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Post by Caris on Jun 14, 2017 13:04:48 GMT -5
So I am once more seeing what I saw before using a dating site, in this case OKC, and that's why I deleted 2-years ago.
Men available on my home ground (where I actually live), 24. That's it, 24 profiles that I'm not attracted to, or show compatibility. To top that, most are the same profiles I saw 2-years ago. This means that in my area, only 24 men on OKC are interested in meeting a woman of my age.
If I put in my current location, which is a major city, there are too many to count, but again only one profile got my attention. That's not to say I haven't had some good conversations. I've had about 3, but these men are either in another country or another state, and even they are moving too fast for my comfort level. It seems men want physicality almost immediately. They want your phone number, and I'm not doing that after already being catfished in my first week. Several profiles have gone, one day after contacting me, so I'm ultra cautious.
My friend, who is a decade younger than I am, and super hot, hasn't found one relationship in 3-years of using the same site and a couple of others. It's been one long procession of dates who want to get into her pants. I've heard this from other women too. She finds it disheartening, and thinks she'll never find a compatible guy.
So, I don't care what others say about "finding the one," sometimes there is no "one." That is the harsh reality for some, not all, but some.
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Post by bballgirl on Jun 14, 2017 13:14:27 GMT -5
Yeah if I was going to start a dating app it would be called
"What's left . Com". I'm a little jaded but it's meant more with humor.
I do not believe that there is the "one". There are lots of men all different types that I'm attracted too. The dating app thing is an outlet for me if nothing else. I do believe you can not find something if you do not look.
As far as giving out your number right away, I recommend you get a Kik app to communicate off of the dating app until you feel comfortable to give someone your number.
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Post by WindSister on Jun 14, 2017 13:25:52 GMT -5
I agree that there may not be "the one" for "everyone." Not sure there even is for me, and I am in love, because one never knows what the future will hold.
This too shall pass. The good always passes. The bad always passes. Life is ever-changing.
I am sure you are just voicing some frustration and don't want advise, but I can't help saying, in the meantime, as you maybe try various dating apps, sites, or whatever (and frankly, I had the best luck on paying sites like E-Harmony), do what you love in life. Find what you love, do what you love. Maybe that will lead you to "someone" else who loves it too and you can start a friendship, or more. Or not, but at least you will be happy doing what you love.
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 14, 2017 13:43:03 GMT -5
I tried online dating. Didn't click with any of the few men in my area whose profiles attracted me.
I also tried getting involved in meet ups and any activity that interested me. I had a lot of fun and met interesting people-- men and women.
I was having so much fun that I ended up attracting the attention of an acquaintance I'd known for years due to our being in the same community theater troupe. He asked me out. I went with no expectations of his being the one. I had lots of male platonic friends whom I would go to plays or have dinner or drinks with.
Anyway, unlike the case with my other guy friends, this friendship ended up after several platinic dates over a few months catching fire that led to best sex ever and a long term romance.
It took so long to get to the sex because he was following my signals. I was divorcing a cheating refuser. I didn't want sexual intimacy, even a 1 night stand until I knew a man well enough to trust him. My eventual partner flirted but didn't make a pass until I gave a clear signal, which i did by changing our normal social good-bye kiss and hug into a passionate one, which he returned and upped the ante. If he had been more aggressive earlier, I would have fled.
He told me later that he took his time because he knew I was a keeper.
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Post by shamwow on Jun 14, 2017 13:46:47 GMT -5
I tried online dating. Didn't click with any of the few men in my area whose profiles attracted me. I also tried getting involved in meet ups and any activity that interested me. I had a lot of fun and met interesting people-- men and women. I was having so much fun that I ended up attracting the attention of an acquaintance I'd known for years due to our being in the same community theater troupe. He asked me out. I went with no expectations of his being the one. I had lots of male platonic friends whom I would go to plays or have dinner or drinks with. Anyway, unlike the case with my other guy friends, this friendship ended up after several platinic dates over a few months catching fire that led to best sex ever and a long term romance. It took so long to get to the sex because he was following my signals. I was divorcing a cheating refuser. I didn't want sexual intimacy, even a 1 night stand until I knew a man well enough to trust him. My eventual partner flirted but didn't make a pass until I gave a clear signal, which i did by changing our normal social good-bye kiss and hug into a passionate one, which he returned and upped the ante. If he had been more aggressive earlier, I would have fled. He told me later that he took his time because he knew I was a keeper. No. He took his time because he was a keeper...and I'm sure you are a keeper too  |
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Post by WindSister on Jun 14, 2017 15:21:15 GMT -5
I tried online dating. Didn't click with any of the few men in my area whose profiles attracted me. I also tried getting involved in meet ups and any activity that interested me. I had a lot of fun and met interesting people-- men and women. I was having so much fun that I ended up attracting the attention of an acquaintance I'd known for years due to our being in the same community theater troupe. He asked me out. I went with no expectations of his being the one. I had lots of male platonic friends whom I would go to plays or have dinner or drinks with. Anyway, unlike the case with my other guy friends, this friendship ended up after several platinic dates over a few months catching fire that led to best sex ever and a long term romance. It took so long to get to the sex because he was following my signals. I was divorcing a cheating refuser. I didn't want sexual intimacy, even a 1 night stand until I knew a man well enough to trust him. My eventual partner flirted but didn't make a pass until I gave a clear signal, which i did by changing our normal social good-bye kiss and hug into a passionate one, which he returned and upped the ante. If he had been more aggressive earlier, I would have fled. He told me later that he took his time because he knew I was a keeper. When I was in the midst of my post-divorce dating chaos and getting very physical, very fast with men who would come along, the advise from sound people at EP was, "slow down. Make them work for you." It took me awhile to get that, but eventually I did. Things moved slowly with my now-husband. There were no shared "sexy pics" and the topic of sex was to get to know one another only, not to explore fantasies, etc. We didn't kiss until the 3rd date and even that was just a short one. The fifth date was THE KISS. We didn't have sex until 2 months in after proclaiming we wanted to be exclusive. There really is something to that, I believe. But, then again -- others may have a different story. Pure lust-only lovers may end up in a LTR, it's not unheard of. For me, though, when it was finally right is when it was slow and he actually wanted to get to know me, as a person. Wow, what a difference that makes. Smart to hold out for that. |
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 14, 2017 16:25:38 GMT -5
One tip: I do NOT suggest telling a prospective lover about how your marriage was sexless and how long it had been sexless. If you are a woman, I believe most guys would think that you'll be easy pickings, and may treat you like that (just like some guys think that recently divorced women will be desperate for sex with them). Prospective partners of either gender also might naively wonder what's wrong with you that your spouse wouldn't have sex with you. After they know you better -- including in bed -- they could realize that something was wrong with your partner. But, for most people, sex is so natural and expected in a marriage, that they really would wonder what could possibly be so awful about you that caused your partner to reject you. That's reason to delay telling them until they've experienced you sexually and otherwise also know you well. When I told my partner months after we'd started having sex, his response was, "What's wrong with your ex?" A few months ago, a guy posted here that he had been engaging in increasingly sexy chatting with a woman on-line. From what he indicated, the woman wasn't someone he met here. They finally decided to meet in person. He decided to warn her that due to his having been in a SM, he might flinch when she touched him, and he might have other difficulties with physical intimacy. The woman ghosted him. I wasn't surprised. Someone looking for a hook-up isn't looking to have to be their lover's sex counselor. They want hot and reliable sex. Obviously, this advice would not apply to people who meet in a site like this, however. But, while I know that there are enduring, happy couples like Baz and Ms Enna who met in a sexless marriage forum, in general, I don't think it's a good idea for those who have left their SM to look for a partner who has had a similar experience. First, I don't think it's a good idea to look for someone to heal you sexually unless that someone is a therapist. Most of the healing that's involved depends on changing your own view of yourself and of the importance of sex. FWIW, there's no indication that Baz or Enna were looking for someone to fix them when they became intimate. They'd both been working very hard on healing themselves. Also, person who has been in a SM is likely to lack confidence, may have very rusty sexual skills (such as having anxiety-related ED) and may have other problems related to physical and emotional intimacy. They also may have forgotten or never have learned what it's like to be in a normal romance that includes sex. Having a partner with similar concerns may make the sex and intimacy more difficult to achieve than if they are with a person who isn't trying to heal from years of rejection. Being with a man who hadn't been in a SM is how I learned how to laugh with joy while having sex, to be assertive about asking for sex, and to be casually, unabashedly naked with my lover. His comfort with his own sexuality and needs and his delight in my expressing mine was what helped me to blossom sexually after being stifled for so long. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 14, 2017 17:34:13 GMT -5
One tip: I do NOT suggest telling a prospective lover about how your marriage was sexless and how long it had been sexless. If you are a woman, I believe most guys would think that you'll be easy pickings, and may treat you like that (just like some guys think that recently divorced women will be desperate for sex with them). Prospective partners of either gender also might naively wonder what's wrong with you that your spouse wouldn't have sex with you. After they know you better -- including in bed -- they could realize that something was wrong with your partner. But, for most people, sex is so natural and expected in a marriage, that they really would wonder what could possibly be so awful about you that caused your partner to reject you. That's reason to delay telling them until they've experienced you sexually and otherwise also know you well. When I told my partner months after we'd started having sex, his response was, "What's wrong with your ex?" A few months ago, a guy posted here that he had been engaging in increasingly sexy chatting with a woman on-line. From what he indicated, the woman wasn't someone he met here. They finally decided to meet in person. He decided to warn her that due to his having been in a SM, he might flinch when she touched him, and he might have other difficulties with physical intimacy. The woman ghosted him. I wasn't surprised. Someone looking for a hook-up isn't looking to have to be their lover's sex counselor. They want hot and reliable sex. Obviously, this advice would not apply to people who meet in a site like this, however. But, while I know that there are enduring, happy couples like Baz and Ms Enna who met in a sexless marriage forum, in general, I don't think it's a good idea for those who have left their SM to look for a partner who has had a similar experience. First, I don't think it's a good idea to look for someone to heal you sexually unless that someone is a therapist. Most of the healing that's involved depends on changing your own view of yourself and of the importance of sex. FWIW, there's no indication that Baz or Enna were looking for someone to fix them when they became intimate. They'd both been working very hard on healing themselves. Also, person who has been in a SM is likely to lack confidence, may have very rusty sexual skills (such as having anxiety-related ED) and may have other problems related to physical and emotional intimacy. They also may have forgotten or never have learned what it's like to be in a normal romance that includes sex. Having a partner with similar concerns may make the sex and intimacy more difficult to achieve than if they are with a person who isn't trying to heal from years of rejection. Being with a man who hadn't been in a SM is how I learned how to laugh with joy while having sex, to be assertive about asking for sex, and to be casually, unabashedly naked with my lover. His comfort with his own sexuality and needs and his delight in my expressing mine was what helped me to blossom sexually after being stifled for so long. I like this. I like this A LOT. Could you post it separately as it's own post? I agree with it 50%. The other 50% is still loaded with doubts, fears, and questions, as I prepare to heal from my Divorce, SM, and start a new chapter into the dating world. |
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Post by Venus Erotes on Jun 14, 2017 18:25:29 GMT -5
So I am once more seeing what I saw before using a dating site, in this case OKC, and that's why I deleted 2-years ago. Men available on my home ground (where I actually live), 24. That's it, 24 profiles that I'm not attracted to, or show compatibility. To top that, most are the same profiles I saw 2-years ago. This means that in my area, only 24 men on OKC are interested in meeting a woman of my age. If I put in my current location, which is a major city, there are too many to count, but again only one profile got my attention. That's not to say I haven't had some good conversations. I've had about 3, but these men are either in another country or another state, and even they are moving too fast for my comfort level. It seems men want physicality almost immediately. They want your phone number, and I'm not doing that after already being catfished in my first week. Several profiles have gone, one day after contacting me, so I'm ultra cautious. My friend, who is a decade younger than I am, and super hot, hasn't found one relationship in 3-years of using the same site and a couple of others. It's been one long procession of dates who want to get into her pants. I've heard this from other women too. She finds it disheartening, and thinks she'll never find a compatible guy. So, I don't care what others say about "finding the one," sometimes there is no "one." That is the harsh reality for some, not all, but some. I found LOVE! I love ME! I take myself out to dinner, movies, do things I want to do.... I love me and I'm a GREAT date! I don't think there is a "one". I think there are several, and when we are ready for them they come to us. Waiting is the shitty part :/ |
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Post by Venus Erotes on Jun 14, 2017 18:29:01 GMT -5
One tip: I do NOT suggest telling a prospective lover about how your marriage was sexless and how long it had been sexless. If you are a woman, I believe most guys would think that you'll be easy pickings, and may treat you like that (just like some guys think that recently divorced women will be desperate for sex with them). Prospective partners of either gender also might naively wonder what's wrong with you that your spouse wouldn't have sex with you. After they know you better -- including in bed -- they could realize that something was wrong with your partner. But, for most people, sex is so natural and expected in a marriage, that they really would wonder what could possibly be so awful about you that caused your partner to reject you. That's reason to delay telling them until they've experienced you sexually and otherwise also know you well. When I told my partner months after we'd started having sex, his response was, "What's wrong with your ex?" A few months ago, a guy posted here that he had been engaging in increasingly sexy chatting with a woman on-line. From what he indicated, the woman wasn't someone he met here. They finally decided to meet in person. He decided to warn her that due to his having been in a SM, he might flinch when she touched him, and he might have other difficulties with physical intimacy. The woman ghosted him. I wasn't surprised. Someone looking for a hook-up isn't looking to have to be their lover's sex counselor. They want hot and reliable sex. Obviously, this advice would not apply to people who meet in a site like this, however. But, while I know that there are enduring, happy couples like Baz and Ms Enna who met in a sexless marriage forum, in general, I don't think it's a good idea for those who have left their SM to look for a partner who has had a similar experience. First, I don't think it's a good idea to look for someone to heal you sexually unless that someone is a therapist. Most of the healing that's involved depends on changing your own view of yourself and of the importance of sex. FWIW, there's no indication that Baz or Enna were looking for someone to fix them when they became intimate. They'd both been working very hard on healing themselves. Also, person who has been in a SM is likely to lack confidence, may have very rusty sexual skills (such as having anxiety-related ED) and may have other problems related to physical and emotional intimacy. They also may have forgotten or never have learned what it's like to be in a normal romance that includes sex. Having a partner with similar concerns may make the sex and intimacy more difficult to achieve than if they are with a person who isn't trying to heal from years of rejection. Being with a man who hadn't been in a SM is how I learned how to laugh with joy while having sex, to be assertive about asking for sex, and to be casually, unabashedly naked with my lover. His comfort with his own sexuality and needs and his delight in my expressing mine was what helped me to blossom sexually after being stifled for so long. I like this. I like this A LOT. Could you post it separately as it's own post? I agree with it 50%. The other 50% is still loaded with doubts, fears, and questions, as I prepare to heal from my Divorce, SM, and start a new chapter into the dating world. I agree with greatcoastal! It's *gold* northstarmom! |
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Post by Venus Erotes on Jun 14, 2017 18:31:25 GMT -5
I tried online dating. Didn't click with any of the few men in my area whose profiles attracted me. I also tried getting involved in meet ups and any activity that interested me. I had a lot of fun and met interesting people-- men and women. I was having so much fun that I ended up attracting the attention of an acquaintance I'd known for years due to our being in the same community theater troupe. He asked me out. I went with no expectations of his being the one. I had lots of male platonic friends whom I would go to plays or have dinner or drinks with. Anyway, unlike the case with my other guy friends, this friendship ended up after several platinic dates over a few months catching fire that led to best sex ever and a long term romance. It took so long to get to the sex because he was following my signals. I was divorcing a cheating refuser. I didn't want sexual intimacy, even a 1 night stand until I knew a man well enough to trust him. My eventual partner flirted but didn't make a pass until I gave a clear signal, which i did by changing our normal social good-bye kiss and hug into a passionate one, which he returned and upped the ante. If he had been more aggressive earlier, I would have fled. He told me later that he took his time because he knew I was a keeper. Awwww! So sweet Are you formerly know as mettamomma? I have no idea if she landed in one of these forums... Although your writing style is much different. |
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Post by Caris on Jun 14, 2017 18:59:01 GMT -5
Yeah if I was going to start a dating app it would be called "What's left . Com". I'm a little jaded but it's meant more with humor. I do not believe that there is the "one". There are lots of men all different types that I'm attracted too. The dating app thing is an outlet for me if nothing else. I do believe you can not find something if you do not look. As far as giving out your number right away, I recommend you get a Kik app to communicate off of the dating app until you feel comfortable to give someone your number. Lol I love it..."what's left.com. 😄 I honestly can't see me giving my number out, as there is no one to give it to. "The 24" that could be the name of a movie about a woman on a dating site, is all there is in my city. I don't meet anyone in real life that I'm attracted to, and no one asks me anyway. I guess I'm going to be a cat lady without the cat. |
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Post by Caris on Jun 14, 2017 19:16:02 GMT -5
So I am once more seeing what I saw before using a dating site, in this case OKC, and that's why I deleted 2-years ago. Men available on my home ground (where I actually live), 24. That's it, 24 profiles that I'm not attracted to, or show compatibility. To top that, most are the same profiles I saw 2-years ago. This means that in my area, only 24 men on OKC are interested in meeting a woman of my age. If I put in my current location, which is a major city, there are too many to count, but again only one profile got my attention. That's not to say I haven't had some good conversations. I've had about 3, but these men are either in another country or another state, and even they are moving too fast for my comfort level. It seems men want physicality almost immediately. They want your phone number, and I'm not doing that after already being catfished in my first week. Several profiles have gone, one day after contacting me, so I'm ultra cautious. My friend, who is a decade younger than I am, and super hot, hasn't found one relationship in 3-years of using the same site and a couple of others. It's been one long procession of dates who want to get into her pants. I've heard this from other women too. She finds it disheartening, and thinks she'll never find a compatible guy. So, I don't care what others say about "finding the one," sometimes there is no "one." That is the harsh reality for some, not all, but some. I found LOVE! I love ME! I take myself out to dinner, movies, do things I want to do.... I love me and I'm a GREAT date! I don't think there is a "one". I think there are several, and when we are ready for them they come to us. Waiting is the shitty part :/ I can't say that I'm in waiting mode because I'm not. I have pretty much accepted that this is how it is some years ago, so until this last week, I haven't even looked. As for going out and doing things alone, it gets old as the years pass. Last night, and today, I was eating out alone, again, and thought, it was better being with my husband than never having anyone to talk to over a meal. I don't mean just anyone, but someone who knows me, and we feel comfortable together. As years go by, doing everything alone has become tiresome, and I'd rather stay home and read a book. Funny thing is, I love being alone for most of the day. I enjoy my own company, but not 24/7, 365 days/year. I do miss having a partner to share life and love. |
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Post by Caris on Jun 14, 2017 19:38:51 GMT -5
My friend, with whom I'm staying since the funeral, said to me last night, "you are not going to meet anyone. There is a great distance between what you say you will do (regarding meeting men), and what you will actually do." She also said that's it's okay because the fact that I'm now actually thinking about men is still a step forward from where I started 2-years ago. I think she's right. Maybe it will take me another year to actually go on a date (though there really isn't anyone to go on a date with...but if there were).
I want my husband, but that's the grief talking. I miss him a lot.
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Post by baza on Jun 15, 2017 1:10:06 GMT -5
Brother Dan put up a post about "meetup.com a day or so back.
To me, that seems an excellent way to meet people via the internet.
I dunno much about "Internet Dating" other than what I have read in here.
But on what I have read in here from members is that "Internet Dating" appears to be a complete waste of time.
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