One woman's reject is another woman's prince
Jun 7, 2017 14:32:44 GMT -5
Dan, JMX, and 4 more like this
Post by WindSister on Jun 7, 2017 14:32:44 GMT -5
I swear I am not picking on anyone because I can't even remember who said it, but I recall seeing somewhere (and more than once from more than one person) "no wonder her husband left her or his ex divorced him."
Careful.
And remember, most of us here are divorcee's as well!
I say that with a smile. Just a friendly reminder.
My husband once (ONCE!!!) said, "oh, you are being just like, (((insert ex wife's name)))!!!"
I was very calm.
I simply said, "Well, it appears the common denominator for this particular issue is you then." I followed that up with, "Please don't ever tell me I am 'just like' anyone - not her, not my mom, no one. I am me, that's it."
We talked through that particular issue (for a few hours) we had and it hasn't been an issue since. He also has NEVER said I am "just like" anyone again. (We do that - we listen and learn from each other).
Anyway -- That particular issue was probably part of a big reason his ex left. I won't lie - it probably was. But that's because they were no good together. She was passive aggressive, lied, said everything was "fine" when it wasn't. I address shit head on (this has been a learned skill on my part). I have to add - I do it respectfully but honestly (addressing stuff head on that is). She set him up to fail, I am setting him up to succeed by telling him what works and what doesn't. Trust me, he does the same with me. We are both imperfect beings and we both have had things to work on within ourselves for the betterment of our relationship.
But my point is -- the DYNAMICS between a couple is what really matters. We all have quirks, less-than-noble traits. We all have issues. Baggage. Bad habits.
It doesn't always matter "who left who" - fact is, if a couple is no good together, they are no good. That doesn't mean that person can be GREAT with someone else.
The things that likely drove my ex crazy and caused a rift between us are things that are not so bad for my now-husband. They are also things I am addressing within myself to be a better wife. My husband does the same. We lived and learned from our previous relationships. We have tried to improve ourselves.
Our dynamic is one of honesty, openness, directness and respect. We can respectfully discuss our issues, we don't get in fights, we don't put down the other or do those stupid sarcastic jokes or roll our eyes or shut each other out. (and if we do, by accident or in the heat of the moment like above, we recover, apologize and work through it). We can actually WORK THROUGH things and be done with them. My husband apologized immensely for what he said (telling me I was just like his ex) and he meant it. We really did work through it. And we don't bring it up as ammunition again. This part is key, I think, too, and part of what I love about us. When it's done, it's done.
So, anyway -- we are all rejects, essentially. We are all imperfect human beings just looking for someone we can be our messy selves with. It exists. It does - so don't give up.
Careful.
And remember, most of us here are divorcee's as well!
I say that with a smile. Just a friendly reminder. My husband once (ONCE!!!) said, "oh, you are being just like, (((insert ex wife's name)))!!!"
I was very calm.
I simply said, "Well, it appears the common denominator for this particular issue is you then." I followed that up with, "Please don't ever tell me I am 'just like' anyone - not her, not my mom, no one. I am me, that's it."
We talked through that particular issue (for a few hours) we had and it hasn't been an issue since. He also has NEVER said I am "just like" anyone again. (We do that - we listen and learn from each other).
Anyway -- That particular issue was probably part of a big reason his ex left. I won't lie - it probably was. But that's because they were no good together. She was passive aggressive, lied, said everything was "fine" when it wasn't. I address shit head on (this has been a learned skill on my part). I have to add - I do it respectfully but honestly (addressing stuff head on that is). She set him up to fail, I am setting him up to succeed by telling him what works and what doesn't. Trust me, he does the same with me. We are both imperfect beings and we both have had things to work on within ourselves for the betterment of our relationship.
But my point is -- the DYNAMICS between a couple is what really matters. We all have quirks, less-than-noble traits. We all have issues. Baggage. Bad habits.
It doesn't always matter "who left who" - fact is, if a couple is no good together, they are no good. That doesn't mean that person can be GREAT with someone else.
The things that likely drove my ex crazy and caused a rift between us are things that are not so bad for my now-husband. They are also things I am addressing within myself to be a better wife. My husband does the same. We lived and learned from our previous relationships. We have tried to improve ourselves.
Our dynamic is one of honesty, openness, directness and respect. We can respectfully discuss our issues, we don't get in fights, we don't put down the other or do those stupid sarcastic jokes or roll our eyes or shut each other out. (and if we do, by accident or in the heat of the moment like above, we recover, apologize and work through it). We can actually WORK THROUGH things and be done with them. My husband apologized immensely for what he said (telling me I was just like his ex) and he meant it. We really did work through it. And we don't bring it up as ammunition again. This part is key, I think, too, and part of what I love about us. When it's done, it's done.
So, anyway -- we are all rejects, essentially. We are all imperfect human beings just looking for someone we can be our messy selves with. It exists. It does - so don't give up.
