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Post by lifeinwoodinville on Jun 15, 2017 12:05:51 GMT -5
We have all heard it and some of us have said it. We all know it's crap, but what if it were true? Everything is great except for the sex, would you want that relationship?
Picture it, you get done riding your unicorn, you hop in your car that runs on salt water and start driving home. You briefly stop for a red light and text in your cure for cancer which you've been working on all morning. You walk into your home to find your spouse in the sunny breakfast room. They look amazing! You lean over to give them a kiss and you are presented their cheek. Your spouse says "The kids are going away for the weekend, we have the house to ourselves! Shall we go antiquing, or invite the Pickering's over to watch the game on the new 120" tv?" In your mind you are thinking sex-a-thon, but your spouse doesn't do that. "I don't see why we cannot do both!" you say. They reply "You are right, you are so smart! I'll be back, I need to change into something less comfortable that doesn't show so much skin, maybe a snowsuit."
I'll be curious to hear what people have to say.
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Post by choosinghappy on Jun 15, 2017 12:23:26 GMT -5
I replied yes. For now. Because honestly, since I am still in my marriage I am currently choosing yes. There's no unicorn riding or cancer curing but my life is pretty effing sweet right now. Minus the sex - oh right, that. The reason I'm here taking part in this forum is to help decide whether or not all the great stuff in my life is enough to make up for that one (major) missing piece. I don't know the answer yet.
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Post by h on Jun 15, 2017 12:27:33 GMT -5
In all honesty, if I were happy with everything else, I could learn to live with the limited sex. The truth is that I will never be happy with everything else. One of my jobs is very stressful but I can't leave it and pay the bills. I have no social life and no support system from family or friends. The sex is what makes the rest of life tolerable.
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Post by Chatter Fox on Jun 15, 2017 13:44:09 GMT -5
I voted no. But, I had a complete and utter celibate but married lifestyle in mind when I answered. Been there done that and I'm not going back. I guess, for me, my answer depends. How bad is the sex? How infrequent? I'd take a certain amount of sexual scraps and crumbs if everything else was great. I wouldn't be happy, but I'd take it. If I'm completely and utterly celibate though? Nope. Can't do it anymore.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 15, 2017 13:58:47 GMT -5
I'm staying when everything is so-so and there's no sex. I'll take an improvement any day.
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Post by bballgirl on Jun 15, 2017 14:35:59 GMT -5
I replied yes. I believe I would have and just outsourced but I also do not believe there is such thing as everything is great bar the sex.
Sex is a barometer of the marriage.
You may think it's great but you are in a fog and most likely being fooled by your refuser.
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Post by merrygoround on Jun 15, 2017 15:26:23 GMT -5
I can't vote. There is no sex and everything else is not great either.
Kids - yeah, bloody brilliant.
Everything else, no.
It's all intertwined.
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Post by baza on Jun 16, 2017 0:02:59 GMT -5
I think that if my deal had truly been great - apart from the sex - I probably would have stayed.
So I have voted - "Yes".
I stayed far too long in my deal in extremely sub-optimal circumstances.
Fuck knows how long I might have stayed had it been half reasonable, let alone "great" (bar the sex)
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Post by ironhamster on Jun 16, 2017 0:57:00 GMT -5
I'm not in a good frame of mind right now. The kids being gone is a reality this week. My week is already fifty hours, I'm working tomorrow and the weekend, and things are going great. I got a sisterly peck on the lips tonight with a warm hug.
I'm sorry. I just can't do this any more. I need a real woman in my life.
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 16, 2017 1:23:37 GMT -5
If I had a partner who was sexually capable but refused sex with me, it would not be possible for everything to be great except for sex. It would be as impossible as my suffering from starvation but thinking everything was great except for the fact that my partner refuses to allow me to eat the food in our fully stocked larder.
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Post by ironhamster on Jun 16, 2017 3:35:23 GMT -5
If I had a partner who was sexually capable but refused sex with me, it would not be possible for everything to be great except for sex. It would be as impossible as my suffering from starvation but thinking everything was great except for the fact that my partner refuses to allow me to eat the food in our fully stocked larder. I cannot possibly give this enough likes. |
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Post by nolongerlonely on Jun 16, 2017 3:55:27 GMT -5
Well I tried saying yes to that for about 18 years, and its proven to be a 'fail' of epic proportions, causing personal regression, depression, loneliness, and resentment towards my partner, who just as northstarmom says, is medically capable, but refuses. So, on reflection, its a no from me. I think there should be a 'maybe' option. That would have covered me for ages, during the 'giving it the benefit of the doubt', 'maybe it will change', 'uncertainty', 'not rocking the boat' and 'putting the family first' stages. |
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Post by McRoomMate on Jun 16, 2017 4:24:34 GMT -5
I replied yes. I believe I would have and just outsourced but I also do not believe there is such thing as everything is great bar the sex. Sex is a barometer of the marriage. You may think it's great but you are in a fog and most likely being fooled by your refuser. ABSO-FREAKING-LUTELY - The "Sex is a Barometer". Still, I think it is within the realm of possibilities one can have a "happy" marriage and not good sex. Deeper still, the lack of sex is in particular a barometer for LACK of INTIMACY of which sex is but a part. |
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Post by beachguy on Jun 16, 2017 5:00:25 GMT -5
I replied yes. For now. Because honestly, since I am still in my marriage I am currently choosing yes. There's no unicorn riding or cancer curing but my life is pretty effing sweet right now. Minus the sex - oh right, that. The reason I'm here taking part in this forum is to help decide whether or not all the great stuff in my life is enough to make up for that one (major) missing piece. I don't know the answer yet. I voted No. Emphatically, if I could of. What's the difference between you and me? 30 years. Of increasing misery. You see, I KNOW what it's like to spend 30 years in sexless purgatory, but you don't. Perhaps you can't even fathom it. There is a fallacy in the poll question. If you are truly a sexual person, then it is IMPOSSIBLE to live a lifetime of enforced celibacy and have "everything is ok bar the sex". This is something 50-60 year olds get, after a lifetime of enforced celibacy, that many younger people do not. I'm not busting your chops. I'm trying to explain something that I wish someone had explained to me 30 years ago. |
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Post by jim44444 on Jun 16, 2017 6:36:17 GMT -5
If I had a partner who was sexually capable but refused sex with me, it would not be possible for everything to be great except for sex. It would be as impossible as my suffering from starvation but thinking everything was great except for the fact that my partner refuses to allow me to eat the food in our fully stocked larder. I gotta love a reply that uses the phrase "fully stocked larder". But back to the question posed by lifeinwoodinville for me the answer is no. I can envision scenarios where it can be yes but those are flights of fancy like the OP's description. In reality if the partners have similar low libido then sex, or lack thereof, is not a problem. I am surprised about the number of yes replies from this group. Who really wants this relationship? And if you do why did you search for a group like us? |
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