I am in San Diego and really struggling with my SM situation. Trying to find a support group or someone in a similar situation with whom I may talk and compare notes. It isn't really something my wife wants to discuss and an awkward topic for friends and family.
Do you mean a group for both you and your wife to discuss the situation? I'm not sure if that exists outside some kind of marital counselling or sex therapy. Otherwise if it's just for you to talk, vent your feelings, share experiences and gain advice, comfort and support then I can assure you that you are in a good and safe place here.
Post by mrslowmaintenance on May 17, 2017 23:32:09 GMT -5
There are a few of us on the west coast, but not many. If you ever read Reddit there are a few subreddit called various versions of dead bedroom, done have a lot of members and you may be able to post something there of you really feel like you want an IRL talk. I can relate to the desire to have someone split a pot of coffee with to vent and listen to. This support group is amazing though, post more of your sorry if/when you are ready and you will hear a lot of good. Maybe some things you don't want to hear, but some things you should hear. Like you are worth it, you deserve sex and you are fuckable
I know this thread is old but are there any support groups for dealing with this that are in the mid-Atlantic area of the US?
I suggest you juse "google" it specific to the town or area you are in. Everything is online somewhere. But I suspect you will be hard pressed to find a more open minded or supportative group than the folks here.
If you want specific answers, ask specific questions.
Post by mirrororchid on Oct 30, 2023 18:52:46 GMT -5
I think what we're going for is people i9n our shoes who we can vent to, one on one, live.
Today I checked a few things. ProBoards, the mechanism behind ILIASM's forums has chat capability. That could be nice. Not sure if it can be done or how to ask (ModHatter ?) But that may be closer to what Aquacat has in mind.
A Zoom meeting might be closer to what he'd like.
Is face to face important?
Was looking into Reddit's DeadBedrooms group to see if they'd done anything like this. I'm getting some possible leads.
Chatzy might be a place to set up a virtual room if someone made the time and suggested amenable meeting days and times. www.chatzy.com/
It's not face to face though.
Is actual face to face an idea with legs? An ILIASM-Con? I think there was one once... Tennessee, was it?
Post by northstarmom on Oct 31, 2023 12:02:03 GMT -5
This is the support group you're looking for. Maybe you also could ask here if there are persons in your area who are willing to chat one on one about being involuntarily sexless in their relationship.
Like therapy, an in-office visit can be important to some people.
Forums like this are a level 1 emotional exchange medium. Level 0 might be DIY books or "lurking", relying on reading others' experiences and cobbling together what fits.
Level 2 could be live chat. Level 3 could be teleconference where you hear emotional inflection in voices. Level 4 adds body language and facial expressions. Level 5.... in person. Side by side presence/activity/movement away from your computer.
The difference between webinar and convention. Same info, different experience and opportunities for connection.
Post by northstarmom on Nov 1, 2023 12:12:13 GMT -5
"northstarmom Being alone when venting pain is unpleasant."
One isn't alone here while venting pain. In fact, it's probably the safest place to vent as it's so anonymous that there's no reason to feel disloyal to your spouse or like you're coming on to someone or asking for a come-on. You can get real support here without fearing you'll be exposed in real life. You also get to connect with a variety of people who have had similar experiences and this gives you access to a variety of perspectives.
Frankly, I'd feel more exposed and untrusting in most cases while meeting someone from here in person because if they were male, I'd be concerned that they'd be more interested in having sex with me than venting. I've never been into sexting or talking about sex with partnered/married men or men I'm not in a romantic relationshp with. Even now that I've been out of my SM and happily partnered for 10 years, it's rare that I talk with anyone in person about my SM.
I've always felt comfortable here sharing my experiences because it's so anonymous. I don't even use the message function (Note to anyone who has messaged me here, I've never read your messages. I don't even open that part of ILIASM.). The one exception is that I've become social media friends with a couple of people whom I met on the predecessor of this site. We had a lot in common outside of having been in SMs. We never talk about our history of SM.
The only place I'd consider safer than here to vent about one's SM would be in individual therapy. Of course, people are different, so YMMV.
FWIW I am very active in social media in general. I've found that in general advice social media sites, the people who most post about being involuntarily sexless in their relationships are women.
I understand wanting to communicate with people who have experienced sexlessness face to face rather than being limited to writing. As with many of us, I have made friends for life here, and I cherish those friendships greatly. These people have made a huge difference to my choices to change my situation and my post marriage journey too.
I used messaging on ILAISM, email, phone texting/WhatsApp, video calling and there really was something very valuable about hearing the voice, seeing the mannerisms and looking into the eyes of your friend. I have spoken to 4 men and 1 woman this way. And I have met two people in person. No-one was in any way inappropriate and it never crossed my mind anyone had any desire to sleep with me.
It might be worth noting that everyone I met virtually or in person has been smart, interesting and a very physically attractive person. On all occasions (for both genders) I immediately thought, wow, your daft spouse didn’t want to get intimate with you? Just a bit more evidence that it’s not us, it’s them.
After a few posts on the Reddit Dead Bedrooms sub, I was invited to a sexless marriage Discord Server. They occasionally do voice chats there through the Discord app. Some people post videos and selfies so you know who you're talking to.
Bits of me are dying but others are growing. One step at a time.