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Post by worksforme2 on Jul 1, 2017 8:13:47 GMT -5
My current gf and I were talking last night. We met on POF and we sometime just drop each other a note there when a long conversation isn't what's needed. Since my profile is still up she ask how often or how many women message me. I told her it really varies, but probably one to three a month. She said she gets closer to 20 or 30 a month and currently has over a hundred males in her message slot. She would have more but after reading she deletes them on a regular basis( or so she says). I generally do the same, but I usually answer and give a reason I don't think we would be a good match. But I mush admit I have a couple emails from ladies that have me antsy. Their photos are current and they look good. Their profiles sound good on paper also and I'm seeing this crawl go across the bottom of my brain. ...Damn dude, you could probably be banging that in a few short weeks....And I feel a bit guilty re: my current gf.
I have historically chosen to be monogamous when in a relationship. But at my age now I am suddenly thinking there might be some pretty positive aspects to proliferating my pollen across a broader spectrum. I know males are geared toward spreading their genetic material as much as possible to insure their genes show up in the next generation, but reproduction with ladies of my age clearly isn't in the works. And besides, I thought that was limited to younger guys.
Is this some sort of residual after effect of being sexless for a few years?
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 1, 2017 8:35:30 GMT -5
I too am looking forward to answers. I have none to give you, only another question to add to your post.
You have a GF. Does this go back to H.S. days of the difference in a "steady GF" verses, just your GF?
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Post by worksforme2 on Jul 1, 2017 8:51:02 GMT -5
I too am looking forward to answers. I have none to give you, only another question to add to your post. You have a GF. Does this go back to H.S. days of the difference in a "steady GF" verses, just your GF? I didn't have a gf in high school. My family was dirt poor so my single mom didn't even have money to buy a car. When I went to college most of the money I had went to pay for my room and board, along with books. I did date one girl steadily my freshman and sophomore years in college but when that died I was pretty much date less until my senior year. I had my 2nd monogamous relationship. Others followed after graduation. |
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Post by bballgirl on Jul 1, 2017 9:06:11 GMT -5
I say have fun and test the waters. What does it hurt to reply? Maybe go out?
Maybe have sex?
If you aren't committed to each other or had any rules or boundaries set up then nobody can control anyone.
However I wouldn't tell your current gf you are doing this.
Just say you are taking the grandkids to a movie and ice cream that will buy you 4 hours of privacy.
These women may look good on paper but you don't know until you meet.
Maybe after meeting them you will like your gf even more!
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Post by beachguy on Jul 1, 2017 9:20:52 GMT -5
If we all tightly coupled our sex drive with the desire to reproduce we would all be quite Catholic. And we would all desire to be sexless except those two nights of our lifetime when we wanted to add to the nuclear family.
As far as I know we are the only animals that obsess over limiting our reproduction (particularly males). I haven't seen any evidence that most human male sex drives are coupled with desire to reproduce.
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 1, 2017 9:37:17 GMT -5
Since being with my post sm lover, the first new guy I'd had sex with in 36 years, I have not desired anyone else. We have now been together 4 years. I would love to have a profile on a dating site just for the ego trip of getting messages, but not out of desire to date or have sex with anyone else. However, I took down my profile when I realized he was the one. He never has had a online profile. We have agreed to be monogamous.
If you and your girlfriend agreed on monogamy, it would be wrong to sneak around. Be truthful and say you also plan to date others. Be fair and give her the same option. Frankly, since both of you kept your profiles up it seems both of you would like freedom to test the field. If either of you had found the one, you would have take down your profile.if you have no monogamy expectation then do what you want and also make it clear that she can do the same. Don't lie. I know couples that date others. Their friends know they have that agreement so friends don't give the stink eye if they are out with someone who's not their regular partner.
Keep in mind that women as well as men may want to date around. Don't assume your girlfriend lacks that interest just because she is a woman.
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Post by worksforme2 on Jul 1, 2017 11:05:11 GMT -5
I say have fun and test the waters. What does it hurt to reply? Maybe go out? Maybe have sex? If you aren't committed to each other or had any rules or boundaries set up then nobody can control anyone. However I wouldn't tell your current gf you are doing this. Just say you are taking the grandkids to a movie and ice cream that will buy you 4 hours of privacy. These women may look good on paper but you don't know until you meet. Maybe after meeting them you will like your gf even more! Picture the devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. In our 1st meet the woman I'm dating stated she wanted a monogamous partner and I thought, that's me all right. But now I am not so sure. We both still have our profiles up on POF so maybe we are both hedging our bet. Still honesty is big for me. If I dated other women I think I would feel compelled to say something, even though it might cost me the most dynamic bj I have ever experienced. (We are talking about a woman that can suck a softball through a straw).....Damn, this being forthright stuff can really have it's downside.... |
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Post by worksforme2 on Jul 1, 2017 11:22:12 GMT -5
northstarmom,.....We have not discussed being monogamous. But I know that is in her mind as at our 1st meet she stated she wanted a monogamous relationship. Her X had several affairs. And since we are having sex I expect that being exclusive is probably what she is thinking. I have considered that we both still have our profiles up at POF. I'm thinking she might have her profile up because she enjoys the attention and finds the emails from other males flattering. She volunteered she really isn't interested since she met me. I'm quoting "I know they just want to have sex with me". And at the end of our dates she usually angles for a commitment for our next date or seeing each other.
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 1, 2017 11:34:01 GMT -5
If you have not agreed to a monogamous relationship then continue to not offer one or hint that you are in one or want her to be monogamous. . Meanwhile, live your life as you choose without lying to her.
Even though initially after my sm I was not looking for nor hoping for a permanent relationship, I still wanted to be in a monogamous sexual relationship. That was for very practical reasons. I did not want to get an STD. I also got tested for everything before I had sex and I required that of my partner too.
I actually know a woman who got aids from dating a well known tv anchor. She had thought they were in a monogamous relationship. She broke off their relationship because he drank too much. A while later, he died of AIDS and she decided to get tested. That is how she learned she had caught it. Consequently, I not only insisted that my partner get tested, I also insisted on our using condoms. I stopped requiring that after I had developed trusted him and felt confident that he was not a liar or a cheater.
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Post by bballgirl on Jul 1, 2017 12:09:23 GMT -5
I say have fun and test the waters. What does it hurt to reply? Maybe go out? Maybe have sex? If you aren't committed to each other or had any rules or boundaries set up then nobody can control anyone. However I wouldn't tell your current gf you are doing this. Just say you are taking the grandkids to a movie and ice cream that will buy you 4 hours of privacy. These women may look good on paper but you don't know until you meet. Maybe after meeting them you will like your gf even more! Picture the devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. In our 1st meet the woman I'm dating stated she wanted a monogamous partner and I thought, that's me all right. But now I am not so sure. We both still have our profiles up on POF so maybe we are both hedging our bet. Still honesty is big for me. If I dated other women I think I would feel compelled to say something, even though it might cost me the most dynamic bj I have ever experienced. (We are talking about a woman that can suck a softball through a straw).....Damn, this being forthright stuff can really have it's downside.... I understand but I think it's better just to do what you want until you know for sure that you want to be monogamous with her. Again by dating someone else you may like her more. |
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Post by baza on Jul 2, 2017 6:58:40 GMT -5
Interesting viewpoints by everyone so far.
I've got a personal anecdote to share here.
Back when Ms enna and I were just friends on EP she also had a fwb she used to root.
She used to recommend I give it a crack too, and used to provide helpful advice to me about approaching chicks.
Apart from a couple of half arse efforts that resulted in about 3 or 4 "dates" with a couple of women (didn't get a root) I shelved that idea. The reward for effort ratio wasn't adding up.
I sort of envied Ms enns's fwb, thinking "lucky bastard to get a chick like Ms enna" even if only a purely rooting arrangement.
Anyway, after our friendship span out of control and ended up in an internet affair, she dumped the fwb. Despite the fact that we were unlikely to ever meet, let alone anything else.
Later, on, when we were arranging to meet, I raised the question about her sexual history, and told her mine (didn't take long !), and asked if she thought condoms might be a good idea lest we give each other the jack or similar. Breeding wasn't an issue. We both got a good laugh out of that conversation.
This is all apropos of nothing in particular, other than the funny thinking we can all do sometimes.
Had I been in a fwb deal like Ms enna was, I doubt I would have dumped the fwb like Ms enna did.
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Post by nancyb on Jul 2, 2017 7:44:39 GMT -5
Had I been in a fwb deal like Ms enna was, I doubt I would have dumped the fwb like Ms enna did Interesting observation. I am in a FWB arrangement and I see it as a sort of practice relationship. I would however give it up if I felt myself getting attracted to another man. Especially of the caliber of a gentleman such as yourself baza.  |
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Post by baza on Jul 2, 2017 8:31:18 GMT -5
Good one Sister nancybYou just got me snorting coffee out my nose there !! |
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Post by nancyb on Jul 2, 2017 8:36:53 GMT -5
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Post by WindSister on Jul 3, 2017 10:44:45 GMT -5
I haven't read all the comments, so sorry if this was said already but -- It's simple. Don't commit unless you want to and right now it sounds like you don't want to. So don't. When you want to, you will. Until then, don't. |
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