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Post by baza on Jun 21, 2017 22:43:37 GMT -5
Compared to, say, 5 years ago, has your choice to stay in your ILIASM deal enhanced your life ?
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Post by h on Jun 22, 2017 5:51:52 GMT -5
No. Not better but also not worse than it was at the beginning. The only thing that has changed is my awareness of it.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 22, 2017 8:01:27 GMT -5
My life is better now than it was 5-years ago but the changes are all internal. Then again, in life, maybe that's the point.
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Post by novembercomingfire on Jun 22, 2017 8:12:40 GMT -5
No, not at all. It did allow us to get to the point where we were mutually ready to call time of death. But enhance my life, no. It has been fairly miserable.
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Post by bran127 on Jun 22, 2017 20:41:39 GMT -5
Clearly staying (at least for me) has not enhanced my life in any way because if I felt it was acceptable, I would not have found this forum. I am really searching for that "enhancement" I am looking for, and it brings up a lot of emotions I have not felt in a long time. However, I have also accepted the fact that I shouldn't be complaining about something I have not made the decision to change. If I want it, then it is very simple, I need to do it.
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Post by mrslowmaintenance on Jun 22, 2017 20:49:38 GMT -5
Yes!
I know that is against the grain, but I am being honest.
I had a lot of damage done to me in my childhood that I have been revisiting and repairing. Without the support (emotional, mental, physical and spiritual) from my H and his family I would have left my marriage to be a pent up mess.
He has shown me how strong I am.
He has shown me how smart I am.
He has shown me how capable I am.
He has shown me the best happiness I have ever had in my life.
Guys weren't having sex with me before I was married to him, getting turned down by a guy at a bar because the friend your with is cuter/sexier/prettier hurts a lot too
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Post by bran127 on Jun 22, 2017 20:59:23 GMT -5
Yes! I know that is against the grain, but I am being honest. I had a lot of damage done to me in my childhood that I have been revisiting and repairing. Without the support (emotional, mental, physical and spiritual) from my H and his family I would have left my marriage to be a pent up mess. He has shown me how strong I am. He has shown me how smart I am. He has shown me how capable I am. He has shown me the best happiness I have ever had in my life. Guys weren't having sex with me before I was married to him, getting turned down by a guy at a bar because the friend your with is cuter/sexier/prettier hurts a lot too I was always One of the guys and a huge tomboy, so most guys never took a second look at me. They were always begging me to set them up with my very attractive friends. I have been thinking a lot about that lately wondering if that is why I have stayed. Hard To think about that. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 22, 2017 21:19:11 GMT -5
Yes! I know that is against the grain, but I am being honest. I had a lot of damage done to me in my childhood that I have been revisiting and repairing. Without the support (emotional, mental, physical and spiritual) from my H and his family I would have left my marriage to be a pent up mess. He has shown me how strong I am. He has shown me how smart I am. He has shown me how capable I am. He has shown me the best happiness I have ever had in my life. Guys weren't having sex with me before I was married to him, getting turned down by a guy at a bar because the friend your with is cuter/sexier/prettier hurts a lot too All four, of the above mentioned, are admirable qualities for a strong foundation of a healthy marriage. I personally (and I am guessing many others on here would agree) would like very much to be able to say the same things about what we receive from our spouse! So I hesitate to say this, but it registers strong on this forum. So here it is..... Where's the other half? The part that comes with a marriage, not just a business partner? He has shown me how much he constantly desires me. He has shown me that I deserve to be cherished. He has always been selfless at filling my sexual needs. He has fallen short, at times but that's okay, (where all human) there's been enough really good times of intimacy, compassion, and sex, to make up for it, and there is little doubt that we will remain that way. He has shown me that we can honestly communicate about anything. He has shown me that I can trust him with my secrets, and desires, without fear of being judged. I ask this like I am talking to my own daughter, (i am old enough to be your dad) because I want you to have ALL these things, not half. |
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Post by DryCreek on Jun 22, 2017 22:39:20 GMT -5
Boy, baza, many layers to this one... Has the whole ordeal made me a better person? Yes and no. I've gained a degree of self-awareness and introspection that simply wouldn't have happened without trying fruitlessly to figure out how I was so broken to have caused this. But it's also wreaked havoc on self-esteem. Most of the introspection happened more than 5 years ago, though. My situation sucks less today than it did 5 years ago. Mostly due to lowered expectations on my part. I'm still missing out on a huge slice of life, but I'm less sad about it. Staying hasn't enhanced that, but it's an improvement for the period. My kids have survived high school and some tough life lessons in the last 5 years. I've been around for those opportunistic moments of support and guidance. (Why do all the deep, soul-baring, life-changing conversations have to start at 11:00pm?!) Staying has clearly benefited these opportunities. Am I glad I was here for that? Damn straight. Especially as they're transitioning to independent life (and all those details we used to handle for them), making binding legal commitments, and facing hard consequences to their actions... I think it's a critical time to be a convenient sounding board. But yeah, I also wish I'd done my part to improve the national sex statistics. We're talking hundreds and hundreds of missed opportunities. And that's before considering that they might have been *good* too... Man. |
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Post by lifeinwoodinville on Jun 23, 2017 9:13:26 GMT -5
No, it has not. I was typing up a response to this last night but I found it too depressing to post. So instead, I got high and exchanged naked photos and dirty talk with a friend of mine. Doing that with her was leaps and bounds better then rehashing my marital failures. Probably some kind of lesson to be learned here, but right now I'm just going to enjoy my morning bath and not worry about it.
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Post by novembercomingfire on Jun 23, 2017 9:21:21 GMT -5
No, it has not. I was typing up a response to this last night but I found it too depressing to post. So instead, I got high and exchanged naked photos and dirty talk with a friend of mine. Doing that with her was leaps and bounds better then rehashing my marital failures. Probably some kind of lesson to be learned here, but right now I'm just going to enjoy my morning bath and not worry about it. Good. For. You. |
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Post by Apocrypha on Jun 23, 2017 10:47:34 GMT -5
Guys weren't having sex with me before I was married to him, getting turned down by a guy at a bar because the friend your with is cuter/sexier/prettier hurts a lot too Do you believe that if he doesn't want you, that nobody ever will? |
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Post by mrslowmaintenance on Jun 23, 2017 12:14:17 GMT -5
Guys weren't having sex with me before I was married to him, getting turned down by a guy at a bar because the friend your with is cuter/sexier/prettier hurts a lot too Do you believe that if he doesn't want you, that nobody ever will? No. I'm saying going out and getting publicly rejected for a better specimen is really hard on your emotions and self image. The world is full of people with all sorts of definitions of beauty, there would be enough people that find me physically appealing. I don't want to find out how many don't. Particularly, when I have someone at home who does. |
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Post by shamwow on Jun 23, 2017 12:37:35 GMT -5
Do you believe that if he doesn't want you, that nobody ever will? No. I'm saying going out and getting publicly rejected for a better specimen is really hard on your emotions and self image. The world is full of people with all sorts of definitions of beauty, there would be enough people that find me physically appealing. I don't want to find out how many don't. Particularly, when I have someone at home who does. I don't disagree that rejection is hard on the emotions. But I'd personally rather be rejected by someone early than after years when you are emotionally invested. That really sucks. |
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Post by mrslowmaintenance on Jun 23, 2017 12:38:30 GMT -5
I would like to add. I genuinely believe my H has a low T issue. My H does think I am attractive and shoes me he does through words and touch. Does he pay attention to all of me like I want him to? Not really, but as we talk more and more about how we feel and how each other wants physical and emotional connection we are getting more out there. And he is starting to touch and pay attention to areas we have talked about. I am more confident now than the last big talk we had (about a year and a half ago) and have been a lot more open to what I really want/need. Was some of this my fault? Oh hell yes. We have talked at length many times before. I have realizing now with all the other stories and glimpses of life that I contributed so much more to my situation than I had imagined. I was the one who would pull away after it had been a time, I was the one who wasn't talking, I was bitter and resentful at times when I could have been open and honest. I think my marriage actually has a serious chance at lasting and being happy and fulfilling. I am not sure if it will be everything I could ever want in the bedroom but I can't expect him to do something that makes them uncomfortable... Just as I expect him to respect the thing I am not interested in in bed. There is one thing in particular that I am pretty dead set on but that's another story  Anyway, I just wanted to summerize that there has been positive change in the last six months that I truly believe is worth following through with |
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