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Post by Deleted on Jun 28, 2017 9:41:16 GMT -5
Well. Here's the story. I have a friend that I know which I once dated for a while, but I broke up with her and decided to marry my current W. Since then she got married and I got married. With the current situation with our SM, I have been looking at "alternative choices." Recently I have been thinking of having an affair with my old flame, not to break up and marry her, but to have a social and emotional affair. I not sure what she would say. So the other day I asked her to go out to lunch and she says no prob, we talked, I complemented her but I just couldn't break the ice about talking about my question. The thing is that I could not gage if she is happy or unhappy with her marriage, but I recall one time she blurted out in front of our friends that she wants to divorce him. Not sure if she means it or not, but maybe I could break the ice with asking her with that question. But I am not sure if this would be bad for our friendship. Not sure what you ladies have experience with situations like this and what happens when a guy ask you this question. But I am not sure that what I am doing is a bridge too far. Thanks. Well, just my opinion, if you decide to outsource, you should find someone with whom you have no connection. Since you are old flames, it is very possible that someone who knows both of you could see you and it could get back to your refuser. The fact that you want an emotional connection with her is a bit troublesome. If it develops, then you would likely leave your wife FOR her, and then you would be the bad guy. Whereas, if you leave now, you are leaving for yourself. You may find that after living on your own for a while, that you might have idealized the relationship with this woman, and be ready for someone else entirely. As always, just my opinion. |
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Post by sweetplumeria on Jun 28, 2017 9:44:08 GMT -5
I like the slow idea, coffee dates here and there moving into more.
You know who she was, dont forget to find out who she is. Just finding out might peek her interest.
Good luck.
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Post by twotimesone on Jun 28, 2017 10:22:26 GMT -5
Thanks. I think I might disclose that I am unhappy with my marriage and not discuss anything about going outside the marriage yet. Sometimes I think 10 steps ahead and that's not a good idea. OK my turn to ask you a question: If you've decided that your marriage is in a bad enough state that you are pursuing in outsourcing... then why are you preferring outsourcing over making an exit plan? My exit plan is probably a few years away when the kids are out of the nest. By then, I will have a financially better situation and probably kids don't care as much. The woman who I am interested in is also married with a child. With my W, she doesn't want to sleep with me for years and we sleep in different beds. Sometimes complains in front of my kids that I am a bad dad because I am more strict with the kids. I don't yell at her but I am more like living with a housemate at this point. |
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Post by Dan on Jun 28, 2017 12:09:49 GMT -5
OK my turn to ask you a question: If you've decided that your marriage is in a bad enough state that you are pursuing in outsourcing... then why are you preferring outsourcing over making an exit plan? My exit plan is probably a few years away when the kids are out of the nest. By then, I will have a financially better situation and probably kids don't care as much. The woman who I am interested in is also married with a child. With my W, she doesn't want to sleep with me for years and we sleep in different beds. Sometimes complains in front of my kids that I am a bad dad because I am more strict with the kids. I don't yell at her but I am more like living with a housemate at this point. Sounds good to me. (Not that I'm here to judge, or advise you "for" or "against" outsourcing. I just wanted to know if YOU have a reason in YOUR head.) PS: I agree with the caution about dating someone you know where you have common social circles. Presuming you both want to keep the relationship a secret, anyone you date will have to have the commitment (attention to detail and technical skill) to cover her tracks. If she slips up, it could be bad. If she slips up and you have overlapping social circles, it could be REALLY bad, or get bad REALLY fast. Factor this in, as best you can... |
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Post by twotimesone on Jun 28, 2017 13:15:40 GMT -5
My exit plan is probably a few years away when the kids are out of the nest. By then, I will have a financially better situation and probably kids don't care as much. The woman who I am interested in is also married with a child. With my W, she doesn't want to sleep with me for years and we sleep in different beds. Sometimes complains in front of my kids that I am a bad dad because I am more strict with the kids. I don't yell at her but I am more like living with a housemate at this point. Sounds good to me. (Not that I'm here to judge, or advise you "for" or "against" outsourcing. I just wanted to know if YOU have a reason in YOUR head.) PS: I agree with the caution about dating someone you know where you have common social circles. Presuming you both want to keep the relationship a secret, anyone you date will have to have the commitment (attention to detail and technical skill) to cover her tracks. If she slips up, it could be bad. If she slips up and you have overlapping social circles, it could be REALLY bad, or get bad REALLY fast. Factor this in, as best you can... Thanks. Before I joined this forum, I question myself whether what I am doing is the best course for me. So far, I have been doing okay for the 2 years when I outsourced to providers and I learned plenty about covering tracks. |
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Post by prayinghopingwishing on Jun 29, 2017 10:09:29 GMT -5
She probably knows that you want to reconnect with her. If an ex asked me to meet up for lunch, that's what I would be thinking. I mean I'm sure my ex has plenty of other friends to hang out with, so why call me up?
Just take it slow and feel her out.
Some suggestions of things you can do without just coming out and asking her to sleep with you:
- Try bringing up things you did while dating her and hint at how you miss those good times.
- Hold her gaze a little longer than expected. End it by looking down at her lips and then away- see how she reacts. Be a little flirty!
- Keep the compliments coming--her husband probably doesn't do it enough or at all--she will like hearing it from an old flame.
Good luck!
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Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2017 14:56:48 GMT -5
She probably knows that you want to reconnect with her. If an ex asked me to meet up for lunch, that's what I would be thinking. I mean I'm sure my ex has plenty of other friends to hang out with, so why call me up? Just take it slow and feel her out. Some suggestions of things you can do without just coming out and asking her to sleep with you: - Try bringing up things you did while dating her and hint at how you miss those good times. - Hold her gaze a little longer than expected. End it by looking down at her lips and then away- see how she reacts. Be a little flirty! - Keep the compliments coming--her husband probably doesn't do it enough or at all--she will like hearing it from an old flame. Good luck! This. I agree with the people who said, "Take it slow." |
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Post by lifeinwoodinville on Jul 3, 2017 21:19:29 GMT -5
On the topic of body language I have the following to add:
Is she twisting, shaking, or pulling her hair? Is she rubbing the table, leaning forward, then leaning back, then leaning forward again? Does she look like she is doing some crazy ass dance to music only she can hear? These are all signs that your date has Parkinson's Disease.
Don't worry, people with Parkinson's, like me, are actually better in bed. That is if you like clawing, rhythmic motions, and unexpected pelvic thrusts.
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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Jul 6, 2017 15:16:14 GMT -5
Im new here and have been reading some of the posts. I will post my story soon so as to not hijack this thread.
But this thread caught my attention because same as OP, I am at a point where I want to go outside my marriage and to my mind, recruiting someone who is in a similar situation to mine, seems like the way to go.
FWIW, I've had a couple of opportunities with exes from long before married life. With one, a recent divorcee, after a few conversations, I ultimately got around to explicitly suggesting sex. She told me she could not do something like that but we kept in touch for a brief while after that but the discussion just petered out.
The other, told me she would "try anything once", sent me bikini pics and suggested we go out for coffee on a specific day when she worked from home and had the house to herself. I agreed we should go out for coffee but ultimately we never did.
So mixed bag. I agree that you need to work the suggestion into the discussion and read the cards that she plays. Also figure out if you really want to rekindle an old flame or risk a frienship. In my case, ultimately, I was not really interested in rekindling old relationships other than the standard how are you doing, remember you fondly discussion. I would rather the adventure of meeting someone new, but in the same situation, that is, a SM.
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Post by shamwow on Jul 6, 2017 15:47:35 GMT -5
Look, I am perfectly fine if she says no to the affair. For my sm, I actually outsourced but I rather go with someone who is smart and whitty than someone who I want to screw with. Personally I am not that crazy about sex itself but I care more about emotional attachment with someone else. Yes, it does sound a little immature and stuff. But my main question for mostly for the ladies who are married, if another married guy who you know asked, what would be your response. Why the rush? Why blurt it out? Why not ask her out for coffee again. Then again. Then maybe dinner or a movie. If she's not interested you'll soon get the message. The other seems a tad forthright to me. She may in fact be up for it, but that may be the thing that puts her off. Good point...Look, I'm about the furthest thing from a lady's man you can get, but "Are you unhappy enough in your marriage to fuck me?" doesn't seem like a good pick up line. But like I said, I'm NOT a pick up artist by any stretch of the imagination. I would agree, though, that you mainly seem to be thinking of your own needs here rather than your "friend's". Remember, if this gets found out, you will have potentially blown up two families, one of whom is a self-professed friend. Seems a smarter idea to look for fresh fields if you are looking to outsource. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 6, 2017 15:56:59 GMT -5
Why the rush? Why blurt it out? Why not ask her out for coffee again. Then again. Then maybe dinner or a movie. If she's not interested you'll soon get the message. The other seems a tad forthright to me. She may in fact be up for it, but that may be the thing that puts her off. Good point...Look, I'm about the furthest thing from a lady's man you can get, but "Are you unhappy enough in your marriage to fuck me?" doesn't seem like a good pick up line. But like I said, I'm NOT a pick up artist by any stretch of the imagination. I would agree, though, that you mainly seem to be thinking of your own needs here rather than your "friend's". Remember, if this gets found out, you will have potentially blown up two families, one of whom is a self-professed friend. Seems a smarter idea to look for fresh fields if you are looking to outsource. |
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Post by twotimesone on Jul 27, 2017 13:27:35 GMT -5
Well, meet with her for lunch today. Somehow I got the vibe that she's not interested. No I didn't ask the question. At least I tried and I got my backup plans.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 27, 2017 23:28:40 GMT -5
if I met up with an old GF and wanted to have an affair I would just come out with it. That is my way.
She would already know the intimate details, so why not. If she is not interested then maybe she could help me get a girl.
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tori
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Age Range: 41-45
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Post by tori on Jul 28, 2017 18:08:33 GMT -5
Well. Here's the story. I have a friend that I know which I once dated for a while, but I broke up with her and decided to marry my current W. Since then she got married and I got married. With the current situation with our SM, I have been looking at "alternative choices." Recently I have been thinking of having an affair with my old flame, not to break up and marry her, but to have a social and emotional affair. I not sure what she would say. So the other day I asked her to go out to lunch and she says no prob, we talked, I complemented her but I just couldn't break the ice about talking about my question. The thing is that I could not gage if she is happy or unhappy with her marriage, but I recall one time she blurted out in front of our friends that she wants to divorce him. Not sure if she means it or not, but maybe I could break the ice with asking her with that question. But I am not sure if this would be bad for our friendship. Not sure what you ladies have experience with situations like this and what happens when a guy ask you this question. But I am not sure that what I am doing is a bridge too far. Thanks. 😋I almost got excited I thought you were recruiting |
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Post by neonspace on Jul 28, 2017 19:00:24 GMT -5
😋I almost got excited I thought you were recruiting I thought the same thing. I got excited too, just the thought of someone among us, that share this very special kind of misery, getting laid is somewhat uplifting. |
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