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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2017 11:51:56 GMT -5
I've never considered myself an attractive male, it's true now and it was true when I was a teen. Consequently I never had any luck with women and lost my virginity at a scandalously late age. My wife was the first person who seemed to be interested enough in me to consider having a long-term relationship with me. Interested enough to agree to marry me five years after I met her. But as my introduction will tell you the physical side started going downhill before we were married. I think it's a combination of two things, she isn't physically attracted to me and she has a remarkably low sex drive. She has no interest in other men or behaving in a sexual manner. First of all, you need to improve your self-image. Go work out at a gym or take some martial arts. Do something to get your blood flowing. As long as you have this negative image of yourself, your life is now probably not going to get better. That's the bad news. The good news is you get to change your self image. You can change it, if you commit to changing it. As for me, I would prefer to live alone than to live with a person who did not desire me. Lastly, you are probably much more attractive than you think. Most men are, and all women are. |
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Post by Apocrypha on Jun 29, 2017 12:48:30 GMT -5
I like your question. The norm is that people come to this thing with an idea of a static level of dissatisfaction, which is being managed by talking about it from time to time.
Your question implies trajectory - which is really important in the tectonic scale of a marriage or a lifetime. Where is it headed? Where was it a year ago? 5 years ago. Is it getting better or worse, and at what speed is it doing so? Do the math. Does your plane have the gas to reach the landing strip, or by your calculations, will you ditch in the ocean?
I was watching something online about options for guys who are unattractive, physically. Some practical advice was to change what you can and go for a "butterface" look. That is - invest time and money in your physique and become especially fit - a really great body. You can get pretty far on that, and it's never a bad answer to be healthy and to use the body for something.
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hotmale
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Post by hotmale on Jun 30, 2017 9:44:33 GMT -5
I've never considered myself an attractive male, it's true now and it was true when I was a teen. Consequently I never had any luck with women and lost my virginity at a scandalously late age. My wife was the first person who seemed to be interested enough in me to consider having a long-term relationship with me. Interested enough to agree to marry me five years after I met her. But as my introduction will tell you the physical side started going downhill before we were married. I think it's a combination of two things, she isn't physically attracted to me and she has a remarkably low sex drive. She has no interest in other men or behaving in a sexual manner. First of all, you need to improve your self-image. Go work out at a gym or take some martial arts. Do something to get your blood flowing. As long as you have this negative image of yourself, your life is now probably not going to get better. That's the bad news. The good news is you get to change your self image. You can change it, if you commit to changing it. As for me, I would prefer to live alone than to live with a person who did not desire me. Lastly, you are probably much more attractive than you think. Most men are, and all women are. Uncanny. Do you know me? LOL I play plenty of sport including judo. In fact physically I'm in pretty good shape for my age and I'm never ill. I have a wide range of friends and lots of hobbies and interests. I reckon I'm a pretty interesting, intelligent and cultured person. But despite all that I've not met a single female who is interested in me physically. |
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 30, 2017 9:57:39 GMT -5
"But despite all that I've not met a single female who is interested in me physically."
Because you are MARRIED and most women aren't going to express sexual interest in a married man. You probably are unconsciously giving off signals that you're not available. You also may be overlooking signals that interested women send you.
I felt the same as you when I was married. I thought something was wrong with me. Caring women friends told me that I didn't look available. I never understood what they were referring to. However, after I got the divorce process started, men started expressing interest in me.
You also can't judge yourself by what happened when you were a teen or young adult. You are a different person than you were then. Women who'd be prospects now also look for different things than much younger women do.
Meanwhile, take a look at the avatar you're using here. Presumably you picked something that reminded you of yourself. Although you named yourself "hotmale", you created an avatar that looks depressed and otherwise sexually unappealing. The guy isn't even smiling. He looks disinterested.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 30, 2017 10:50:05 GMT -5
Uncanny. Do you know me? LOL I play plenty of sport including judo. In fact physically I'm in pretty good shape for my age and I'm never ill. I have a wide range of friends and lots of hobbies and interests. I reckon I'm a pretty interesting, intelligent and cultured person. But despite all that I've not met a single female who is interested in me physically. Ok, this is hilarious. I am a member of a judo club as well. I started last year, at 51, and I thought I was going to die after the first class. The rollouts made me feel like I had been beaten up. As for females being interested in you, don't be so sure. Women show attraction much differently than men. They are MUCH more subtle. For instance, when a woman is attracted to a man, she will consciously try to look away from him. Also, a woman will usually not show any attraction until the man shows he is interested first. Also, you can always change how you dress. Most of us guys don't think about clothes, but women notice everything. I have read that to a woman, a well-tailored suit is just like sexy lingerie to a man. When/if you start your new life, you can have a female friend help you choose clothes. Lastly, since you do have lots of friends, when/if you are available, you will find that many of the wives/girlfriends of your friends will be excited to set you up with women. All of them know attractive women who are looking for a man. Since you have many interests and hobbies, you will always be able to plan activities for a date. Many women love to go out with a man who takes the time/effort to plan things. So no, this is NOT as good as it gets. Your life can be a LOT better. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 30, 2017 10:54:16 GMT -5
"But despite all that I've not met a single female who is interested in me physically." Because you are MARRIED and most women aren't going to express sexual interest in a married man. You probably are unconsciously giving off signals that you're not available. You also may be overlooking signals that interested women send you. I felt the same as you when I was married. I thought something was wrong with me. Caring women friends told me that I didn't look available. I never understood what they were referring to. However, after I got the divorce process started, men started expressing interest in me. You also can't judge yourself by what happened when you were a teen or young adult. You are a different person than you were then. Women who'd be prospects now also look for different things than much younger women do. Meanwhile, take a look at the avatar you're using here. Presumably you picked something that reminded you of yourself. Although you named yourself "hotmale", you created an avatar that looks depressed and otherwise sexually unappealing. The guy isn't even smiling. He looks disinterested. Speaking of avatar's northstarmom, perhaps it's time to dump the alien look? I'm keeping my "Charlie Brown/Lucy football" avatar until the day I can come on here and say," Yeah!!! I'm DIVORCED!!!" Then I'll post some recent pics.. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 1, 2017 6:57:34 GMT -5
Hey greatcoastal and flashjohn You both are sporting Charlie Brown pics. Do you ever feel like you are one of the adults speaking to your kid W and all she hears is "wah wah, wah wah, wah wah"? Feel? Hahaha! I KNOW! She already has her DARVO locked and loaded with every conversation! I've had to retrain myself, so that at the end of every sentence I speak ,to then listen to her first word. Normally it's "NO". Then followed with a diversion, or a reversal. Then there's the complete silence, or "whatever" answer. These help her to get away with her "me only" logic. I have to interrupt her, before the conversation goes way off. I even have to use the word "STOP", or your not going to answer that are you?, or I asked you a yes or no question. Since you won't answer me, I'll answer it. Then I tell her of her childish ways and how she treats everyone in the house, what a controller she is, and how no one in the house wants to be with her. lastly, I repeat her words, inundate her with facts about all of her manipulation. Sadly she leaves me alone more and more, but uses her same tactics on the kids. Since my kids aren't kids anymore, I listen to there conversations with their mom. I later ask them, "did you notice how mom, doesn't answer you?, did you notice how your brother proves her wrong so often and she responds with, "whatever", or changes the subject, or says, "that's not my problem", or you need to work as part of the family." Like how Charlie Brown reacts to his teacher. He slumps in his chair with disbelief, thinking " OH BROTHER NOT AGAIN!" or "is this just as good as it gets? |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2017 9:16:58 GMT -5
Hey greatcoastal and flashjohn You both are sporting Charlie Brown pics. Do you ever feel like you are one of the adults speaking to your kid W and all she hears is "wah wah, wah wah, wah wah"? Unfortunately, you are correct. She never listened to me nor responded to anything I said. She only attacked. |
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