Just Pissed....That's Where I Am Now.....

Keep this for yourself. Its honest emotion.

A manipulator will have a field day with this! Reversing it to make themselves the victim of your cold heated, angry, violent nature, against them the innocent victim.

Give it a day or two. Re-rite an example or two or three, of times dates places quotes, and her exact responses. She may try to argue them, she won't get very far, because you know the truth. The more she realizes that a % of her control is crumbling the less she will have to say, or the angrier and more ridiculous her defense will get.

A better letter would be all the things you are going to do for yourself and your daughter without her.

When the proclamation is tied to anger, it dies as anger dissipates. You end up with hyperbolic language aimed at threatening or hurting the partner, intending it as a tool of influence. Hyperbolic language like this ends up being the default mode of communication, the result of mutual contempt.

Either you are done or you are not (and you will change your mind shortly).

If you are tired of being angry at bedtime or falling for the trap in which you think there is hope, do what people who are done, do.
You don't have a sexual relationship with that woman. She is like a male roommate or coworker.
Don't sleep in the same bed with her.
If bed is for sleeping, then prepare alternative sleeping arrangements to allow you to have restful sleep in which you are not EVER tempted in your half-sleepy state, toward the fantasy that this person has a sexual interest in you, or will develop one. Defog and detach yourself. Go on a diet for your heart. The rage and disappointment is the product of false hope. You have ESTABLISHED CLEARLY how she feels about you at least with respect to desire. Act accordingly.

After you get some restful sleep and remove your rage and expectations, you will then be in a mindset to proceed to the next stage of what you do with a person with whom you don't have a sexual relationship. You don't stay married to them in name.

There's no point at the moment in telling her any of this because what SHE thinks or does doesn't matter. You already know how she feels - what she does to appease or distract you from that fact in the short term doesn't affect what has been established.

Be kind - your disconnection is not going to be intended to make her do something different. It's FOR YOU to do something different. It's for you to come to a place where you are honest with yourself about the state of the relationship and your expectations of it.

Telling her you are done, in anger, unless you act on that and sustain that action, only serves to discredit you further and remove your ability to communicate with meaning, should she suddenly reverse gears and decide to "work" on it.

What is "zip code" therapy?

Be careful. In some states the courts will put the cost of college education on your shoulders, in which case, 18 still means you have, perhaps, four more years of expenses.

Mrs Apocrypha and I noted a pattern in our mutual dysfunction. While I don't generally have praise for the Dr. Phil show, I noted the hyperbolic language he called out a number of times in dysfunction. In a calm moment, I noted that we had each proclaimed we were "done" and walked out - her mostly walking out - like, 7 times. It ends up like the parents threatening the kids to leave Disneyland if they don't shape up, and then not leaving when they don't. And for some reason, the kids no longer respond to warnings of normal consequences.

We adapted - or I did - thusly:
I realized that when I was saying "I'm done", I meant to say "I'm angry."
I tried changing that, and so did she, and our conversations were diminished in harm.

The next time I said, "I'm done," I first warned her that I'd felt backed into a corner, and that I felt out of options. She didn't back down. I was more sad and not really angry at all. The feeling was more like the death of a relative in that it was anchored to a heavy acceptance. We proceeded to separate then.

"I'm done" should have the gravity of turning nuclear launch keys, or abandoning ship in a lifeboat.

No one is disputing your anger. I'm just observing that the note seems to end there.

It's often hard to know what one means. Sometimes the best way to judge intent is to look at the results of the action.
If your intent is to engage your wife in dialogue, then you will engage in dialogue and there it will end. The dialogue is a proxy for attention. A note like that says to me, "I'm angry and I'm done trying to win your attention. It's your responsibility now to invest in this marriage."

In short, it appears as an expression of anger and an invitation for dialogue, or for her to do something different - which is essentially the same goal you've been shooting for.

If your intent is to change your situation irrespective of your wife's involvement - then your next discussion with her would likely skip past the expression of rage and justification - and move to execution. That's because if you are done, what your wife thinks about that doesn't really matter. That's what being done with marriage to her is. It's about what you have decided to do, specifically, and when and how you will do it.