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Post by shamwow on Jun 28, 2017 12:42:26 GMT -5
As for telling her she is beautiful and you desire her, stop that! You may not be ready to hear this but a woman who doesn't want to have sex with you but wants to be supported by you is not beautiful. Regardless of her looks, she is not attractive. I am speaking from experience. I am 52 and left my sexless marriage in March 0f 16. Believe me, there is a lot to live for at our age! Do you have kids that are keeping you with her?Great advice, and advice I've actually started acting upon. Occasionally she will flash me her boobs, I pretend I don't notice. We went to a wedding last weekend, I told her she looked nice, that was it. I'm really thinking that this time, my feelings of pent up frustration are the proverbial "straw that broke the camels back".Nope, no kids keeping me with her. Kids: For many years that was an issue, I didn't want to leave because of the kids. They're both grown and flown the coop. I'm guessing the only things really holding me back are financial and material. I served 22 years in the Military and receive a pretty nice pension for that. If separation and divorce happens, I'll lose close to half of it. Then of course the home and all the other possessions. But the more I read on this site, the more I'm being convinced those are just material things......and financial things. Between my current employment and whatever I'd receive after losing some of my pension, I know I'd still be able to survive financially. Guess maybe its the fear of just starting all over. In a week, I get the dubious privilege of writing a check for $242,000 to purchase my emancipation. I get it. But I'm still gonna write that check. With a smile. |
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Post by shamwow on Jun 28, 2017 12:44:50 GMT -5
Yes, You know nothing will ever change. You know the difference between a reset and her desiring sex. You know there are other huge issues that are the result of a long term SM. You now fully understand the idea of counter-refusal, an inevitable result of your wife's plan to make you not want her. And you know she succeeded, brilliantly. All that's left for you is a huge decision. Good luck with that decision. Beachguy said "yes, you know nothing will ever change". So last Monday morning and twice the prior week, she was a willing participant - the term willing being a subjective term of course. I see it as her being a good sport overall since I am working hard on this house, and I "deserve' some action. Note that the control is there, shirt stays on unless I "insist", no oral, restricted touching, kissing, etc. nope, just do the deed. I get two positions but still generally starfish either on back or from behind. Now this past Monday she does not say no but after 15 minutes I begin to feel like an necro...so I stop, shower, dress and head to the office. She of course will pretend to be asleep until I leave. Evening - awkward but not too abnormal. The white elephant gets ignored once again. Tuesday, I just get up and leave early. I work from home after 11. She takes long shower and comes out fully dressed. Though I think she expected me to be ready for a romp. But I wanted her to make some sort of a move first. (and why do I think such things?) Last night she sleeps with our 9 year old. This morning, I work from 6-7:30 then text her (she took her phone with her in there) for sex. She wakes up after 8 and finally came into "our" room. Just to say, "something started last night". It has only been 10 days since her last period ended and there is no evidence of anything having started. So I reply like oh - wow, already? She apologizes then lies down on the bed (door open) like I'll be happy with that! So no offer of anything else, no other play, just the statement and no way for me to really verify or not verify the excuse. Now I immediately start thinking I need to finish the basement because I need to move down there for my sanity and a little revenge I admit. But I have just read many instances where that makes NO difference. Five years can go by and still the same. So I appreciate this info. I called a contractor first thing this AM and he's coming over Friday. I need help for 2-3 days to complete the basement but now I have concluded just for the sake of resale value of home just bought. I do not want to do this another year let alone 30 more. Baza clarified in another post that we use kids and anything as excuses to stay. But he is right, we're just afraid of the unknown after the split. And as he said, watching the peculiar relationships of my older children, I am sure it makes little difference. For my 9 & 12 year old, I need a plan. My life was supposed to be an adventure. I allowed myself to stay at the first stop. "Now this past Monday she does not say no but after 15 minutes I begin to feel like an necro" Oh, God...corpse position is the WORST! |
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Post by seabr33z3 on Jun 28, 2017 12:56:41 GMT -5
Occasionally she will flash me her boobs [/quote] Wow! Just Wow! How awfully decent of her. Good you pretend not to see. Time to step back. Stop feeding her ego. I'm sorry, but she doesn't deserve it and clearly it's not working or going to work. She wants to be housemates? Bite the bullet...for now...and give her what she wants. Be housemates. Just take some time out here to talk, listen and think a little more clearly. |
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Post by beachguy on Jun 28, 2017 12:58:14 GMT -5
No, CorpsePlay is the worst!
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Post by cagedadventurer on Jun 28, 2017 13:17:42 GMT -5
In a week, I get the dubious privilege of writing a check for $242,000 to purchase my emancipation. I get it. But I'm still gonna write that check. With a smile. Dubious - yes, But if you were unjustly imprisoned and after 25 years the warden made you an offer of paying him/her $242,000 for your release, how fast could you say YES!? It hurts less when you see it as a get out of jail ransom payment. I have concluded that without a partner who wants you naked when on vacation and enjoying what your earnings can provide, why spend that time with them - it's always a cat and mouse game. Anxious way to live out your retirement. |
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Post by shamwow on Jun 28, 2017 16:09:58 GMT -5
In a week, I get the dubious privilege of writing a check for $242,000 to purchase my emancipation. I get it. But I'm still gonna write that check. With a smile. Dubious - yes, But if you were unjustly imprisoned and after 25 years the warden made you an offer of paying him/her $242,000 for your release, how fast could you say YES!? It hurts less when you see it as a get out of jail ransom payment. I have concluded that without a partner who wants you naked when on vacation and enjoying what your earnings can provide, why spend that time with them - it's always a cat and mouse game. Anxious way to live out your retirement. Fuck retirement. I want to live my life now. |
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Post by baza on Jun 28, 2017 20:24:47 GMT -5
Well Brother bigbossfan , like most members, your story makes a compelling case that yours, is an ILIASM shithole deal. Whatever you might now choose to do, someone in here will have done it, and you'll be able to plug into that information whenever you like. |
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