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Post by csl on May 11, 2017 11:47:22 GMT -5
How about - I like sex just not with you. Funny you should say that. Dr. Corey Allan, of Sexy Marriage Radio (a Christian podcast) tells of hearing his wife say that in a counseling session, early in their marriage. After listening to his wife describe the marriage, he realized that he wouldn't want to have sex with that type of person, either! To his credit, he worked on his character and actions, and is now one of the most respected Christian marriage and sexuality podcasters/counselors in the field. |
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Post by bballgirl on May 11, 2017 13:44:00 GMT -5
How about - I like sex just not with you. Funny you should say that. Dr. Corey Allan, of Sexy Marriage Radio (a Christian podcast) tells of hearing his wife say that in a counseling session, early in their marriage. After listening to his wife describe the marriage, he realized that he wouldn't want to have sex with that type of person, either! To his credit, he worked on his character and actions, and is now one of the most respected Christian marriage and sexuality podcasters/counselors in the field. Great that there was honesty and communication. Most refusers are avoidant and dishonest and give excuses instead of reasons. My ex never once said he didn't want sex with me but after two decades of being fooled I woke up and realized the truth on my own, with the help of EP! |
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Post by shamwow on May 11, 2017 14:24:10 GMT -5
How about - I like sex just not with you. Likely the most common. Like, suppose Zeus descends waves his hand and everyone gets divorced here, tomorrow. Does everybody seriously expect their partner is never going to seek sex again with someone else? Maybe go to some trouble to have it? Get fit? Get dressed up? Risk, emotionally? That's it for the rest of their lives? Celibacy? Shit! I think I'm going about this the wrong way. Screw all this stuff with lawyers and divorce decrees. Do you have Zeus's number? Seriously, though, I think that it would be interesting to put our spouses under a truth serum and ask why they are averse to sex. I bet just not being attracted to us is probably the top item. As to whether they would get themselves back on the market? Maybe, and it would probably require some effort, but just looking at it non-scientifically, it does not appear that most of the people who get divorce (and some of them have to be refusers in a SM) eventually wind up dating and presumably having sex after the marriage is over. I honestly hope that my STBX finds someone who makes her happy. If she could find a man who adores our kids, is interested in sports, active on social media, and has a low sex drive like hers (perhaps ED) I think she has a good chance at happiness after our marriage. And those people DO exist out there. Unfortunately, I am opposite on every one of those points other than adoring our kids. |
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Post by bballgirl on May 11, 2017 14:34:35 GMT -5
Likely the most common. Like, suppose Zeus descends waves his hand and everyone gets divorced here, tomorrow. Does everybody seriously expect their partner is never going to seek sex again with someone else? Maybe go to some trouble to have it? Get fit? Get dressed up? Risk, emotionally? That's it for the rest of their lives? Celibacy? Shit! I think I'm going about this the wrong way. Screw all this stuff with lawyers and divorce decrees. Do you have Zeus's number? Seriously, though, I think that it would be interesting to put our spouses under a truth serum and ask why they are averse to sex. I bet just not being attracted to us is probably the top item. As to whether they would get themselves back on the market? Maybe, and it would probably require some effort, but just looking at it non-scientifically, it does not appear that most of the people who get divorce (and some of them have to be refusers in a SM) eventually wind up dating and presumably having sex after the marriage is over. I honestly hope that my STBX finds someone who makes her happy. If she could find a man who adores our kids, is interested in sports, active on social media, and has a low sex drive like hers (perhaps ED) I think she has a good chance at happiness after our marriage. And those people DO exist out there. Unfortunately, I am opposite on every one of those points other than adoring our kids. Ha! You would love Mr. Bballgirl lol He even has the ED at least he did for me. Sorry I couldn't hold that one back!! |
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Post by shamwow on May 11, 2017 14:46:02 GMT -5
Shit! I think I'm going about this the wrong way. Screw all this stuff with lawyers and divorce decrees. Do you have Zeus's number? Seriously, though, I think that it would be interesting to put our spouses under a truth serum and ask why they are averse to sex. I bet just not being attracted to us is probably the top item. As to whether they would get themselves back on the market? Maybe, and it would probably require some effort, but just looking at it non-scientifically, it does not appear that most of the people who get divorce (and some of them have to be refusers in a SM) eventually wind up dating and presumably having sex after the marriage is over. I honestly hope that my STBX finds someone who makes her happy. If she could find a man who adores our kids, is interested in sports, active on social media, and has a low sex drive like hers (perhaps ED) I think she has a good chance at happiness after our marriage. And those people DO exist out there. Unfortunately, I am opposite on every one of those points other than adoring our kids. Ha! You would love Mr. Bballgirl lol He even has the ED at least he did for me. Sorry I couldn't hold that one back!! The sad part is that I didn't even mean the ED thing in a mean spirited way. It sounds like it might be a good match in a weird kind of way. |
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Post by greatcoastal on May 11, 2017 15:10:29 GMT -5
How about - I like sex just not with you. Funny you should say that. Dr. Corey Allan, of Sexy Marriage Radio (a Christian podcast) tells of hearing his wife say that in a counseling session, early in their marriage. After listening to his wife describe the marriage, he realized that he wouldn't want to have sex with that type of person, either! To his credit, he worked on his character and actions, and is now one of the most respected Christian marriage and sexuality podcasters/counselors in the field. I remember in our counseling my therapist asking me " how would you feel if you found out your wife was having an affair?" I remember my response, "That would be great, good for her! I hope she would remain happy. At least that would explain things". Meanwhile time after time my STBX avoided any responsibility and would try to shift the blame onto me. |
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Post by novembercomingfire on May 11, 2017 15:54:57 GMT -5
Funny you should say that. Dr. Corey Allan, of Sexy Marriage Radio (a Christian podcast) tells of hearing his wife say that in a counseling session, early in their marriage. After listening to his wife describe the marriage, he realized that he wouldn't want to have sex with that type of person, either! To his credit, he worked on his character and actions, and is now one of the most respected Christian marriage and sexuality podcasters/counselors in the field. I remember in our counseling my therapist asking me " how would you feel if you found out your wife was having an affair?" I remember my response, "That would be great, good for her! I hope she would remain happy. At least that would explain things". Meanwhile time after time my STBX avoided any responsibility and would try to shift the blame onto me. I totally get this. I have felt this way for about 20 years. |
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Post by snowman12345 on May 11, 2017 18:29:22 GMT -5
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Post by greatcoastal on May 11, 2017 18:30:39 GMT -5
Likely the most common. Like, suppose Zeus descends waves his hand and everyone gets divorced here, tomorrow. Does everybody seriously expect their partner is never going to seek sex again with someone else? Maybe go to some trouble to have it? Get fit? Get dressed up? Risk, emotionally? That's it for the rest of their lives? Celibacy? Nope. I don't believe it for a second. My wife enjoyed the feeling of knowing that she could force me to be celibate. That is how much control means to her. Of course now she claims that i was never good enough, but sure. But there is one thing that means more to her than control and that is money. When she finds her zillionaire (and i am sure that she will) there will not be a question of celibacy or clinical sexlessness. I want to share with you a response I received from a lady called Mettamomma, about a year and a half ago on EP. "Why are you wasting your energy and support on a woman who has no interest? Are you doing these things now to prove to yourself that the marriage is permanently broken and you're right to divorce? Whatever your reasoning, I hope you are spending some time with people who do support and encourage you. Otherwise, your quest to call forth some tenderness from your wife may destroy your soul". Hope this is helpful for you. it was for me. |
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Post by bballgirl on May 11, 2017 18:44:51 GMT -5
I see your point and it makes sense. I see the difference with the 3 and yes the indifference is the worst. My ex loved me the best he knew how but I'd say when it came to sex he was indifferent. The love wasn't a normal healthy husband/wife love and I wanted more for myself. |
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Post by baza on May 11, 2017 21:34:44 GMT -5
The first two have some semblance of honesty in them.
The last one is just obfuscating.
They are all saying - "I don't want to root you"
But as ever, observe the follow up actions.
They will tell you the truth.
The "words", not so much.
This "indifference" position example #3 exhibits is an avoidant spouses stock in trade.
It invites you to hope that a change of position may perhaps somehow happen - in some mysterious way, at some indeterminate future time, under some unknown condition, for reasons unexplained or unexplainable.
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Post by seabr33z3 on May 12, 2017 3:30:58 GMT -5
"I don't like you and don't want to be married to you but I have a good life and don't want to give that up but I WILL Taze you if you come near me!" 😂😂😂😂 |
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Post by worksforme2 on May 12, 2017 5:58:16 GMT -5
How about - I like sex just not with you. Does everybody seriously expect their partner is never going to seek sex again with someone else? Maybe go to some trouble to have it? Get fit? Get dressed up? Risk, emotionally? That's it for the rest of their lives? Celibacy? I have given a small amount of my time to observation and analysis of this query as concerns my X. It's been exactly 2yrs. since we separated and she shows absolutely no interest in any sort of platonic, romantic or even a conversational relationship when it comes to men. She often states she could care less about ever having to be sexual with anyone else. If she wasn't intimate with me every 3 months or so I am pretty sure she would be celibate. |
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