I just listened and it was a very good discussion.
Typically the refused are the givers and the refusers are the takers.
They did say that the givers have the control though and in a SM to some degree it's the opposite because the low libido spouse house the power.
However I think that we the givers allow the takers to get away with it by staying. The longer we stay the longer they feel more powerful and that they have us backed into a corner. They take our loyalty and giving for granted.
That only builds resentment and anger for the giver.
It's a time bomb.
Ultimately each individual is responsible for their own happiness.
If something isn't right in a relationship, and sex is a huge part of a relationship, then it must be addressed and the refuser have consequences for their poor behavior. If we don't address it seriously in the beginning then really the fault lies on us the refused for not advocating for ourselves and allowing the refuser to get away with the poor behavior.
I am guilty of this in my own marriage and I regret and own that.
I enjoyed listening to that thanks for sharing.
