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Post by JonDoe on Jun 25, 2017 22:17:38 GMT -5
My wife hasn't fucked me in years, but she is about to fuck me financially for the rest of my life. She is seeking permanent alimony, and unless I am missing something, there ain't a damn thing I can do about it!! That is permanent until the day I fucking die, and it is potentially going to be a shockingly high monthly payment!!! When I retire and my income is lower, I will have to still keep paying the thankless bitch every fucking month until I become worm food. When the economy takes another nose dive, I'll still have to keep making those payments no matter what. If my salary goes up, she can request more, but if my salary goes down, she will still get the same amount, month after month, after month. If I get remarried to a woman who earns a living, my STBX can petition the courts for even more alimony! However, if the STBX shacks up with a guy, but chooses not to get married, which she has already said she won't, I'll still have to keep paying her alimony, even if that guy makes as much or more than me! If she decides to cut back to part-time, that is her choice and she makes less, but if I decide to cut back to part-time, then I still have to pay her the same and only I make less. WTF? This is some mind altering, bullshit, legal fuckery!!! Even Powerball winners stop receiving payments after 20 years! Some wrongfully convicted, innocent people spend 10, 15, 20 or more years of their life in prison and don't receive this kind of lifetime entitlement. If you don't believe this could possibly be true, then read this article. I personally know a few other people this has already happened to recently in my state. Yeah sure, the guy makes really good money, but why should he have to pay her $80,000 a year for life when most people working a full-time job don't make that much? Think about that for a minute. She'll get that every year even if she chooses to lay on the beach everyday while you and I are at work! Isn't that enough to piss you off? Makes me want to bitch slap every law maker and judge, and quite a few money grabbing divorce lawyers too! money.usnews.com/money/personal-finance/articles/2013/01/23/taking-the-permanent-out-of-permanent-alimonyEntitled - adjective - believing oneself to be inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment: her pompous, entitled attitude | she feels so entitled and thinks the world revolves around her! Sure, there are extenuating circumstances, such as if one spouse is disabled, or doesn't work outside the home, or one spouse's earnings are below the poverty level while the other spouse earns six-figures. However, if both spouses can support themselves, even if it is considered a lesser lifestyle, then "thems the breaks". After all, there are no guarantees in life. Potentially good news if you live in North Dakota and can prove you are suffering in a sexless marriage, " persistent refusal to have reasonable matrimonial intercourse" is apparently grounds for a fault divorce, but how the hell would you ever be able to prove it? |
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Post by baza on Jun 25, 2017 22:57:57 GMT -5
A salutary lesson here that it is a real good idea to know how a divorce would shake out for you in your jurisdiction, irrespective of whether your marriage is made in heaven or is an ILIASM shithole - but particularly the latter. And, a further lesson. If you are holding off on divorcing because you are figuring you will get hosed, it is as well to consider that if you divorcing your spouse would be a sweet deal for your spouse, then your spouse might just figure that they may as well initiate the divorce themselves. *You* do NOT hold the sole choice of whether you get divorced or not. Your spouse can terminate the deal just as readily as you. And mebbe one more. Get out and vote next time your jurisdiction holds elections, and make your views known to the candidates. I am deeply sorry for this situation you are in Brother JonDoe But I sincerely hope that the price you are about to pay may serve as motivation for the membership to check out the facts in their respective jurisdictions. We owe you a great deal for sharing this information, and giving us a heads up about your jurisdiction, and for sharing so selflessly at this awful time in your process. Thank you. |
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Post by hopingforachange on Jun 26, 2017 5:08:26 GMT -5
Have you considered moving to another state and filling for divorce there?
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Post by JonDoe on Jun 26, 2017 6:04:01 GMT -5
Yeah sure, how would the payor know, let alone provide evidence any of these conditions exist? You would practically have to stalk the ex to have even a remote chance of learning about any of these situations, and even then good luck trying to collect any evidence and prove it.
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 26, 2017 6:15:13 GMT -5
John, have you consulted with attorneys (note the plural) or are you relying on your wife's report? What state do you live in?
My own belief is that freedom from a sm is worth the financial hit. And I definitely had one.
The only woman friend I have who divorced and didnt take a bit hit was a wealthy Californian whose husband gave her their $6 million home over his lawyer's advice. She is an alcoholic who had stopped having sex with him years previously. When during an argument she threatened divorce, he eagerly agreed although she changed her mind later. I suspect he feels any price would have been worth it to get out of that marriage.
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Post by JonDoe on Jun 26, 2017 6:44:14 GMT -5
John, have you consulted with attorneys (note the plural) or are you relying on your wife's report? What state do you live in? My own belief is that freedom from a sm is worth the financial hit. And I definitely had one. The only woman friend I have who divorced and didnt take a bit hit was a wealthy Californian whose husband gave her their $6 million home over his lawyer's advice. She is an alcoholic who had stopped having sex with him years previously. When during an argument she threatened divorce, he eagerly agreed although she changed her mind later. I suspect he feels any price would have been worth it to get out of that marriage. Yes, I have consulted with several attorney's. Can't go into more details at this point, but suffice it to say there is almost no hope of finding a way out of this financial nightmare. A big lump-sum payment with provisions for her to never be able to seek more may be my best bet, but haven't reached the final numbers game just yet. Of course, even that is a gamble because if she gets remarried in a year or if I have a medical or financial hardship at anytime, then by terms of the settlement, she is entitled to keep the lump-sum payment. There is that damn entitled word again! |
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Post by JonDoe on Jun 26, 2017 6:50:54 GMT -5
Have you considered moving to another state and filling for divorce there? No, but I wouldn't be against moving to a country without extradition. 😂 But seriously, I would've had to convince the STBX to move to another state prior to separation for that to possibly work in my favor. And not just any state either. Had I moved to another state by myself, then I would likely have been accused of abandonment, which wouldn't have worked in my favor either. She wouldn't have agreed to move in any case. |
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 26, 2017 6:59:50 GMT -5
So she'd get to keep the lump sum payment. You'd be free of her and still young enough to have a good life and save for retirement. If she becomes disabled the day after the divorce, she will not be your problem. Same would be true if she becomes a spendaholic or gains 400 pounds.
You were married 25 years. Am I right in assuming she was a stay at home mom? If so, she doesn't have the career options you have.
It is unfortunate that you were in a long sm, but the law doesn't take that into account since that was the marriage you chose to be in so long. This is hard evidence to others here who are delaying ending theirs. Waiting doesn't work in one's favor unless it allows you to get a settlement that one only gets when ending long term marriages.
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Post by JonDoe on Jun 26, 2017 7:23:28 GMT -5
Am I right in assuming she was a stay at home mom? If so, she doesn't have the career options you have. She does have plenty of career options she just chooses not to pursue them because a career takes effort beyond showing up for work and collecting an easy paycheck. She could easily make double what she makes now if she chose to, but why should she when she knows the courts will require me to guarantee that entitlement for her for life? |
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Post by WindSister on Jun 26, 2017 9:46:59 GMT -5
I am sorry this is not going to go down easy or affordable for you. I hope you can find an outcome that you can live with. It should not be something you have to pay for LIFE. That makes no sense. I can see a transitional period - give her time to get on her feet, get a job. But not for life. How anyone could even ask for that and still sleep soundly at night is a mystery to me.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 26, 2017 10:28:32 GMT -5
Am I right in assuming she was a stay at home mom? If so, she doesn't have the career options you have. She does have plenty of career options she just chooses not to pursue them because a career takes effort beyond showing up for work and collecting an easy paycheck. She could easily make double what she makes now if she chose to, but why should she when she knows the courts will require me to guarantee that entitlement for her for life? I am not an attorney, but I am in the middle of negotiating my own divorce settlement. There are three things that i can think of that will change /affect that payment. After the divorce , once your ex gets a job, it's back to court and reduce her alimony. If your ex gets remarried, no more alimony. If your ex passes away, no more alimony. There's nothing keeping you from getting re-married to someone with a high income, and you are now much better off financially, physically, mentally, and spiritually. My attorneys where discussing a new law about an amount as high as 35% being awarded in alimony. They also discussed certain judges that HATE alimony altogether. You won't know exactly until it happens, I'm afraid. |
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Post by bballgirl on Jun 26, 2017 12:05:51 GMT -5
Liquidate and leave the country.
She will never work or remarry if she's earning $80k a year.
Remember the movie the Ref with Dennis Leary?
"Lady your husband's not dead, he's hiding!!!"
I'm sorry you are going through this.
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Post by bballgirl on Jun 26, 2017 12:07:31 GMT -5
Have you considered moving to another state and filling for divorce there? In Florida, you have to be a resident of the state for one year in order to get a divorce in that state. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 26, 2017 12:54:58 GMT -5
Have you filed already? If not, there is a way around it.
In Texas, if you have lived her for 6 months, and in a particular county for 3 months, you are considered a resident for purposes of divorce. You could prove this by renting an apartment, registering to vote, and applying for a Texas driver's license.
Here, a spouse can get spousal maintenance only if he/she can prove that he/she is UNABLE to provide for his/her BASIC needs. Not what she wants, not what she is accustomed to, but only basic needs. There is a presumption against spousal maintenance.
I forget what the max percentage is, but the max dollar amount is not a lot and it is limited to TWO YEARS!
IF I was you, I would find a job here and move here as soon as possible. There is no reason for you to be screwed for the rest of your life. And it doesn't matter if she doesn't move also. If you meet the residency requirements, you can file here even if she is not a Texas resident.
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bigbossfan
Junior Member
Posts: 26 
Age Range: 51-55
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Post by bigbossfan on Jun 26, 2017 13:53:13 GMT -5
This has always been a burr in my saddle. Unless the STBX is incapable of working (illness, handicapped), there is no reason why he/she cannot get off their asses and support themselves.
Frustrates me to no end. Feel your pain JD.............incredible.
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