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Post by bballgirl on Jun 3, 2017 8:19:16 GMT -5
One year out of my SM
Being out of my SM was a very happy year for me overall. There were times a little sadness crept in but that's an emotion, a feeling, and feelings come and go.
There was a lot of things I did that if I were still married I would not have experienced, so I made a list of some things I got to do that brought happiness to my life that were not a possible if I had stayed married.
1) I had sex 45 times - 85% with the same person, I'm not a slut! Lol
2) I rekindled a friendship with some girlfriends from college, we met a few times for brunch, this month we are going on a weekend getaway to a beach resort.
3) I had a sleepover with FWB and that was very nice. It had been a long time since I laid in bed and cuddled.
4) Freedom to communicate with members of the opposite sex freely.
5) Weekends without kids - it may sound selfish but I look forward to time alone and adult time.
26 weekends of the month I have freedom to do what I want without the kids!!
6) My house my rules - if I want to leave the dishes in the sink then I can.
7) I had the opportunity to meet IRL members of the forum.
8) The ex and I have a better relationship, it's respectful and honest.
9) I have control of my life in terms of finances, social life, etc.
10) I learned about myself from the dating experiences. I grew as well, became stronger to advocate what I want for myself and accept nothing less and not settle.
So it's over a year and I haven't met the love of my life and I may never, but my life is a very happy one. During my marriage I was very lonely and I did learn to enjoy my own company so even though I am an extrovert, I still enjoy time by myself at times.
The key is to live an authentic life.
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Post by hopingforachange on Jun 3, 2017 8:38:59 GMT -5
Hahahahaha, remembering how many times you had sex in the last year is one of the messed up side effects of the SM.
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Post by bballgirl on Jun 3, 2017 9:48:39 GMT -5
Hahahahaha, remembering how many times you had sex in the last year is one of the messed up side effects of the SM. It absolutely is a messed up side effect! I've been writing it down for more than a decade, at this point it's a habit I can't break. I had sex more last year than I did my entire marriage- very sad! I actually turned down sex with FWB last week because I was too tired. He responded with "Are you ok?", I've never turned it down before but it was the right thing. I initiated it with a text but as the day went on I felt like I wouldn't be any fun for him so I told him it wasn't a good idea, part of me still wanted him to come over and just use me for his pleasure and let me lay there but I know better. The mindfuck is still there but not as bad as it was. |
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Post by hopingforachange on Jun 3, 2017 10:03:02 GMT -5
Hahahahaha, remembering how many times you had sex in the last year is one of the messed up side effects of the SM. It absolutely is a messed up side effect! I've been writing it down for more than a decade, at this point it's a habit I can't break. I had sex more last year than I did my entire marriage- very sad! I actually turned down sex with FWB last week because I was too tired. He responded with "Are you ok?", I've never turned it down before but it was the right thing. I initiated it with a text but as the day went on I felt like I wouldn't be any fun for him so I told him it wasn't a good idea, part of me still wanted him to come over and just use me for his pleasure and let me lay there but I know better. The mindfuck is still there but not as bad as it was. That simple ability to have any form of control over not having sex and not worrying it is the last and only time offered for a long time, must feel great. When the W and I talked last night, she was shocked that I could figure out most of the exact dates we had sex back until the beginning of March. |
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Post by bballgirl on Jun 3, 2017 10:09:48 GMT -5
It absolutely is a messed up side effect! I've been writing it down for more than a decade, at this point it's a habit I can't break. I had sex more last year than I did my entire marriage- very sad! I actually turned down sex with FWB last week because I was too tired. He responded with "Are you ok?", I've never turned it down before but it was the right thing. I initiated it with a text but as the day went on I felt like I wouldn't be any fun for him so I told him it wasn't a good idea, part of me still wanted him to come over and just use me for his pleasure and let me lay there but I know better. The mindfuck is still there but not as bad as it was. That simple ability to have any form of control over not having sex must feel great. When the W and I talked last night, she was shocked that I could figure out most of the exact dates we had sex back until the beginning of March. There is a sense of peace that comes with it. I used to tell my H the numbers and frequency and his response was "I don't know I don't keep track of it". I said well I do. Sex was not important to him to his lifestyle and for the emotional connection it provides. He didn't need it. I do. We made the right decision to divorce, well I guess it was my unilateral decision. |
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Post by GeekGoddess on Jun 3, 2017 10:28:09 GMT -5
So many good things to celebrate! In a few weeks it will be 2 yrs since telling my H. In a few months, 2 yrs from moving out. A few months back was 1 yr since the divorce paperwork was official.
I'm so happy for you on your accomplishments! (& damn - kinda envious of 45 times in 1 year!)
You have created your life the way that makes you happy & that makes SO much difference to our ability to cope with other things we aren't in control of.
Freaking FABULOUS work you've put into this, lady. Very proud of you advocating for your needs!
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 3, 2017 10:43:00 GMT -5
Does Hallmark have a line of "Happy Divorce Anniversary " cards? They should!
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Post by lyn on Jun 3, 2017 12:26:22 GMT -5
I think their should be a hallmark card for sex 45x in one year!!!! Sounds like lottery winnings to me  Thank you for continuing to inspire bballgirl. Everytime I read your posts like this (and from others too like GeekGoddess, @smartkat, WindSister and countless others), I feel less afraid, and more optimistic. These really help 🦋 |
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Post by Caris on Jun 3, 2017 16:51:06 GMT -5
I'm happy for you. 🤗
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 3, 2017 21:04:10 GMT -5
My tribute (and congrats.) to you!
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Post by Deleted on Jun 3, 2017 22:55:30 GMT -5
I think their should be a hallmark card for sex 45x in one year!!!! Sounds like lottery winnings to me Thank you for continuing to inspire bballgirl. Everytime I read your posts like this (and from others too like GeekGoddess, @smartkat, WindSister and countless others), I feel less afraid, and more optimistic. These really help 🦋 Me?! But I don't feel confident yet. |
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Post by solodriver on Jun 4, 2017 3:23:53 GMT -5
I think their should be a hallmark card for sex 45x in one year!!!! Sounds like lottery winnings to me Thank you for continuing to inspire bballgirl . Everytime I read your posts like this (and from others too like GeekGoddess , @smartkat , WindSister and countless others), I feel less afraid, and more optimistic. These really help 🦋 OMG bballgirl, that's a little over once a week! That is wonderful and I'm so happy for you. You also give me hope as well.
Sorry for doing the math, it's a SM habit.
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Post by bballgirl on Jun 4, 2017 7:29:24 GMT -5
I think their should be a hallmark card for sex 45x in one year!!!! Sounds like lottery winnings to me Thank you for continuing to inspire bballgirl . Everytime I read your posts like this (and from others too like GeekGoddess , @smartkat , WindSister and countless others), I feel less afraid, and more optimistic. These really help 🦋 OMG bballgirl, that's a little over once a week! That is wonderful and I'm so happy for you. You also give me hope as well.
Sorry for doing the math, it's a SM habit.
Thank you. I understand I do the math too. I even keep a journal of the dates. |
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Post by hopingforachange on Jun 4, 2017 9:00:40 GMT -5
OMG bballgirl, that's a little over once a week! That is wonderful and I'm so happy for you. You also give me hope as well.
Sorry for doing the math, it's a SM habit.
Thank you. I understand I do the math too. I even keep a journal of the dates. I might just start a journal as well. |
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Post by bballgirl on Jun 4, 2017 9:19:52 GMT -5
Thank you. I understand I do the math too. I even keep a journal of the dates. I might just start a journal as well. I just use the notes app in my phone. Ex: 2006 2/8 That was it for that year! Uggh 2017 1/5,8,22 2/6, ... It is a hard habit to break. |
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