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Post by nancyb on May 31, 2017 7:06:18 GMT -5
Today is the first day of the rest of my life.  I mean that truly. The movers will be here in hours and I am ready. My ex and I shared some tears last night and both expressed the hope that with time we can revert to the good friends we were before our marriage. Guess time will tell. I'm not going to sugar coat anything this is heart wrenching. |
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Post by GeekGoddess on May 31, 2017 8:16:36 GMT -5
You ARE ready, nancyb - you can do this. It's a huge adjustment, so remember to be kind to yourself. Don't judge your feelings. Feel them. Honor them. They pass (both the bad ones and the good ones). Feelings aren't facts. You will get through the adjustment period and I predict it will not take long to have the thought, with firm conviction, I wish I'd done that sooner. No regrets, though. It takes what it takes to wake us up to our realities, see our choice in the matter. You are doing huge life-improving change. I think your going to love the new freedoms. |
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Post by bballgirl on May 31, 2017 8:35:28 GMT -5
Congrats!! So happy for you!!
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Post by WindSister on May 31, 2017 8:47:33 GMT -5
It's a whole lotta things -- it's messy, crazy and necessary and you will be great. ((hugs)) You got this!
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Post by shamwow on May 31, 2017 9:58:38 GMT -5
nancyb, please keep posting on how things are going. From a purely selfish perspective, I'm about a month behind you and knowing what's coming up will hopefully allow me to avoid potholes or at least prepare for the bumps. Yes, I know this is selfish...
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Post by Deleted on May 31, 2017 14:51:48 GMT -5
nancyb congratulations! I hope it all works out for you. It sounds so nice to be able to remain friends with your ex. I will never be able to.
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Post by Caris on May 31, 2017 16:15:43 GMT -5
Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I mean that truly. The movers will be here in hours and I am ready. My ex and I shared some tears last night and both expressed the hope that with time we can revert to the good friends we were before our marriage. Guess time will tell. I'm not going to sugar coat anything this is heart wrenching. It is heart wrenching. It was for me two years ago. There are many here to tell you about how it gets better, and I hope it does for you too. It took two-years for me to turn a corner, and that was only last month. It's different for everyone. Just do, and be, what feels right for you. Heal in your own time, and in your own way. Hugs. |
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Post by baza on May 31, 2017 23:37:54 GMT -5
All the anecdotal evidence from ILIASM escapees say that the divorce process is the worst, given that it is added pain to your already existing pain level courtesy of your ILIASM shithole.
It's rotten, but it is temporary.
Ms enna used constantly to say to divorcing persons, to apply the 48 hour rule.
That is to say, if you are thinking of things like "going back and begging for another try" or "topping yourself" or other negative thoughts, then acknowledge the feelings, sit with the feelings, but also commit to not acting on the feelings for 48 hours.
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Post by merrygoround on Jun 1, 2017 1:57:12 GMT -5
Interesting baza, I've been employing the "24 hour" rule for years when it comes to difficult, emotional, testing scenarios or decisions. |
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Post by tamara68 on Jun 1, 2017 2:25:43 GMT -5
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Post by McRoomMate on Jun 1, 2017 2:45:53 GMT -5
All the anecdotal evidence from ILIASM escapees say that the divorce process is the worst, given that it is added pain to your already existing pain level courtesy of your ILIASM shithole. It's rotten, but it is temporary. Ms enna used constantly to say to divorcing persons, to apply the 48 hour rule. That is to say, if you are thinking of things like "going back and begging for another try" or "topping yourself" or other negative thoughts, then acknowledge the feelings, sit with the feelings, but also commit to not acting on the feelings for 48 hours. This should be an ENTIRE POST TOPIC the 48 HOUR RULE - Oh absolutely. If there ever was a time in my life of "TEMPORARY INSANITY" it was during the first days / weeks of the actual physical separation. I now totally understand and believe in the Defence of "Temporary Insanity" because I was there. I mean worse than being black out drunk - just out of my mind. Never was I more of an emotional basket case and my thought process a Stage 5 Hurricane going in swirls of madness to calmness to rationality - everything seemed right and then everything seemed wrong. COURAGE and MOVE FORWARD ! ! ! |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 2, 2017 19:05:25 GMT -5
All the anecdotal evidence from ILIASM escapees say that the divorce process is the worst, given that it is added pain to your already existing pain level courtesy of your ILIASM shithole. It's rotten, but it is temporary. Ms enna used constantly to say to divorcing persons, to apply the 48 hour rule. That is to say, if you are thinking of things like "going back and begging for another try" or "topping yourself" or other negative thoughts, then acknowledge the feelings, sit with the feelings, but also commit to not acting on the feelings for 48 hours. I think in 12 Step programs, they advise people to think "Just for today." Don't think about what the whole entire rest of your life will be like. Just focus on getting through today - this day, this hour, this minute. I have a lot of trouble with this concept myself. Maybe you'll be better at it than I am! |
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Post by petrushka on Jun 2, 2017 19:30:14 GMT -5
All the anecdotal evidence from ILIASM escapees say that the divorce process is the worst, given that it is added pain to your already existing pain level courtesy of your ILIASM shithole. It's rotten, but it is temporary. Ms enna used constantly to say to divorcing persons, to apply the 48 hour rule. That is to say, if you are thinking of things like "going back and begging for another try" or "topping yourself" or other negative thoughts, then acknowledge the feelings, sit with the feelings, but also commit to not acting on the feelings for 48 hours. I think in 12 Step programs, they advise people to think "Just for today." Don't think about what the whole entire rest of your life will be like. Just focus on getting through today - this day, this hour, this minute. I have a lot of trouble with this concept myself. Maybe you'll be better at it than I am! Bugger, the 12 steps program (whatever that is, I think it's got to do with AA?). If I had not taken the long view, I might have got myself into bad strife quite a number for times. The 48 hour rule makes more sense. Rather than thinking 'just for today', what has always pulled me though is: 'this is temporary, the pain, the misery will be over, and there is so much potential for good stuff in the future. Do I really want to deprive myself of those experiences, those happy hours to come? Think about all the rest of your life, fool (me)! Caveat: I am not an alcoholic, I am not a heroin addict. If you're trying to rid yourself of an addiction with severe physical symptoms, the 12 steps thing may well be appropriate. For a moderately sane, moderately grown up person, I think there are other ways of dealing. |
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Post by lyn on Jun 3, 2017 21:48:24 GMT -5
Congratulations Nancy!!!! I hope you love your new place and find the joy you so deserve in this next chapter of your life.
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Post by solodriver on Jun 4, 2017 3:29:10 GMT -5
It's heartwrenching. During my first separation/divorce, the two times that hit me the hardest was the day the movers came to move her stuff out and the day of the final hearing. I cried after each of those events. I was so thankful to have a very wonderful friend that got me through both. You will make it Nancyb, just keep putting one foot in front of the other. We're hear to help you and cheer you Hugs SD |
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I mean that truly. The movers will be here in hours and I am ready. My ex and I shared some tears last night and both expressed the hope that with time we can revert to the good friends we were before our marriage. Guess time will tell. I'm not going to sugar coat anything this is heart wrenching.
