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Post by seabr33z3 on Jun 24, 2017 20:29:49 GMT -5
That should be saucy without the ' e' sorry...it means cheeky/ naughty/ sexy. British term. I didn't realise it had limitations to meaning across the pond. |
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Post by shamwow on Jun 24, 2017 21:47:30 GMT -5
I like the way you are thinking ahead generally Brother shamwowLooks like a good conversation to have, at the appropriate time. Unless a "whipped cream" event is imminent, you can probably wait until such time as such an event might happen. Not imminent but as soon as it can reasonably be engineered fuck yeah (pun intended) |
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Post by WindSister on Jun 26, 2017 9:33:51 GMT -5
I like the way you are thinking ahead generally Brother shamwow Looks like a good conversation to have, at the appropriate time. Unless a "whipped cream" event is imminent, you can probably wait until such time as such an event might happen. I agree with this. No need to discuss things before the discussion is actually needed. |
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Post by McRoomMate on Jun 27, 2017 7:04:28 GMT -5
Personally I would just keep it quiet for a while that you are dating again - the ones old enough to know might suspect and the ones not old enough to imagine it probably don't need to be told.
I like the other comments about PRIVACY and ORDER. Consider just a rule to TEXT in advice to make sure I am there - I could be out on my bike even if you see the car in the drive way (for example - just come up with some reason that is valid too on why they should call first before coming over).
Then . . . have a lock on the door if they might show up unannounced
And then . . . have a big Wardrobe or Walk-in Closet the lady can hide in until they leave or a back door.
Seriously, my feelings are my children even thinking about me dating someone else would be too much too early for them.
I asked something along this a while back and I got a huge consensus at least 6 months before introducing someone new . . . and in my mind that would include too even the thought of their father having the potential to date someone new.
Any how I enjoyed reading the posts and got my brain thinking this sensitive and important subject.
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Post by DryCreek on Jun 27, 2017 10:12:47 GMT -5
My point earlier is that you can set the ground rules without having to get into "why". While it helps at times for the kids to understand why, there are other times as a parent that they just need to accept it.
Meanwhile, another solution occurred to me... when my kids were young, their house key only worked on certain locks. When the bolts were turned for the night, their key wouldn't open the door. Other times, they could come and go freely.
At the time, this was a hedge against them losing their key (happened many times). Something similar might be a simple safeguard here. E.g., most folks seem to come and go via the garage door these days; there's no reason they'd need a key to the passage door, which would usually be unlocked.
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 18, 2018 12:53:18 GMT -5
I'm running into a similar situation. I get asked "where are you going Dad?"
Fortunately I get told what there manipulative mother tells them " I'm going out with friends". That's all she will say. If they insist on wanting to know more, she tells them ," that's all you need to know, I'll have my phone and I'll be home later tonight". I now tell my daughters the same thing.
So now ,I am going out on dates when it's my week to keep the kids. I just can't and don't bring woman back to the house when it's my week to have the teens.. Guy friends, or other families for dinner? That works.
My teens coming over during the week without notice has not been an issue, so far. The odds are pretty high that I will be alone anyways, or not home. If I do want to make plans I have a pretty good idea of their schedules and where they will be.
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Post by shamwow on Aug 21, 2018 6:35:51 GMT -5
Wow I remember how worried I was about this a year ago when I started this thread. I did wind up taking it slow with the kids. ballofconfusion did too. As a matter of fact I will be meeting her youngest two for the first time this weekend. I've got a flight on the books in a month or two for my own kids. I do suspect that my daughter felt a bit butt sore for a while. But I think that has more to do with me going to California every few weeks than anything else. |
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Post by elkclan2 on Aug 25, 2018 5:15:17 GMT -5
I didn't mention that I'd be dating. I sort of dropped hints I might want a boyfriend. My son - perhaps naturally - was most worried about how he'd fit into a new dynamic and how a new boyfriend might treat me. When I told him I had started seeing someone and it was reasonably serious - he cried. (He was 10 at the time.) That was heartbreaking. But when he found out there were two other kids coming into the mix he was a bit more interested. When they finally did meet we took it slow. An hour or so here and there. We did no overnights with all 3 of them until they BEGGED us. For a while after that, they would spend one night together and one night apart on a kid weekend. And now they fully expect to spend every night all 5 of us, but sometimes we do it at different houses and they're all quite on board with us all moving in together whenever we can sort it. As we're not dating anymore, my son will definitely be able to drop in the house whenever he feels like it. DryCreek stories like the 'mistaken invader' and shooting make me shudder. It's one of the things that compensates for not being in my home country anymore. I'm so, so, so happy my son doesn't have to do school shooter drills. Yes, I live in a terror target city, yes, I semi-regularly have to visit a prime terror target for work. But statistically we're safer. |
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