Try and Not Bullshit Yourself
Jun 15, 2017 6:12:09 GMT -5
GeekGoddess, Chatter Fox, and 6 more like this
Post by baza on Jun 15, 2017 6:12:09 GMT -5
Dysfunctional marriage does your head in, gets you thinking weird shit, gets you making uninformed choices that feed back into the dysfunctional loop.
It comes with the territory, as the ghastly process continues, and in many ways becomes your *normal*. Your *usual*. Your *reality*. What you have become *accustomed to*
It is easy under such conditions to hand your avoidant spouse a pass on their behaviour, and another, and another, and another.
And the more free passes you hand out, the further entrenched the situation becomes.
"But she's a great Mother"
"At least he doesn't hit me"
"She has some undiagnosed complaint"
"He is under pressure at work"
These are some examples of the free passes we hand out.
Plus the ILIASM classic pièce de résistance - "Everything is great bar the sex"
And from this greatly compromised position, you are supposed to make objective decisions about your marriage and, yourself. All the time in the midst of a swirling vortex of conflicting emotions which are somewhat unhelpful in helping you think clearly.
Here's a slightly edited paragraph from Sister northstarmom for you to read. (the last sentence is edited out)
"The refused tell themselves is that their partners want to have sex with them. All that's needed is finding the magic key -- bacon scented candles, therapy, the right words -- so their partners realize this. In reality, people do what they want to do. Actions speak louder than words. A partner who wants to have sex with you will. A partner who values having sex with you but lacks a libido or has a medical problem that makes intercourse impossible will seek medical attention and will use hands or mouths to provide you and themselves with some kind of sexual satisfaction."
Think on that.
Do you think it is a reasonable point being made there as a principle ?
How about the application of the principle to your particular situation ?
The last line of the above that was edited out goes - "Not admitting this to yourself is bullshitting yourself."
If you are to work your way through this ILIASM experience, the eradication of bullshit is imperative.
And that really starts with you, and what you are telling yourself.
If you get that right, and can look objectively and dispassionately at what is in front of you, you can start the long slog out of this situation.
Try and not bullshit yourself.
It comes with the territory, as the ghastly process continues, and in many ways becomes your *normal*. Your *usual*. Your *reality*. What you have become *accustomed to*
It is easy under such conditions to hand your avoidant spouse a pass on their behaviour, and another, and another, and another.
And the more free passes you hand out, the further entrenched the situation becomes.
"But she's a great Mother"
"At least he doesn't hit me"
"She has some undiagnosed complaint"
"He is under pressure at work"
These are some examples of the free passes we hand out.
Plus the ILIASM classic pièce de résistance - "Everything is great bar the sex"
And from this greatly compromised position, you are supposed to make objective decisions about your marriage and, yourself. All the time in the midst of a swirling vortex of conflicting emotions which are somewhat unhelpful in helping you think clearly.
Here's a slightly edited paragraph from Sister northstarmom for you to read. (the last sentence is edited out)
"The refused tell themselves is that their partners want to have sex with them. All that's needed is finding the magic key -- bacon scented candles, therapy, the right words -- so their partners realize this. In reality, people do what they want to do. Actions speak louder than words. A partner who wants to have sex with you will. A partner who values having sex with you but lacks a libido or has a medical problem that makes intercourse impossible will seek medical attention and will use hands or mouths to provide you and themselves with some kind of sexual satisfaction."
Think on that.
Do you think it is a reasonable point being made there as a principle ?
How about the application of the principle to your particular situation ?
The last line of the above that was edited out goes - "Not admitting this to yourself is bullshitting yourself."
If you are to work your way through this ILIASM experience, the eradication of bullshit is imperative.
And that really starts with you, and what you are telling yourself.
If you get that right, and can look objectively and dispassionately at what is in front of you, you can start the long slog out of this situation.
Try and not bullshit yourself.
