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Post by merrygoround on Jun 26, 2017 21:27:30 GMT -5
"..... less well off partner is entitled to receive spousal support, or alimony, to help him or her establish a new, post-divorce life."
This implies that there is a natural cut off point - one thinks when they can get off their lazy fat arse and work for a change. Like, perhaps one year. Fucking despicable that it is interpreted as indefinite in your case, JD. I'm sorry.
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Post by JonDoe on Jun 26, 2017 22:03:21 GMT -5
I am sorry this is not going to go down easy or affordable for you. I hope you can find an outcome that you can live with. It should not be something you have to pay for LIFE. That makes no sense. I can see a transitional period - give her time to get on her feet, get a job. But not for life. How anyone could even ask for that and still sleep soundly at night is a mystery to me. She already has a job and earns enough to fully support herself. Oh, she'll have no trouble sleeping. |
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Post by JonDoe on Jun 26, 2017 22:06:54 GMT -5
She does have plenty of career options she just chooses not to pursue them because a career takes effort beyond showing up for work and collecting an easy paycheck. She could easily make double what she makes now if she chose to, but why should she when she knows the courts will require me to guarantee that entitlement for her for life? I am not an attorney, but I am in the middle of negotiating my own divorce settlement. There are three things that i can think of that will change /affect that payment. After the divorce , once your ex gets a job, it's back to court and reduce her alimony. If your ex gets remarried, no more alimony. If your ex passes away, no more alimony. There's nothing keeping you from getting re-married to someone with a high income, and you are now much better off financially, physically, mentally, and spiritually. My attorneys where discussing a new law about an amount as high as 35% being awarded in alimony. They also discussed certain judges that HATE alimony altogether. You won't know exactly until it happens, I'm afraid. She already has a job and make more than enough to support herself. On the contrary, if I marry a woman with a high income, then the STBX can and will petition the courts to increase her entitlement! hope I can find one of those judges that hate alimony. |
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Post by JonDoe on Jun 26, 2017 22:14:55 GMT -5
Have you filed already? If not, there is a way around it. In Texas, if you have lived her for 6 months, and in a particular county for 3 months, you are considered a resident for purposes of divorce. You could prove this by renting an apartment, registering to vote, and applying for a Texas driver's license. Here, a spouse can get spousal maintenance only if he/she can prove that he/she is UNABLE to provide for his/her BASIC needs. Not what she wants, not what she is accustomed to, but only basic needs. There is a presumption against spousal maintenance.I forget what the max percentage is, but the max dollar amount is not a lot and it is limited to TWO YEARS! IF I was you, I would find a job here and move here as soon as possible. There is no reason for you to be screwed for the rest of your life. And it doesn't matter if she doesn't move also. If you meet the residency requirements, you can file here even if she is not a Texas resident. Damn, wish I knew that before this process started. Unfortunately, it's too late now. I fully agree with the section above that I highlighted in bold. |
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Post by baza on Jun 26, 2017 22:31:11 GMT -5
It probably makes no difference now, but it is reading like your missus did the lawyer consult etc and initiated the action Brother JonDoe , and you got somewhat blindsided to some extent, and thus forced into a position of playing "catch up". If that is so, then your story provides yet another lesson for the broader membership. Again, thanks for chronicling this situation of yours, it is really providing the membership with plenty of things to think on. |
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Post by nolongerlonely on Jun 27, 2017 1:20:17 GMT -5
In this day of equality between the sexes, what you need is a sharp female lawyer who is pro-sex-equality, and perhaps ordinarily fights for the rights of female clientele. If she really is what she says she is (the lawyer I mean), and can see the unfairness behind your stbx's claim,then of all people she should be able to cut through the bullshit and expose your stbx to the court, show her to be the money-grabbing person she is, well capable of supporting herself both now, and into the future. If the lawyer is well known to the court, for her actions helping in general other females, that by itself could help you, as here she is representing a man. Just a thought. I'm sorry brother JonDoe |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 27, 2017 7:56:46 GMT -5
Thanks for sharing the article. I want to offer you a glimmer of hope. The article was written 4 yrs ago. Things are changing in the court system, more in your favor. More and more women are making equal and higher incomes than men. An article like this covers a wide generalization.
I would recommend you get some numbers in your hand, pay stubs, tax returns, and then see what alimony will be like. In your area, and what the judges in your district have been deciding. What's that saying? 90% of worries don't happen. Instead you need to be concerned.
Alimony does not have to be decided by a judge. I just went through mediation. Alimony is a bargaining tool. She will start high, you will start low. Will you meet in the middle? The mediator said, " I've had people say, that's as low as I'll go, and then they get offered something else, and it goes even lower." So it can be difficult before a mediation to give you an exact alimony number.
Another factor in your favor is that your STBX sounds like a real peach! A judge is going to see right through that, and things can go much more in your favor. It's still a wait and see game.
A little personal story. My mediator asked,"what does your wife do for a living?" I replied she's an Electrical Engineer". The mediator looks at my attorney, and said something like," Oh...very black and white, zero compromise, no giving, knows everything, her way only". I've been reading the book "Say Goodbye to Crazy" It uses the same description of a manipulative controller, a narc. Then they say, "we see that a lot here, the judge sees it too, is used to it, and won't tolerate it. You'll do fine". There's over 100,000 of them (engineers) in our area. (NASA, Space Ex, Harris,GE, Boing, Northrop Grumman etc..) Nothing against any one who is or knows an engineer. My attorney said, " my H.is an engineer and he's nothing like that, I wish he would decide on more things".
You have a ways to go. A lot more things will be discovered, including your STBX's manipulative controlling ways. A lot of that can go in your favor. A judge won't put up with her B.S. Unlike myself, who had the wool pulled over my eyes for years.
Another difficult part is taking the high road, and not seeking revenge. I'm not talking justice, and what's fair and right. I'm talking about the way things are now. You are pure as fresh fallen snow. Your stbx is like piece of snow falling off the fuel tank of a semi. Don't be like her.
Yeah,... It's an hourly process, to not end up like her. To take, and keep the high road, while not giving in.
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Post by DryCreek on Jun 29, 2017 12:59:44 GMT -5
JonDoe, I sympathize. I'm tempted to spew a long rant on the topic, but I'll just say that I agree with you wholeheartedly. Being of the philosophy that marriage is a partnership, I won't argue the idea of splitting assets even though they might be due predominantly to one spouse's earnings. But alimony... that has gotten out of control. Rather than providing for a short transition to independent life, it's become an entitlement to continue living at the standard they were - and in the future, in a marriage they no longer participate in. Funnily enough, it's a one-way street. All reward, no risk. Certainly if you were suddenly wiped out financially years from now, she wouldn't be stepping up to carry 35% of the burden. Partnerships end when the partnership dissolves. This idea of retained earnings is beyond ludicrous.
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Post by shamwow on Jun 30, 2017 16:35:58 GMT -5
One word...
Ricin
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Post by Deleted on Jul 8, 2017 10:04:07 GMT -5
My wife hasn't fucked me in years, but she is about to fuck me financially for the rest of my life. She is seeking permanent alimony, and unless I am missing something, there ain't a damn thing I can do about it!! That is permanent until the day I fucking die, and it is potentially going to be a shockingly high monthly payment!!! When I retire and my income is lower, I will have to still keep paying the thankless bitch every fucking month until I become worm food. When the economy takes another nose dive, I'll still have to keep making those payments no matter what. If my salary goes up, she can request more, but if my salary goes down, she will still get the same amount, month after month, after month. If I get remarried to a woman who earns a living, my STBX can petition the courts for even more alimony! However, if the STBX shacks up with a guy, but chooses not to get married, which she has already said she won't, I'll still have to keep paying her alimony, even if that guy makes as much or more than me! If she decides to cut back to part-time, that is her choice and she makes less, but if I decide to cut back to part-time, then I still have to pay her the same and only I make less. WTF? This is some mind altering, bullshit, legal fuckery!!! Even Powerball winners stop receiving payments after 20 years! Some wrongfully convicted, innocent people spend 10, 15, 20 or more years of their life in prison and don't receive this kind of lifetime entitlement. If you don't believe this could possibly be true, then read this article. I personally know a few other people this has already happened to recently in my state. Yeah sure, the guy makes really good money, but why should he have to pay her $80,000 a year for life when most people working a full-time job don't make that much? Think about that for a minute. She'll get that every year even if she chooses to lay on the beach everyday while you and I are at work! Isn't that enough to piss you off? Makes me want to bitch slap every law maker and judge, and quite a few money grabbing divorce lawyers too! money.usnews.com/money/personal-finance/articles/2013/01/23/taking-the-permanent-out-of-permanent-alimonyEntitled - adjective - believing oneself to be inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment: her pompous, entitled attitude | she feels so entitled and thinks the world revolves around her! Sure, there are extenuating circumstances, such as if one spouse is disabled, or doesn't work outside the home, or one spouse's earnings are below the poverty level while the other spouse earns six-figures. However, if both spouses can support themselves, even if it is considered a lesser lifestyle, then "thems the breaks". After all, there are no guarantees in life. Potentially good news if you live in North Dakota and can prove you are suffering in a sexless marriage, " persistent refusal to have reasonable matrimonial intercourse" is apparently grounds for a fault divorce, but how the hell would you ever be able to prove it? I dont believe it Save |
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 8, 2017 15:11:06 GMT -5
"Sure, there are extenuating circumstances, such as if one spouse is disabled, or doesn't work outside the home, or one spouse's earnings are below the poverty level while the other spouse earns six-figures. However, if both spouses can support themselves, even if it is considered a lesser lifestyle, then "thems the breaks". After all, there are no guarantees in life. "
The "entitled" may be due to the lower earning spouse's sacrificing career opportunities in order to stay at home raising kids. They also may have taken a lower paying, but more flexible job for that reason. As a result, since salaries are based on experience and past work history, no matter how hard they work, they will never be able to catch up to what they could be making. Their career sacrifices allowed their spouse to flourish vocationally and that spouse will build on higher earnings and more work experience than they would have if their spouse had worked a more demanding career and thus taken on less of the childcare and other domestic tasks.
There are men here who didn't work but took care of the household and kids, and they, too deserve alimony for the same reason.
Unfortunately, there are men and womdn here who were the sole wage earners, and who did the Lion's share of child rearing and domestic tasks. They also will have to pay alimony. That is unfair, but is due to the fact that they let their refuser walk all over them.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 8, 2017 15:28:05 GMT -5
My recent experience . of my upcoming court date is unfolding in front of me. It's all about, "which judge you get". The judge I had was seen as highly in my favor by my experienced attorney. He now has minor surgery coming up. I was told about judges A, B, and C. If a spouse is a narcissistic controller, and shows it through their manipulation and control of money, children, abuse, etc... and especially their demeanor on the witness stand. Judge A will only go 50/50. Judge B would go 70/30 . Judge C would go 90/10. So it's not about justice as it is politics, and who you get!
Another avenue is attorneys. My STBX's attorney once ran for judge, and lost. He said nasty things and is disliked by certain judges who know him all to well. So much for blind-justice, and a fair trial!!
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