|
|
Post by unmatched on Jun 15, 2017 19:07:37 GMT -5
It seems to me that if you are married to someone and they can't bring themselves to have sex with you, then there is a big wall there. It doesn't matter how much you kiss and cuddle, at best you have a kind of cosiness and familiarity and friendship. If intimacy means really opening up to someone then you can never get past the barbed wire.
|
|
|
|
Post by Rhapsodee on Jun 15, 2017 22:11:00 GMT -5
I get a dry little kiss and an "I love you" before he leaves for work and again when he comes home. Every evening before he leaves the bedroom to go to the couch I get another dry little kiss and an "I love you". He is nearly always happy to see me. He brings me treats, a piece of chocolate, one of those tiny ice creams, or some other delightful little thing. No sexual advances.
I don't think that's intimacy. There's no sex, no sharing of emotion or passion or pleasure.
Its baffling.
I don't understand it, but I roll with it.
Whatever.
|
|
|
|
Post by solodriver on Jun 15, 2017 22:16:54 GMT -5
I think intimacy is more important because with it comes the sex that you want. I don't think you can have intimacy without sex but I think you can have sex without intimacy. Many a story on here can confirm that I believe.
And intimacy is more than a peck kiss or a "I love you" as they are running out the door. That's not intimacy.
|
|
meerin
Junior Member
Posts: 29 
|
Post by meerin on Jun 17, 2017 18:15:49 GMT -5
I want both. Marriage/partnership is supposed to be different than being roommates or friends. I want someone that sees my sexuality and actually takes joy in helping me express it.
|
|
|
|
Post by rdp62 on Jun 17, 2017 22:19:02 GMT -5
No female votes?
|
|
|
|
Post by Venus Erotes on Jun 17, 2017 22:21:13 GMT -5
13 years of not hearing those words... You are not alone, I have been there. Pain beyond words Yup...and to top it off, the 13 year mark is on the day my son was born. Every year, his birthday is a private and bittersweet occasion for me. Hopefully the divorce breaks that cycle for next year. Once my role as sperm donor was complete, I was no longer really needed / wanted / loved except for a paycheck and someone to help shuttle the kids around. OMG that's such bullshit. I'm so sorry shamwow |
|
|
|
Post by Venus Erotes on Jun 17, 2017 22:23:53 GMT -5
I get a dry little kiss and an "I love you" before he leaves for work and again when he comes home. Every evening before he leaves the bedroom to go to the couch I get another dry little kiss and an "I love you". He is nearly always happy to see me. He brings me treats, a piece of chocolate, one of those tiny ice creams, or some other delightful little thing. No sexual advances. I don't think that's intimacy. There's no sex, no sharing of emotion or passion or pleasure. Its baffling. I don't understand it, but I roll with it. Whatever. That's a man who has an ill understanding of what marriage is and should be. I'm so sorry, but it sounds just like my marriage! I am fortunate out marriage is open and I have a BF that truly loves every part of me. I hope you find the same rhapsodee! |
|
|
|
Post by Venus Erotes on Jun 17, 2017 22:24:23 GMT -5
|
|
meerin
Junior Member
Posts: 29
|
Post by meerin on Jun 18, 2017 4:23:09 GMT -5
|
|
|
|
Post by merrygoround on Jun 18, 2017 5:09:41 GMT -5
I voted too!
|
|
|
|
Post by greatcoastal on Jun 18, 2017 8:32:33 GMT -5
I get a dry little kiss and an "I love you" before he leaves for work and again when he comes home. Every evening before he leaves the bedroom to go to the couch I get another dry little kiss and an "I love you". He is nearly always happy to see me. He brings me treats, a piece of chocolate, one of those tiny ice creams, or some other delightful little thing. No sexual advances. I don't think that's intimacy. There's no sex, no sharing of emotion or passion or pleasure. Its baffling. I don't understand it, but I roll with it. Whatever. I did a little "experiment" with my W. I turned my head when she gave me her "morning out the door ceremonial, emotionless peck". It seemed to not bother her. I did it again the next day. After that she stopped completely. Never a word about "why?" Proving (in my mind) that it has no meaning, it's not giving at all. Just more taking. Something they do for themselves, to keep up there fake, hidden identity. |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2017 20:33:21 GMT -5
I really wish this poll had been written as some have suggested - "If you could have one but not the other, which one would you choose?" As it stands, who wouldn't choose to have both?
If only one were possible, I'd definitely choose intimacy. I think that's the critical missing piece for all of us anyway. If my H and I were truly intimate; if he were my best friend; if he were truly vulnerable to me and capable of baring his soul, I wouldn't care about the sex, at least not much. Besides, if we were truly intimate, emotionally and spiritually, I'm sure he'd find other ways to please me physically even if there wasn't sex. There'd be physical intimacy of some kind because people who love each other and are emotionally intimate naturally want to touch each other.
Just my .02!
|
|
|
|
Post by Carol on Jun 18, 2017 20:44:09 GMT -5
I get a dry little kiss and an "I love you" before he leaves for work and again when he comes home. Every evening before he leaves the bedroom to go to the couch I get another dry little kiss and an "I love you". He is nearly always happy to see me. He brings me treats, a piece of chocolate, one of those tiny ice creams, or some other delightful little thing. No sexual advances. I don't think that's intimacy. There's no sex, no sharing of emotion or passion or pleasure. Its baffling. I don't understand it, but I roll with it. Whatever. I'm in the same boat as you. My H tells me several times a day that he loves me and gets upset when I don't say it back to him. The only intimacy we have is the dry peck on the lips when he leaves in the AM. There is no passion, no wanting each other. We do spend time together but it's like a friendship. I have plenty of friends, what I need is a husband who wants to be lover, partner and friend. Is that too much to ask? |
|
|
|
Post by baza on Jun 18, 2017 21:34:01 GMT -5
Is there anything more intimate than having your eyes locked in your partners eyes, mutually luxuriating in shared pleasure as your naked bodies intertwine and move together, giving and receiving, where you help and push each other to that place where only the two of you exist, on the brink of the cliff, over which you both go, in free fall, out of control, spasming, screaming, abandoning all constraints and inhibitions, vulnerable yet powerful, tumbling end over end, gripping, thrusting coming like a runaway cement truck.
And later, lying there, relaxed and boneless. Spent. Bodily fluids seeping. Just looking at each other, in wonder ?
I'd suggest that the above is about as intimate as you can get.
Of course, holding hands is very nice too.
|
|
