Post by baza on Jun 27, 2017 21:36:53 GMT -5
There have been a bit of a theme through a recent post by Sister choosinghappy titled "Well, the dry spell has been broken" concerning selfishness.
I have a view on that which I put up here for the membership to kick the shit out of.
I believe that most people are motivated by selfishness, and, I don't see that as being a bad thing.
I give you the following personal example.
From a purely selfish view, I am in the relationship of my life at this time. It delivers just about everything I want in a relationship.
If something came up to disturb that state, then I would actively resist it.
I love Ms enna, and my relationship with her and I believe it has further growth potential from todays base.
Now I can't speak for Ms enna, but I believe her selfish view from her perspective would say the same thing.
(That's what her actions clearly tell me anyway)
The only essential difference here is that in *our* deal is that our respective selfish views of what we want out of the relationship are the same.
Thus, it works just great.
Whereas in an ILIASM deal, the individual selfish needs of the spouses are poles apart, which essentially means that one (or maybe both) spouse is going to get severely short changed.
If in such a relationship the selfish needs of one are greatly different to the other, then you have a HUGE problem.
Take one of the relationship components, say sex.
One selfishly wants a robust sexual component. The others selfish need is to have no sex.
Both selfish needs can not be accommodated in that environment.
One of them is going to have to take a subservient position.
One of the spouses is going to get dudded big time.
Or you *might* be able to come to a compromise where the best you can get is a less than satisfactory outcome for each.
I believe that you / me / anyone is entitled to their own selfish view of what they want out of life or a relationship.
And in a relationship context, if the two participants selfish needs are pretty much in alignment, a sweet deal for both ensues.
On the other hand, and again in a relationship context, if the two participants selfish needs are pretty much NOT in alignment, then you have a big fuck up.
But as far as selfishness goes, I don't see it as a bad thing.
It seems perfectly healthy and normal to me.
I have a view on that which I put up here for the membership to kick the shit out of.
I believe that most people are motivated by selfishness, and, I don't see that as being a bad thing.
I give you the following personal example.
From a purely selfish view, I am in the relationship of my life at this time. It delivers just about everything I want in a relationship.
If something came up to disturb that state, then I would actively resist it.
I love Ms enna, and my relationship with her and I believe it has further growth potential from todays base.
Now I can't speak for Ms enna, but I believe her selfish view from her perspective would say the same thing.
(That's what her actions clearly tell me anyway)
The only essential difference here is that in *our* deal is that our respective selfish views of what we want out of the relationship are the same.
Thus, it works just great.
Whereas in an ILIASM deal, the individual selfish needs of the spouses are poles apart, which essentially means that one (or maybe both) spouse is going to get severely short changed.
If in such a relationship the selfish needs of one are greatly different to the other, then you have a HUGE problem.
Take one of the relationship components, say sex.
One selfishly wants a robust sexual component. The others selfish need is to have no sex.
Both selfish needs can not be accommodated in that environment.
One of them is going to have to take a subservient position.
One of the spouses is going to get dudded big time.
Or you *might* be able to come to a compromise where the best you can get is a less than satisfactory outcome for each.
I believe that you / me / anyone is entitled to their own selfish view of what they want out of life or a relationship.
And in a relationship context, if the two participants selfish needs are pretty much in alignment, a sweet deal for both ensues.
On the other hand, and again in a relationship context, if the two participants selfish needs are pretty much NOT in alignment, then you have a big fuck up.
But as far as selfishness goes, I don't see it as a bad thing.
It seems perfectly healthy and normal to me.
