem is that "you" were a people pleaser who never had the self worth to speak up about your own needs. You either trained your partner to assume that whatever they wanted was fine with you or you picked a partner who was selfish like that. Partners can't read minds. I'd have titled this, "You take yourself for granted."
". Your Partner Takes You for Granted.
You watch the movies your partner picked out earlier, you eat the food he decided to bring home from one of the local take-out places without consulting with you first, you dress the kids in clothes you know he will like. Meanwhile he never acknowledges any of this. He simply takes your submissive behavior for granted. In his mindset, it's assumed that this is how things are meant to be: take-charge man; submissive woman. It feels as if you could easily have been replaced by one of those inflatable sex dolls. Would it have made a difference to his behavior? Probably not. He would probably just have had more than his share of the Chinese food."
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Post by baza on Jul 4, 2017 22:53:25 GMT -5
"Five Signs Your Partner Is Not Right For You"
Alternative title. . . .
"Five things for you to rationalise, justify, explain away, minimise, and resentfully go along with"
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Post by wewbwb on Jul 5, 2017 21:39:08 GMT -5
I'm going to just assume that she used the masculine pronoun simply because it was easier and that she doesn't think this only applies to women.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 6, 2017 15:51:48 GMT -5
I disagree with this part of the article. The problem is that "you" were a people pleaser who never had the self worth to speak up about your own needs. You either trained your partner to assume that whatever they wanted was fine with you or you picked a partner who was selfish like that. Partners can't read minds. I'd have titled this, "You take yourself for granted." ". Your Partner Takes You for Granted. You watch the movies your partner picked out earlier, you eat the food he decided to bring home from one of the local take-out places without consulting with you first, you dress the kids in clothes you know he will like. Meanwhile he never acknowledges any of this. He simply takes your submissive behavior for granted. In his mindset, it's assumed that this is how things are meant to be: take-charge man; submissive woman. It feels as if you could easily have been replaced by one of those inflatable sex dolls. Would it have made a difference to his behavior? Probably not. He would probably just have had more than his share of the Chinese food." This is not just true for women. My refuser never lived away from her parents' home until we married. So I basically was her new parent. She expected me to take care of everything and she would enjoy my efforts. However, I am very clear that I am the one who allowed this. When I stopped doing this, she was flabbergasted. She was also unwilling to change her behavior. |
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Post by shamwow on Jul 6, 2017 15:59:28 GMT -5
I'm going to just assume that she used the masculine pronoun simply because it was easier and that she doesn't think this only applies to women. I was hoping the same thing. However, I suspect we are both wrong. |
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Post by wewbwb on Jul 6, 2017 16:19:45 GMT -5
I'm going to just assume that she used the masculine pronoun simply because it was easier and that she doesn't think this only applies to women. I was hoping the same thing. However, I suspect we are both wrong. Maybe she went to the University of Northern Texas. |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 8, 2017 8:21:01 GMT -5
But is there any advice for men?
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