Same Song - Different Channel

Hello all – guess nowhere else to really start than pretty much the same rhetoric of that I’m grateful for finding this forum and that I hate that I’ve “had to” find this forum. Small snippet of my SM status – starts back to when we met and W was saving herself for marriage and being 19 and coming out of very active pasts that was hard to swallow at first but we made do for some time. Well there was an oopsie moment in both our judgments at about the 9mo point and well that led to us both not wanting to move forward with that as we both concluded we were not ready. So years go by and we carry out our lives and the normal ups and downs of such. There were a couple of times she had “left” but more notably right before our first wedding anniversary. Wait forgot to mention we continued to date/were engaged for over 6yrs and now have been married for almost 12. So anyway all through the early stages right up to that first anniversary I was extremely focused on right setting our future and worked worked worked (night shift at that). That caused a lot of tension but we would come together still and make some time for each other. Well the social media phase was really starting to take off at that time and well anyone that paid a little more attention seemed to turn the grass greener. There was never any physical cheating but for sure W has mentally checked out numerous times. We go through counseling and well the normal gets brought up about me not paying enough attention and then the guilt trip of the 1st encounter gets brought up and that she had never forgiven me for that but also had never said a word about it before either. We work through that all and focus on starting a family as that was her greatest desire and need and I do/say whatever it takes to entice her to stay as well as get things going under the sheets. Along comes #1 and all focus is put onto him until the “need” for #2 enters and back to counseling we go. Again I left with my head hanging low with the feeling like all the blame is put onto me that I’m not right in how I’m treating my son and that again I’m not satisfying her desire for another child and at that point I was still working lots of hours and off shifts. So again I do whatever it takes to right the ship and things seem well and we welcomed #2 4yrs ago.


Anyway all along during non-procreation times sex was minimal and through all the years I can count on one hand the number of times the W has initiated. If I were to come up with an average at the best of times maybe lucky to see action twice a month with at times months of none and a couple of times over a year (not counting “expecting” times). Current state is that two years ago I asked for an understanding of why things are the way they are and was given the reason that she’s changed and is unsure of things and needs to love herself before she can love me. She agreed to working on it and wanting to stay but there has been no action on her part. We both have a hard time with communication especially when we are right in front of each other - started out with talking and writing to each other but for over a year now she has not responded to anything I’ve discussed or written. At this point I’m just uncertain of what direction I’m going to take but her non-actions have pretty much destroyed me and any desire I have to keep a positive outlook on things. I feel that I’ve given my all and have nothing left to give to this. Pretty sure I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s time to “call it” and move along…


Again, glad to find this forum and be able to read others accounts of things and how they are handling. I’m stuck right now and this is the first time that my thoughts have ever been to think about leaving and by lurking here and getting ideas on how to cope and move forward have been enlightening…