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Post by itsjustus on May 19, 2017 0:14:50 GMT -5
I had to share this....
Chatting with my love tonight, telling her I probably shouldn't criticize the men she's known before me who took her for granted and didn't respect her or all the love she has inside to give. She replied......
"It's OK...I understand. I feel the same way about how the women before me didn't appreciate or take care of you. A woman's love is healing...it's strength...it's comfort...it is acceptance of who you are .... The one person, the one place that a man doesn't need to always be strong. The one place his heart is safe"
Wow. Just....wow. THATS how it's supposed to be.
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Post by jim44444 on May 19, 2017 5:56:35 GMT -5
She is a wise woman itsjustus. Strangely I was reflecting last evening on my relationship with my W and I thought of how so many pundits claim the lack of communication is the cause of marital discourse. This may be true but as I reflected on the communication in my marriage I concluded that for me it is lacking because I no longer trust her with my heart. I no longer open up to her about my hopes, dreams or desires. I no longer bare my soul to her because I do not trust her to cherish that gift. |
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Post by nancyb on May 19, 2017 6:08:20 GMT -5
I am in a new relationship and at the stage where a decision needs to be made regarding the sharing of the essential self. I am going to take a leap of faith this weekend and let some of the walls down. What the hell I have survived a 14 year SM I can handle a little rejection it comes to that.  |
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Post by hopingforachange on May 19, 2017 6:16:42 GMT -5
She is a wise woman itsjustus. Strangely I was reflecting last evening on my relationship with my W and I thought of how so many pundits claim the lack of communication is the cause of marital discourse. This may be true but as I reflected on the communication in my marriage I concluded that for me it is lacking because I no longer trust her with my heart. I no longer open up to her about my hopes, dreams or desires. I no longer bare my soul to her because I do not trust her to cherish that gift. A few months ago the W was saying how we never talk anymore. I am now at the point where I can think again and the constant rejection has mad me choose to put up my walls. Now most of our talks are logistical and superficial feelings. |
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Post by itsjustus on May 19, 2017 6:25:22 GMT -5
I am in a new relationship and at the stage where a decision needs to be made regarding the sharing of the essential self. I am going to take a leap of faith this weekend and let some of the walls down. What the hell I have survived a 14 year SM I can handle a little rejection it comes to that. It does take a leap of faith. A big leap for those of us who have fallen off the cliff a time or two. We all want our hearts to be safe, but without getting up and trusting ourselves that we can face down that fear, that we can find that place where we are safe to be who we are, no armour, no protection, just wide open vulnerable, we would lay at the bottom of that cliff as human wreckage, missing out on what life, and love has to offer. It's scary. But it's necessary. When found, when that one person is found, it's like she said. Healing, comforting, strengthening. It's safe. The leap, the risk is big, but.... That reward is worth it. Good luck this weekend! |
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Post by jim44444 on May 19, 2017 6:36:52 GMT -5
A few months ago the W was saying how we never talk anymore. I am now at the point where I can think again and the constant rejection has mad me choose to put up my walls. Now most of our talks are logistical and superficial feelings. I agree. Talking and communicating not the same thing. I talk to strangers but I do not communicate with them. We exchange bits of data to facilitate the process of living. I communicate with those I trust so that we both may understand who I am and What is my foundation. Those walls we erect to protect our hearts and egos should not exist with our partners but are thickest with them because they have been trampled in the past. |
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Post by itsjustus on May 19, 2017 6:37:20 GMT -5
She is a wise woman itsjustus . Strangely I was reflecting last evening on my relationship with my W and I thought of how so many pundits claim the lack of communication is the cause of marital discourse. This may be true but as I reflected on the communication in my marriage I concluded that for me it is lacking because I no longer trust her with my heart. I no longer open up to her about my hopes, dreams or desires. I no longer bare my soul to her because I do not trust her to cherish that gift. Indeed jim44444, a very wise woman. And indeed, it's not exactly the *lack* of communication, its the kind. For me, I've just been told, quite explicitly, that my emotions, my feelings, my heart, are safe. That makes me want to open up even more, if that's even possible. I want that comfort, that healing, the acceptance. That wonderful feeling of being safe to be vulnerable and open. I trust her. Without that kind of communication, in fact in my marriage just the opposite, I pulled back too. Way back. Always guarded. This starting the eventual demise of my marriage. In other relationships, the trust died for just the same reason. Lack of trust. Lack of feeling safe. |
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Post by bballgirl on May 19, 2017 7:49:06 GMT -5
So happy for you guys!!
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Post by WindSister on May 19, 2017 8:14:18 GMT -5
It's amazing -- happy for you both. I know that feeling all too well. My husband said he had a wall up his whole entire life that came crumbling when he and I got together. The same for me because there has been no one else I have been able to be totally myself with - flaws, quirks, greatness and all (and still be in a safe place to love and be loved). When two people offer that for each other, it's beautiful and worth fighting for by appreciating, honoring and truly protecting.
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Post by greatcoastal on May 19, 2017 8:45:02 GMT -5
She is a wise woman itsjustus . Strangely I was reflecting last evening on my relationship with my W and I thought of how so many pundits claim the lack of communication is the cause of marital discourse. This may be true but as I reflected on the communication in my marriage I concluded that for me it is lacking because I no longer trust her with my heart. I no longer open up to her about my hopes, dreams or desires. I no longer bare my soul to her because I do not trust her to cherish that gift. A few months ago the W was saying how we never talk anymore. I am now at the point where I can think again and the constant rejection has mad me choose to put up my walls. Now most of our talks are logistical and superficial feelings. Everybody's got a right to be a sucker once. |
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Post by itsjustus on May 19, 2017 10:42:35 GMT -5
It's amazing -- happy for you both. I know that feeling all too well. My husband said he had a wall up his whole entire life that came crumbling when he and I got together. The same for me because there has been no one else I have been able to be totally myself with - flaws, quirks, greatness and all (and still be in a safe place to love and be loved). When two people offer that for each other, it's beautiful and worth fighting for by appreciating, honoring and truly protecting. You hit on a big one when it comes to me....us guy's....or any gender (of course) being in this kind of relationship. From my perspective as a guy, it's very hard for men to feel like they can let their "Masculine Strength" and "Always In Control" guard down. Meaning just what you listed, the perceived negative ones: Flaws. Quirks. And all. I can admit that I'm human. Admit I make mistakes. I know I can be an ass sometimes, and can be called out on it without hurting my "male ego". I can be wrong about things. I can be scared and apprehensive about what I'm thinking or doing. I don't have to keep up the facade of being the strong, stoic, always right kind of guy or even the prototypical Manly Man. I can show my vulnerable parts and pieces, take my manly armor off....and still be a man in her eyes. Her man. And oddly, that makes me feel more like a man than I ever have. Wow....who knew? That's what she meant by "The one person, the one place that a man doesn't need to always be strong." I can't even express how freeing that is! I can truly live my emotions, openly. That truly makes her my partner. My one person I can tell all of my fears, dreams, and hopes too. She's my peep. LOL And I offer that to her as well. Like you said, that's truly "worth fighting for by appreciating, honoring and truly protecting." Wow...... |
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Post by itsjustus on May 19, 2017 10:50:58 GMT -5
Oh...and one more thing... (I feel like I'm bragging, and maybe I am....) Just a little later, she texted "I love being a shelter for your heart, your body and your mind. I love you" Mind.....blown
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kam
Junior Member
Posts: 26
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Post by kam on May 20, 2017 2:04:16 GMT -5
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