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Post by ironhamster on Jun 9, 2017 8:09:53 GMT -5
Have you talked to a lawyer to find out how a divorce would shake out? ...I divorced when I realized I'd rather be alone living in a rented room than to remain lonely in my dream house. My living arranges didn't change that drastically but if they had, I'd still believe I'd made the right decision. I'm hoping for an open marriage, but I'd settle for a swinging arangement. My expectation of swinging is we can find a couple with a LL husband and a HL wife. My wife and the husband can sit around and play on their electronics and complain while the other wife and I rock the house. |
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Post by northstarmom on Jun 9, 2017 8:19:24 GMT -5
To iron hammer and others considering swinging: what if your allegedly low libido spouse is low lol bids only as concerns you? What if the type of person they are sexually attracted to is someone who is not you?
I had thought my sixty something year old hubby had ed or no sex drive. It ended up he was having sex with a woman young enough that he thought he'd fathered her toddler.
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Post by doneanddone on Jun 9, 2017 14:28:14 GMT -5
Have you talked to a lawyer to find out how a divorce would shake out? In truth, divorce is a loss for both spouses. I am living with less money and savings. I have a more modest lifestyle. I prefer the life I'm living now to being in my arid prison of a marriage. I divorced when I realized I'd rather be alone living in a rented room than to remain lonely in my dream house. My living arranges didn't change that drastically but if they had, I'd still believe I'd made the right decision. I will have to disagree with you on this point. I am divorced and the rend results neither my ex nor I suffered any loss. As the matter of fact we both gained about 3k each. It was probably the most well documented uncontested divorce in the history of divorces. We both decided that it was best for both to our own ways, we split house hold appliances. She got washer/dryer, I got the frig. I took all the yard equip, she took all the bedroom furniture. I took the electronics and dinning table, she took the living room and all the kitchen stuff...... We agreed to sell the house and the profit split 50/50. Made 6k on the sale of the house and spit the profit, done. Walked away without a scratch and started over. We didn't have kids, she didn't want any of my retirement and I didn't want any of her "daddy's" money so that's how my divorce went down. |
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Post by doneanddone on Jun 9, 2017 14:34:34 GMT -5
Have you talked to a lawyer to find out how a divorce would shake out? ...I divorced when I realized I'd rather be alone living in a rented room than to remain lonely in my dream house. My living arranges didn't change that drastically but if they had, I'd still believe I'd made the right decision. I'm hoping for an open marriage, but I'd settle for a swinging arangement. My expectation of swinging is we can find a couple with a LL husband and a HL wife. My wife and the husband can sit around and play on their electronics and complain while the other wife and I rock the house. What if that were the case and your LL wife and LL husband of the other couple decided or found a fix for their LL? Would you be good with another man sexing it up with your wife when she wouldn't sex it up with you? I'd be perfectly content with that if it were my situation. That's my honest answer and I'm sticking to it. |
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Post by doneanddone on Jun 9, 2017 14:36:08 GMT -5
To iron hammer and others considering swinging: what if your allegedly low libido spouse is low lol bids only as concerns you? What if the type of person they are sexually attracted to is someone who is not you? I had thought my sixty something year old hubby had ed or no sex drive. It ended up he was having sex with a woman young enough that he thought he'd fathered her toddler. Wow - that just happend...! |
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Post by ironhamster on Jun 9, 2017 14:57:33 GMT -5
To iron hammer and others considering swinging: what if your allegedly low libido spouse is low lol bids only as concerns you? What if the type of person they are sexually attracted to is someone who is not you? I had thought my sixty something year old hubby had ed or no sex drive. It ended up he was having sex with a woman young enough that he thought he'd fathered her toddler. Wow - that just happend...! Interesting. If we were swinging, it would be an even trade and I'd be fine with it. If it was an open marriage arrangement, I'd have to stuff it. I stuffed it for a quarter century. I'm just not prepared to do that any more. Having a good partner or two or three on the side would make it bareable, though. |
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Post by Apocrypha on Jun 9, 2017 15:06:43 GMT -5
Have you talked to a lawyer to find out how a divorce would shake out? ...I divorced when I realized I'd rather be alone living in a rented room than to remain lonely in my dream house. My living arranges didn't change that drastically but if they had, I'd still believe I'd made the right decision. I'm hoping for an open marriage, but I'd settle for a swinging arangement. My expectation of swinging is we can find a couple with a LL husband and a HL wife. My wife and the husband can sit around and play on their electronics and complain while the other wife and I rock the house. I've had several years of experience with an open-a-crack arrangement under somewhat similar circumstances. Reality vs the fantasy are shockingly different. 1. Such arrangements OVERWHELMINGLY favour women. Women who are openly seeking a sexual arrangement outside of a fully invested relationship are in very high demand. Your wife will have guys lining up. Casual dick is plentiful and cheap. You feel like chopped liver now? Even if you advertise for a couple or for single women, you will still get lots of pitches from single guys. 2. In my experience and in my circles (and my neighbours own a sex club in a major metropolitan city), it's extremely rare for two couples to be able to find a match in which anyone doesn't feel like they are taking one for the team. These arrangements are unstable. 3. In many cases when people get into this kind of thing, it ends up that the supposedly intimacy averse person either has no problem getting their freak on with someone else, or that despite agreeing to the terms (or even proposing them, as Mrs Apocrypha did), they end up being totally NOT COOL about it, to the point of abuse. 4. Even if you do get your freak on, you are still left with the problem of an intimacy-averse marriage, and a spotlight shining on what's missing at the middle of it. 5. As with ILIASM, nearly everyone here who is within a celibate marriage is not willing to propose an open relationship with the spouse who doesn't want to bang them - meaning if you are seeking out someone in a similar deal, it's not going to be easy. Even if they ARE like that, it's really unlikely that they are going to be honest about it. You think your own wife is going to be open to other people about her aversion to banging you? 6. Even if you ARE open about the dysfunction over intimacy, most people in those circles have pretty strict rules about avoiding couples who are in trouble. They don't want to be caught naked in the middle of, or causing, a divorce, for the sake of getting laid. Especially women. |
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Post by doneanddone on Jun 9, 2017 15:14:52 GMT -5
Wow - that just happend...! Interesting. If we were swinging, it would be an even trade and I'd be fine with it. If it was an open marriage arrangement, I'd have to stuff it. I stuffed it for a quarter century. I'm just not prepared to do that any more. Having a good partner or two or three on the side would make it bareable, though. I'll buy that. I see your position and your point. So what would they do play Farmville on Facebook or Words with Friends while you and the other Mrs. were handling business...? Just asking cause my wife is constantly on her phone with her friends....lol |
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Post by ironhamster on Jun 9, 2017 16:17:58 GMT -5
I'm hoping for an open marriage, but I'd settle for a swinging arangement. My expectation of swinging is we can find a couple with a LL husband and a HL wife. My wife and the husband can sit around and play on their electronics and complain while the other wife and I rock the house. ...5. As with ILIASM, nearly everyone here who is within a celibate marriage is not willing to propose an open relationship with the spouse who doesn't want to bang them - meaning if you are seeking out someone in a similar deal, it's not going to be easy. Even if they ARE like that, it's really unlikely that they are going to be honest about it. You think your own wife is going to be open to other people about her aversion to banging you? 6. Even if you ARE open about the dysfunction over intimacy, most people in those circles have pretty strict rules about avoiding couples who are in trouble. They don't want to be caught naked in the middle of, or causing, a divorce, for the sake of getting laid. Especially women. Thank you for your insight. That is all huge. I've considered a lot of that. 5, I've fought through a lot of whys. If she can find somebody she's actually into, then the problem might take care of itself. 6, This one is new to me. Folks in the local kink group know my situation. It is not severely limiting my playdates, but there are some that won't play with someone in my current predicament. Swingers probably look at things a bit more strictly than kinksters. |
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Post by twotimesone on Jun 9, 2017 16:23:58 GMT -5
It is like that Mark Manson article referenced in a different thread today. In it, Manson notes that a lot of people 'want' things - say, to be rich. But they are not prepared to work 60+ hours a week, live frugally now, follow a disciplined investment strategy etc to bring this want into actuality. They are not prepared to do the work or pay the price. Like people in an ILIASM shithole want a great relationship. But they are not prepared to get out of the dud deal they are in so this want can be pursued. They are not prepared to do the work or pay the price. Not being prepared to do the work or pay the price is, of course, a perfectly valid choice. There is no point however, in complaining about the consequences of that choice. Except for spending hundreds each month for providers, I am pretty frugal and I do have alot of money saved up. I own an multifamily home which I am getting rent and is paid off and working at a decent job. I wish I could divorce but kids, child support could get pretty messy. It is cheaper for me to spend hundreds each month hobbying rather than getting a divorce. Believe it or not, I am pretty content with this decision but I just want to hear what others think. As for my wife, I don't think she is really want a relationship or open relationship either. |
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Post by twotimesone on Jun 9, 2017 19:15:17 GMT -5
"Too late for a divorce as kids got in the way, but I am planning to once when my kids go or finish college. " If you really believe that you should not divorce now because of your kids, then you need to stop having extramarital sex. Has it not occurred to you that your kids could find out about your affairs? When I was a teen, I stumbled upon evidence that my dad was having an affair. I never told him. It was devastating to realize that the man I admired could do such a thing. I just want to back up what northstarmom is saying. When I was 11 my mother was murdered. The evidence pointed to 2 possibilities: either my dad did it or his AP did. I spent more time obsessing over the affair than the murder. To me the affair took my mommy away and dad was responsible. This stuff fucks with kids' minds like that. Fast forward to years of SM. I now understand where ol dad was coming from (affair not murder) and know full well I would have done the same thing (affair not murder). So if your gonna keep cheating you gotta man up and figure out a way to come clean with the kids before they find out. Short of that I would NOT tell the wife. She's made it none of her business. The question is what is the difference between an affair and getting your fix. Look, I really do try to cover my tracks when I go to these web sites and going to these providers. If you are suggesting that I should off my wife, you gotta be crazy. I don't hate her, geez, why do people think of such a thing. |
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Post by TMD on Jun 9, 2017 22:01:13 GMT -5
itme, FWIW, I didn't think that's what you meant; I read it as you were sharing your experience.
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Post by twotimesone on Jun 10, 2017 4:45:30 GMT -5
Sorry I apologize about that. For me, my needs are mostly physical and not emotional. The last thing I need is another woman on my mind, although this might be what's happening if I decided to go after someone that I know. I mean if I can do it with the provider, come back home and hug my kids, I am happy enough, for now.
I know I might risk getting caught one day and I am ready to face up the truth for better or worse.
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Post by snowman12345 on Jun 10, 2017 5:37:48 GMT -5
Sorry I apologize about that. For me, my needs are mostly physical and not emotional. The last thing I need is another woman on my mind, although this might be what's happening if I decided to go after someone that I know. I mean if I can do it with the provider, come back home and hug my kids, I am happy enough, for now. I know I might risk getting caught one day and I am ready to face up the truth for better or worse. I don't want to dissuade you one way or another (I think the rent a pussy route is as legitimate as any other) but bear in mind I have heard of hackers that find your identity on escort sites and threaten to expose you in an extortion bid. Burner phones are a good idea but are not fool proof. |
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Post by twotimesone on Jun 10, 2017 10:31:53 GMT -5
Sorry I apologize about that. For me, my needs are mostly physical and not emotional. The last thing I need is another woman on my mind, although this might be what's happening if I decided to go after someone that I know. I mean if I can do it with the provider, come back home and hug my kids, I am happy enough, for now. I know I might risk getting caught one day and I am ready to face up the truth for better or worse. I don't want to dissuade you one way or another (I think the rent a pussy route is as legitimate as any other) but bear in mind I have heard of hackers that find your identity on escort sites and threaten to expose you in an extortion bid. Burner phones are a good idea but are not fool proof. Thanks for that. On the "questionable" websites that I register, I actually use this handle. And I register this with another email address which I only use for this purpose. Yes, I also have a burner cell phone that I use for hobbying. So Yes, I am trying to put a wall between my normal activities and questionable activities. |
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