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Post by northstarmom on Jun 1, 2017 11:45:07 GMT -5
I am going zero intimacy starting today no kiss goodbye goodnight etc, no going to any of her social events nothing I did that and discovered I was happier expecting and doing nothing with my refuser. That knowledge helped pave my way to divorce. |
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Post by lwoetin on Jun 1, 2017 11:51:39 GMT -5
I am curious if sexlessness can create anxiety? Like by the time you do get touched, its painful and awkard and you just have all this anxiety related to intimacy/sex. I am curious if this is normal, especially if your spouse touches you in a small way after years of nothing. this is making actually so much more confused than ever. surprising that your h is trying to start something. Sexual anxiety is real for my wife. She is not a sexual being. So when weekend comes, she feels anxiety that leads to migraine or allergic bumps on her skin. Her hormones are out of whack or something. She enjoys our intimacy so I am confused by all of it. Maybe anxiety from lack of trusting our spouse? |
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Post by shamwow on Jun 1, 2017 11:58:47 GMT -5
Sexlessness not only causes anxiety...it is borderline PTSD.
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Post by h on Jun 1, 2017 12:15:18 GMT -5
Without question. It impacted my AP, also from an SM, to the point that he could not perform without the little blue pill. Although that is no longer an issue, if we have long bouts of separation, he sometimes still has to check in with his therapist (she specializes in sexual disorders) to talk him off the ledge. And I was so depressed that I considered suicide. There was a time years ago, when I was in that dark a place that I also considered suicide. Thankfully those days are behind me. Didn't want to "like" your post but thought it should be recognized. They need a sad face for that. |
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Post by shamwow on Jun 1, 2017 12:20:54 GMT -5
Without question. It impacted my AP, also from an SM, to the point that he could not perform without the little blue pill. Although that is no longer an issue, if we have long bouts of separation, he sometimes still has to check in with his therapist (she specializes in sexual disorders) to talk him off the ledge. And I was so depressed that I considered suicide. There was a time years ago, when I was in that dark a place that I also considered suicide. Thankfully those days are behind me. Didn't want to "like" your post but thought it should be recognized. They need a sad face for that. I can't say that my SM ever led me to consider suicide, but at one point I became acutely aware that the only way out of this thing was to die. Might sound like a distinction without a difference, and maybe it is. But that realization I had while riding my motorcycle one day led me to really question why divorce wasn't even an option on the table for me. And that led me to where I am today. |
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Post by h on Jun 1, 2017 12:29:03 GMT -5
There was a time years ago, when I was in that dark a place that I also considered suicide. Thankfully those days are behind me. Didn't want to "like" your post but thought it should be recognized. They need a sad face for that. I can't say that my SM ever led me to consider suicide, but at one point I became acutely aware that the only way out of this thing was to die. Might sound like a distinction without a difference, and maybe it is. But that realization I had while riding my motorcycle one day led me to really question why divorce wasn't even an option on the table for me. And that led me to where I am today. I made that distinction too. At the time, I quit taking care of myself hoping that an early heart attack or stroke would end it sooner. Not taking care of myself wasn't actually suicide so I figured it was different enough. Gained weight and increased my blood pressure in the process. |
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Post by WindSister on Jun 1, 2017 12:31:31 GMT -5
There was a time years ago, when I was in that dark a place that I also considered suicide. Thankfully those days are behind me. Didn't want to "like" your post but thought it should be recognized. They need a sad face for that. I can't say that my SM ever led me to consider suicide, but at one point I became acutely aware that the only way out of this thing was to die. Might sound like a distinction without a difference, and maybe it is. But that realization I had while riding my motorcycle one day led me to really question why divorce wasn't even an option on the table for me. And that led me to where I am today. I also wasn't suicidal, but I thought it wouldn't be such a bad thing if something like cancer just took me. Now I can't believe I ever had such a thought. I am thankful every freaking day for my health and my husband's health. (Heart-over-flowing kind of thankful) |
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Post by darktippedrose on Jun 1, 2017 13:56:03 GMT -5
well I don't exactly wish for my husband's good health lol. Sometimes I kind of wish he got hit with a big truck or a bus, but then I remember my son who is getting aggressive with the increase of testosterone. And that I need help with that. sigh.
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Post by shamwow on Jun 1, 2017 14:08:23 GMT -5
well I don't exactly wish for my husband's good health lol. Sometimes I kind of wish he got hit with a big truck or a bus, but then I remember my son who is getting aggressive with the increase of testosterone. And that I need help with that. sigh. Perhaps you can buy your son a big truck? Two birds with one stone? |
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Post by shamwow on Jun 1, 2017 14:38:11 GMT -5
well I don't exactly wish for my husband's good health lol. Sometimes I kind of wish he got hit with a big truck or a bus, but then I remember my son who is getting aggressive with the increase of testosterone. And that I need help with that. sigh. Actually, forget about my previous smart ass reply. Have you considered that your son may be getting aggressive with the increase of testosterone, but also with the influence of his shithead father? From reading your posts, your husband does not seem to show respect for you or anyone else. Is it surprising that as he models that behavior your son picks up on it and mimics? My situation is nothing at all like yours, but one of the reasons I'm leaving is so that I can model what I think good parenting is on my children when I have them (without being undermined). |
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Post by Chatter Fox on Jun 1, 2017 16:22:26 GMT -5
I am curious if sexlessness can create anxiety? Like by the time you do get touched, its painful and awkard and you just have all this anxiety related to intimacy/sex. I am curious if this is normal, especially if your spouse touches you in a small way after years of nothing. this is making actually so much more confused than ever. Hmmm... well let's see here. I know bits and pieces of your life with your husband from reading your posts. Based on what I've read, I can't imagine you NOT being anxious all around... sex or no sex. ...and I just can't imagine the thought of being intimate with the kind of person you are with. I think your feelings of anxiety are trying to tell you something. I really really hope that you are able to listen to them. Plain and simple, I think you are in an extremely abusive marriage. Anxiety would be a normal response in that environment if you ask me. It's not the sexlessness that is causing the anxiety, it's the abuse. Your emotions are screaming at you to either fight or flight. I hope you gain the courage to choose flight one day soon. I don't make such knee jerk statements often. I know its hard to see this stuff when you are immersed in it, but it seems clear as day to me when I read your posts. |
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Post by rdp62 on Jun 1, 2017 19:03:30 GMT -5
The bad part is I have active C-PTSD and bi polar depression and have attempted suicide not that long ago. You would not believe what she has said about that, to painful to repeat. Trying to fight off bad depression now but did change first deposit today
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Post by JonDoe on Jun 1, 2017 21:31:06 GMT -5
Yes. Anxiety, fear, lack of confidence. For me it was a ton of resentment and a depleted confidence level that impacted other relationships and aspects of my life. There were a few years were I was in a complete sober, brain fog and don't remember much from that time. Anxiety and fear didn't kick in for me until I started moving forward with divorce planning. After a few months, the anxiety is gone and the fear is slowly fading. I truly hope my heart hasn't completely turned to stone because I really need a snuggle bunny. I'm also hoping that I won't wait too long to reenter the dating scene or set the bar too high for a future romantic relationship such that it becomes unattainable. |
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Post by bballgirl on Jun 1, 2017 21:37:33 GMT -5
Yes. Anxiety, fear, lack of confidence. For me it was a ton of resentment and a depleted confidence level that impacted other relationships and aspects of my life. There were a few years were I was in a complete sober, brain fog and don't remember much from that time. Anxiety and fear didn't kick in for me until I started moving forward with divorce planning. After a few months, the anxiety is gone and the fear is slowly fading. I truly hope my heart hasn't completely turned to stone because I really need a snuggle bunny. I'm also hoping that I won't wait too long to reenter the dating scene or set the bar too high for a future romantic relationship such that it becomes unattainable. Take one step at a time and stay positive! |
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Post by darktippedrose on Jun 2, 2017 0:43:39 GMT -5
well I don't exactly wish for my husband's good health lol. Sometimes I kind of wish he got hit with a big truck or a bus, but then I remember my son who is getting aggressive with the increase of testosterone. And that I need help with that. sigh. Actually, forget about my previous smart ass reply. Have you considered that your son may be getting aggressive with the increase of testosterone, but also with the influence of his shithead father? From reading your posts, your husband does not seem to show respect for you or anyone else. Is it surprising that as he models that behavior your son picks up on it and mimics? My situation is nothing at all like yours, but one of the reasons I'm leaving is so that I can model what I think good parenting is on my children when I have them (without being undermined). My son is becoming more aggressive because of autism. A lot of autistic boys become more aggressive with puberty. and this is just the beginning stages of puberty. |
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