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Post by lwoetin on Jun 16, 2017 7:31:34 GMT -5
Yes cause my w is my soulmate. I'm ok if sex was just ok. But it wasn't. So it's an adventure, perhaps of a lifetime. Nowadays, things are wonderful.
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Post by lifeinwoodinville on Jun 16, 2017 8:30:14 GMT -5
Well, it's been twenty hours since I posted the poll and "Yes" is ahead 10 to 7. Not really what I was expecting from our group. Be honest, it was the unicorn wasn't it? People love unicorns! Can't have sex with a damned unicorn people!
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Post by beachguy on Jun 16, 2017 8:52:11 GMT -5
Yes cause my w is my soulmate. I'm ok if sex was just ok. But it wasn't. So it's an adventure, perhaps of a lifetime. Nowadays, things are wonderful. Interesting, this is how you described your wonderful life just 2 weeks ago... I'm also surprised at the ratio of Yes responses here. |
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Post by novembercomingfire on Jun 16, 2017 10:27:47 GMT -5
Funny, but when i first examined this issue, i quickly determined that pretty much everything sucks on top of the sexlessness.
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Post by beachguy on Jun 16, 2017 11:06:59 GMT -5
Well, it's been twenty hours since I posted the poll and "Yes" is ahead 10 to 7. Not really what I was expecting from our group. Be honest, it was the unicorn wasn't it? People love unicorns! Can't have sex with a damned unicorn people! Actually, from a certain point of view it is the most expected outcome. The divorce rate is over 50% now, so surely most people in sexless marriages just get divorced, without pissing most of their best years away, waiting for some miracle that never occurs. This forum is all the other people that have stuck it out for decades in most cases. Given that most people here are still married, and have no imminent plans to leave (*) it should be obvious that for most here, enforced celibacy is not actually a deal breaker. Even without the fantasy unicorns promised in the hypothetical poll here. (*) - bitching and complaining here about their celibate life, and plotting and scheming in a fantasy environment about what they might do (but never get around to doing) is not an imminent plan to leave. |
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Post by Apocrypha on Jun 16, 2017 14:48:34 GMT -5
I'm not in a good frame of mind right now. The kids being gone is a reality this week. My week is already fifty hours, I'm working tomorrow and the weekend, and things are going great. I got a sisterly peck on the lips tonight with a warm hug. I'm sorry. I just can't do this any more. I need a real woman in my life. There's having a real woman in your life, and that's great. Before that, there's having nobody in your life. You might think you have that right now, but what you have is actually more harmful. You have a woman in your life who is actively averse to being your lover and a romantic partner. Once the sting of the amputation was made, I found that the loneliness of being alone was less hopeless and harmful than the constant esteem-obliterating humiliation of being partnered to a wife who viewed me with resentment, romantic indifference, and disgust. There was a considerable amount of time that I would sit on my porch because I wasn't ready to walk into a house in which I felt so unwanted and unwelcome. |
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Post by choosinghappy on Jun 16, 2017 15:09:37 GMT -5
I replied yes. For now. Because honestly, since I am still in my marriage I am currently choosing yes. There's no unicorn riding or cancer curing but my life is pretty effing sweet right now. Minus the sex - oh right, that. The reason I'm here taking part in this forum is to help decide whether or not all the great stuff in my life is enough to make up for that one (major) missing piece. I don't know the answer yet. I voted No. Emphatically, if I could of. What's the difference between you and me? 30 years. Of increasing misery. You see, I KNOW what it's like to spend 30 years in sexless purgatory, but you don't. Perhaps you can't even fathom it. There is a fallacy in the poll question. If you are truly a sexual person, then it is IMPOSSIBLE to live a lifetime of enforced celibacy and have "everything is ok bar the sex". This is something 50-60 year olds get, after a lifetime of enforced celibacy, that many younger people do not. I'm not busting your chops. I'm trying to explain something that I wish someone had explained to me 30 years ago. And I appreciate it. It's an interesting place to be in as I am new to truly acknowledging this major issue in my marriage - listening to people who have been there and lived it for many many years and knowing that you are right but at the same time feeling like "well that will never be ME"! I know it's naive. I just don't know how long it will take me to give up the naivete. |
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Post by hopingforachange on Jun 16, 2017 15:21:58 GMT -5
So, I think i am one of the few here that has a decent marriage except for the sex. We communicate well and are happy, BUT the just enough sex so I don't starve, was a major contributor in depression.
I will give the W credit, the frequency has improved, excluding the last month due to her being sick and then my surgery. BUT she was not actively willing to find a way to have sex or other things with my limitations.
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Post by beachguy on Jun 16, 2017 15:49:55 GMT -5
So, I think i am one of the few here that has a decent marriage except for the sex. We communicate well and are happy, BUT the just enough sex so I don't starve, was a major contributor in depression. I will give the W credit, the frequency has improved, excluding the last month due to her being sick and then my surgery. BUT she was not actively willing to find a way to have sex or other things with my limitations. You've only been in the SM game for 10 years. Check back in another 10, and then 20 years from now. Same advice I just gave lonelywifey... |
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Post by hopingforachange on Jun 16, 2017 15:52:57 GMT -5
So, I think i am one of the few here that has a decent marriage except for the sex. We communicate well and are happy, BUT the just enough sex so I don't starve, was a major contributor in depression. I will give the W credit, the frequency has improved, excluding the last month due to her being sick and then my surgery. BUT she was not actively willing to find a way to have sex or other things with my limitations. You've only been in the SM game for 10 years. Check back in another 10, and then 20 years from now. Same advice I just gave lonelywifey... Oh sorry didn't finish my post (W came home early). I picked NO, I will not stay. |
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Post by Apocrypha on Jun 16, 2017 17:02:58 GMT -5
I view marriage as a romantic partnership, among other things.
The relationship I had, while married legally - had little practical resemblance to a marriage as either of us conceived of it.
So, I ended "the marriage".
I still have a relationship with that person. That relationship is ex-spouse, co-parent, and co-owner of shared assets.
So, I haven't "left the relationship".
I have instead changed the aspiration of the relationship to more accurately reflect our lived reality.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Jun 16, 2017 23:09:24 GMT -5
When I first joined ILIASM on EP, I was one who said "everything is great, except..."
In hindsight, I can see the other problems that were there.
IMHO, sex is the canary in the coal mine. Trouble in your sex life often is a sign that there are other problems.
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meerin
Junior Member
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Post by meerin on Jun 17, 2017 9:14:15 GMT -5
No, I need to be touched and feel like I am desired and wanted. I've tried to stay when everything is okay-ish, but I'm failing miserably.
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Post by lyn on Jun 17, 2017 12:23:50 GMT -5
If one is a "sex person", then it seems "everything" CAN'T honestly, categorically, be great - it's just ones mind deluding one's self into "thinking" it's *great bar the sex".
Thank god for self-delusion. Or not.
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Post by novembercomingfire on Jun 17, 2017 15:40:44 GMT -5
If one is a "sex person", then it seems "everything" CAN'T honestly, categorically, be great - it's just ones mind deluding one's self into "thinking" it's *great bar the sex". Thank god for self-delusion. Or not. It works. Until it doesn't work anymore ... |
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