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Post by bran127 on Jun 10, 2017 0:41:58 GMT -5
This forum has done so much for me in the short time I have been a member. To be able to relate to people that do not judge is a truly amazing thing. I shame myself because somehow think I am not good enough and if it was exposed I would be embarrassed like nobody's business. Like somehow that defines me. My closest friends know the situation and I felt naked telling them. I was exposed. I was vulnerable. This group helps me remain vulnerable and exposed., but I am sharing my "nakedness" with people who encourage and lift others up. This shit is a journey, and I am thankful for each and every one of you. No one wants to be a member, but at least we support one another. We will all have to figure it out on our own. But having truth along the way helps!!!
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Post by baza on Jun 10, 2017 0:57:31 GMT -5
Indeed.
Living in an ILIASM shithole is certainly "character building" to say the least.
Bringing an ILIASM shithole to resolution is even worse, short term.
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Post by h on Jun 10, 2017 5:30:30 GMT -5
I'm a fairly recent member of this forum also. I'm very glad that I found it. I don't have anyone in real life that I can talk to about this. I recently let it slip in conversation with a cousin and it was awkward. We haven't spoken of it since. This place and these people are the only support system I have. I'm not close enough to any of my friends to talk about this and my immediate family are too religiously conservative to speak with about sex. I'm grateful to have found this place because I was heading down a dark path and fading into an empty shell of a person.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 10, 2017 7:41:21 GMT -5
I have found a way to discuss it more with others so that everyone relates better. When I discuss being married to a "manipulative controller" that hits home for a lot of people.
It also ties into the SM.
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Post by bballgirl on Jun 10, 2017 7:52:23 GMT -5
Amen! Yes it is a journey.
The people of the ILIASM forum helped me to save my life.
I'm out of my marriage now but the journey is not done.
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Post by neonspace on Jun 10, 2017 11:06:14 GMT -5
Maybe instead of journey it should be callled a death march. That's how it feels most days.
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Post by DryCreek on Jun 10, 2017 11:56:43 GMT -5
bran127, we're all about supporting nakedness and exposure here (emotionally and physically). Carry on!
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Post by mrslowmaintenance on Jun 10, 2017 12:09:35 GMT -5
I'm a fairly recent member of this forum also. I'm very glad that I found it. I don't have anyone in real life that I can talk to about this. I recently let it slip in conversation with a cousin and it was awkward. We haven't spoken of it since. This place and these people are the only support system I have. I'm not close enough to any of my friends to talk about this and my immediate family are too religiously conservative to speak with about sex. I'm grateful to have found this place because I was heading down a dark path and fading into an empty shell of a person. I know you have not been a member long (neither have I) but I feel like your posts have transformed since you joined. When I read your words now I hear a voice in my head with a laugh behind it, a head held high and/or and understand gesture. I feel like the first dozen times I read your comments/posts you were quite small and defeated. Anyway, just wanted to say what I feel like I have seen. On the subject of this thread, I'm glad you are all sharing, sometimes the thoughts we have feel completely unjustified and unrelatable so it is shockingly uplifting to share without harm of rejection or punishment. |
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Post by eightsandaces on Jun 10, 2017 13:17:22 GMT -5
I too feel like finally someone understands me. Sharing my secret with anyone outside of here has been awful. The responses have ranged from "just dump him" to "so what, at least he's not abusive or a drug user and he treats you so nice". It adds to my anger and lowers my self esteem even more. No one has ever been comforted by any statement starting with "at least".
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Post by h on Jun 10, 2017 13:33:11 GMT -5
I'm a fairly recent member of this forum also. I'm very glad that I found it. I don't have anyone in real life that I can talk to about this. I recently let it slip in conversation with a cousin and it was awkward. We haven't spoken of it since. This place and these people are the only support system I have. I'm not close enough to any of my friends to talk about this and my immediate family are too religiously conservative to speak with about sex. I'm grateful to have found this place because I was heading down a dark path and fading into an empty shell of a person. I know you have not been a member long (neither have I) but I feel like your posts have transformed since you joined. When I read your words now I hear a voice in my head with a laugh behind it, a head held high and/or and understand gesture. I feel like the first dozen times I read your comments/posts you were quite small and defeated. Anyway, just wanted to say what I feel like I have seen. On the subject of this thread, I'm glad you are all sharing, sometimes the thoughts we have feel completely unjustified and unrelatable so it is shockingly uplifting to share without harm of rejection or punishment. I was small and defeated as you described. My outlook on life was that of a prisoner held hostage by an occasionally kind captor. Now I feel better about myself and have made my individual needs known to my W. I have gained the courage to speak my mind and demand a change of course for our marriage. I'm still not sure what the outcome will be yet (fix or divorce) but I have made it clear that the status quo SM is unacceptable. I never would have done that much without finding this group first. Thanks mrslowmaintenance and everyone else here too. It's been amazing to be able to share this struggle with others who really know and understand. |
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Post by shamwow on Jun 10, 2017 14:39:27 GMT -5
Maybe instead of journey it should be callled a death march. That's how it feels most days. I'll be divorced in a couple weeks. If you have a destination, it's a journey. For over a decade I had no destination. During that time it WAS a death march. |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 10, 2017 15:39:00 GMT -5
bran,
good for you. If it helps that is good. I dont have the same feeling. Hell is still hell, even if there are other people sharing the ride.
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Post by misssunnybunny on Jun 10, 2017 15:43:16 GMT -5
Amen! Yes it is a journey. The people of the ILIASM forum helped me to save my life. I'm out of my marriage now but the journey is not done. So agree. If I hadn't found the former group on EP, I have no idea where I'd be right now. Having people who understood what I was going through was eye-opening; I wasn't the only one, and it wasn't all my fault The support and occasional tough love were instrumental in me finding my strength and being able to leave. Still having that connection here helps as I continue to heal and move forward. |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 12, 2017 10:09:49 GMT -5
Sexual refusal seems to be a MUCH more common problem than I ever dreamed. I started posting about my situation on a site called marriagebuilders back in 1999. I was amazed that there were women who actually WANTED their husbands sexually. It really blew my mind. I had been convinced by my church and popular culture that no women ever craved sex, but just submitted to it to appease their husbands.
I am so go glad I was wrong.
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Post by petrushka on Jun 12, 2017 10:21:54 GMT -5
I too feel like finally someone understands me. Sharing my secret with anyone outside of here has been awful. The responses have ranged from "just dump him" to "so what, at least he's not abusive or a drug user and he treats you so nice". It adds to my anger and lowers my self esteem even more. No one has ever been comforted by any statement starting with "at least". I'm more fortunate than you there, I have talked to several friends about it and found them supportive. I also found that some had similar experiences. I also had the At Least response, from my sister in out law ... I was disappointed. At one time she was my best friend in this country. Now? I think her sensitivity has succumbed to alcohol abuse, and I have a strong impression that in her old days she's become a refuser and reverted to being something of a misandrist puritan. Her 'at least' didn't make me lose self esteem. It just lowered my esteem for her. People who care for me, take me seriously and don't blow me off with "at least you have a good relationship" when I was clearly trying to communicate how it was NOT good. Yeesh. Well in any event, here you can talk and discuss however long and in-depth you want  |
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