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Post by cagedtiger on May 15, 2017 10:30:08 GMT -5
Tomorrow is our second wedding anniversary.
Today, Facebook reminded me via Timehop that a year ago tonight I was at a concert with three of my closest friends, and she wasn't present (again). My journal tells me that I had a blast, but hated that once again I was having fun without her. It also reminded that we'd been sexless for just under five months by that point, and I'd already started having serious thoughts that maybe this wasn't going to last.
I remember putting off shopping for her anniversary present and card for as long as possible, and spending half an hour in a Hallmark store, trying to find a card that would've have been an utter lie about how the marriage had gone thus far, and my feelings about us and her. I remember dreading the following day, even as I posted pictures from our wedding to my various social media outlets.
This year, I'm not even planning on talking to her, if I can avoid it. I'll probably go check out a couple of apartment rentals, go work out with friends, and maybe meet a friend or two for dinner.
It'll be quiet, but it'll be nice to not have to lie to myself and everybody else.
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Post by greatcoastal on May 15, 2017 10:38:56 GMT -5
You're doing the right thing friend!
That's about the way I spent yesterday, (mothers day).
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Post by GeekGoddess on May 15, 2017 11:17:36 GMT -5
Not lying is such freedom. I'm sorry you had to go through this, but so glad you found the forum before decades had passed.
Good luck on the rentals!
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Post by shamwow on May 15, 2017 11:23:37 GMT -5
Tomorrow is our second wedding anniversary. Today, Facebook reminded me via Timehop that a year ago tonight I was at a concert with three of my closest friends, and she wasn't present (again). My journal tells me that I had a blast, but hated that once again I was having fun without her. It also reminded that we'd been sexless for just under five months by that point, and I'd already started having serious thoughts that maybe this wasn't going to last. I remember putting off shopping for her anniversary present and card for as long as possible, and spending half an hour in a Hallmark store, trying to find a card that would've have been an utter lie about how the marriage had gone thus far, and my feelings about us and her. I remember dreading the following day, even as I posted pictures from our wedding to my various social media outlets. This year, I'm not even planning on talking to her, if I can avoid it. I'll probably go check out a couple of apartment rentals, go work out with friends, and maybe meet a friend or two for dinner. It'll be quiet, but it'll be nice to not have to lie to myself and everybody else. Second wedding anniversary? For some weird reason I thought you'd been in it longer. I'm so happy you figured this crap out a lot sooner than many of the rest of us. Still young enough to bounce right back and didn't let 20 years go by like me. |
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Post by Deleted on May 15, 2017 11:36:03 GMT -5
My journal tells me that I had a blast, but hated that once again I was having fun without her. It also reminded that we'd been sexless for just under five months by that point, and I'd already started having serious thoughts that maybe this wasn't going to last. Soon you will stop feeling bad for having fun without her. She is the one who made the marriage sexless, and you should not feel bad at all. I am so relieved to know you have only been married 2 years with no kids. That makes it so much easier to detach. |
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Post by cagedtiger on May 15, 2017 13:39:07 GMT -5
Tomorrow is our second wedding anniversary. Today, Facebook reminded me via Timehop that a year ago tonight I was at a concert with three of my closest friends, and she wasn't present (again). My journal tells me that I had a blast, but hated that once again I was having fun without her. It also reminded that we'd been sexless for just under five months by that point, and I'd already started having serious thoughts that maybe this wasn't going to last. I remember putting off shopping for her anniversary present and card for as long as possible, and spending half an hour in a Hallmark store, trying to find a card that would've have been an utter lie about how the marriage had gone thus far, and my feelings about us and her. I remember dreading the following day, even as I posted pictures from our wedding to my various social media outlets. This year, I'm not even planning on talking to her, if I can avoid it. I'll probably go check out a couple of apartment rentals, go work out with friends, and maybe meet a friend or two for dinner. It'll be quiet, but it'll be nice to not have to lie to myself and everybody else. Second wedding anniversary? For some weird reason I thought you'd been in it longer. I'm so happy you figured this crap out a lot sooner than many of the rest of us. Still young enough to bounce right back and didn't let 20 years go by like me. The weekend after our anniversary, we went to the mountains for a long weekend (I've talked about it in another post here somewhere). Based on everything that had happened before, and because of that weekend, I started looking into sexless marriages as soon as we returned home. The next day, I found my way here. |
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Post by thistooshallpass on May 15, 2017 13:51:19 GMT -5
Tomorrow is our second wedding anniversary. Today, Facebook reminded me via Timehop that a year ago tonight I was at a concert with three of my closest friends, and she wasn't present (again). My journal tells me that I had a blast, but hated that once again I was having fun without her. It also reminded that we'd been sexless for just under five months by that point, and I'd already started having serious thoughts that maybe this wasn't going to last. I remember putting off shopping for her anniversary present and card for as long as possible, and spending half an hour in a Hallmark store, trying to find a card that would've have been an utter lie about how the marriage had gone thus far, and my feelings about us and her. I remember dreading the following day, even as I posted pictures from our wedding to my various social media outlets. This year, I'm not even planning on talking to her, if I can avoid it. I'll probably go check out a couple of apartment rentals, go work out with friends, and maybe meet a friend or two for dinner. It'll be quiet, but it'll be nice to not have to lie to myself and everybody else. Second wedding anniversary? For some weird reason I thought you'd been in it longer. I'm so happy you figured this crap out a lot sooner than many of the rest of us. Still young enough to bounce right back and didn't let 20 years go by like me. I thought the same thing, shamwow. But then again, so much crap can happen in a year; or so much of nothing fun or pleasurable, that a year can feel like an eternity. Anything past that can feel like hell on earth. CT, I'm glad you're planning on being productive with your time, AND that you're also planning on having a good time with friends. To thine own self be true, my friend. |
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Post by cagedtiger on May 15, 2017 13:53:46 GMT -5
My journal tells me that I had a blast, but hated that once again I was having fun without her. It also reminded that we'd been sexless for just under five months by that point, and I'd already started having serious thoughts that maybe this wasn't going to last. Soon you will stop feeling bad for having fun without her. She is the one who made the marriage sexless, and you should not feel bad at all. I am so relieved to know you have only been married 2 years with no kids. That makes it so much easier to detach. To be honest, I stopped feeling bad about having fun without her a good while ago - probably later that same summer. At the same time, I think, I stopped missing her when she wasn't around, and actually began looking forward to her not being around. At this point it's just a matter of finishing the year in purgatory required, and splitting up things. |
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Post by Deleted on May 15, 2017 15:12:36 GMT -5
Soon you will stop feeling bad for having fun without her. She is the one who made the marriage sexless, and you should not feel bad at all. I am so relieved to know you have only been married 2 years with no kids. That makes it so much easier to detach. To be honest, I stopped feeling bad about having fun without her a good while ago - probably later that same summer. At the same time, I think, I stopped missing her when she wasn't around, and actually began looking forward to her not being around. At this point it's just a matter of finishing the year in purgatory required, and splitting up things. the sooner the better. Life with a refuser is no life at all. |
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Post by lyn on May 15, 2017 16:11:11 GMT -5
You've got this CT! Such a good idea to have a concrete plan for tomorrow. Who knows, "something" may or may not hit you. I hope NOT.
Go out and have fun with your friends! No crying in your beer - but - doubt that would happen anyway.
I hope you find the coolest apartment!
And, I have to say, following your journey here, you are a class act my friend. It's obvious from the way you've handled all of this so far.
HUGE but painful learning experience.
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Post by Deleted on May 15, 2017 18:13:51 GMT -5
Holidays and anniversaries can be weird. I'm glad you've made plans to do something positive at that time.
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Post by cagedtiger on May 15, 2017 19:53:06 GMT -5
You've got this CT! Such a good idea to have a concrete plan for tomorrow. Who knows, "something" may or may not hit you. I hope NOT. Go out and have fun with your friends! No crying in your beer - but - doubt that would happen anyway. I hope you find the coolest apartment! And, I have to say, following your journey here, you are a class act my friend. It's obvious from the way you've handled all of this so far. HUGE but painful learning experience. Thank you. The last couple of weeks I've started really, really turning my focus onto who I want to be once everything is said and done, and this will go much, much more easily when I'm in my own place. I'm excited! |
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Post by Venus Erotes on May 15, 2017 20:00:02 GMT -5
Tomorrow is our second wedding anniversary. Today, Facebook reminded me via Timehop that a year ago tonight I was at a concert with three of my closest friends, and she wasn't present (again). My journal tells me that I had a blast, but hated that once again I was having fun without her. It also reminded that we'd been sexless for just under five months by that point, and I'd already started having serious thoughts that maybe this wasn't going to last. I remember putting off shopping for her anniversary present and card for as long as possible, and spending half an hour in a Hallmark store, trying to find a card that would've have been an utter lie about how the marriage had gone thus far, and my feelings about us and her. I remember dreading the following day, even as I posted pictures from our wedding to my various social media outlets. This year, I'm not even planning on talking to her, if I can avoid it. I'll probably go check out a couple of apartment rentals, go work out with friends, and maybe meet a friend or two for dinner. It'll be quiet, but it'll be nice to not have to lie to myself and everybody else. Oh CT, I am so sorry this anniversary is upon you, but at the same time, I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! You are free to be who you are! So many of us are still stuck for our own personal reasons, but it sounds like you have set yourself free  |
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Post by Venus Erotes on May 15, 2017 20:02:47 GMT -5
Tomorrow is our second wedding anniversary. Today, Facebook reminded me via Timehop that a year ago tonight I was at a concert with three of my closest friends, and she wasn't present (again). My journal tells me that I had a blast, but hated that once again I was having fun without her. It also reminded that we'd been sexless for just under five months by that point, and I'd already started having serious thoughts that maybe this wasn't going to last. I remember putting off shopping for her anniversary present and card for as long as possible, and spending half an hour in a Hallmark store, trying to find a card that would've have been an utter lie about how the marriage had gone thus far, and my feelings about us and her. I remember dreading the following day, even as I posted pictures from our wedding to my various social media outlets. This year, I'm not even planning on talking to her, if I can avoid it. I'll probably go check out a couple of apartment rentals, go work out with friends, and maybe meet a friend or two for dinner. It'll be quiet, but it'll be nice to not have to lie to myself and everybody else. Second wedding anniversary? For some weird reason I thought you'd been in it longer. I'm so happy you figured this crap out a lot sooner than many of the rest of us. Still young enough to bounce right back and didn't let 20 years go by like me. NO kidding! Twenty years later.... <-me |
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Post by greatcoastal on May 21, 2017 13:06:23 GMT -5
So how did it go? Did you make it without any contact with each other?
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