Post by jayishere on May 6, 2017 19:25:27 GMT -5
I have lived a married life without sex or close physical intimacy for 22 years of my life...I am finally coming to terms with being comfortable and don't feel like it is worthy of all the troubles. Was there ever sex with my wife? Yes... Did I love my wife?...maybe...maybe not...Did I like my wife? Yes, we were friends and co-workers before it all spiraled...why did I propose and marry?....too immature, no previous sex experience, stupidity? All things that start this way are meant to fail..right?
Well, in retrospect, we both had not been intimate with anyone, no boy friends(her) or girlfriends(me)...ever, we both had self esteem issues and both had been sexually molested as very young kids. (These things really mess you up for the rest of your life)....so, we continued our personal struggles and had a child...well, she wanted a kid, because her sister and cousin had one....another wrong!....
Before the kid, we had been stationed, managing a remote field station, can't say more...sorry...a 24/7 job that required all you had mentally and physically....so, sex was already sporadic, if there was any. As I was recruited to inseminate on demand, sex became more fun, in my opinion...I was pulled and dragged to bed...lol...grudgingly happily to perform the act because of ovulation timing, again, that was fun...it felt like I was wanted.
Then came our kid, living as remotely as we where, you can imagine grandparent pressure began, sex life?...what's that...somehow we managed...work pressure keep us busy, kid was safe at closed secure facilities...work pressure affected our relationship, I got my anxieties off by hurting my wife verbally...I wish she had divorced me then...we continued our insane struggle, no sex, with a kid and an impossibly demanding job....for 4 more years of 17 we had already spent in that leadership....so finally we where forced to leave...by the need to socialize our ape kid..lol...the kid had to be brought back to the human World...so we prepped and recruited our new team leader and moved back to the World of phones, internet, tv, humans and cities.
The job was our connecting rod, after that, it was our child. My wife stayed with me because of him...I struggled to find work in a social World, so used to my prior leadership isolation kingdom...our new World compounded our conflicts, but we, the Masochist/Sadistic team stayed put, sleeping together on and off, maybe having sex occasionally...but it has been awhile. Why do people stay in shitty relationships? That's a complex question with equally complex answers, but let's say...Kids, hope for change, security, fear, shame, amongst many other. Humans are complex emotional machines and we all have issues and fears we often keep hidden from our closest allies...wives and husbands. We are still married, live in the same home and our kid is a 24 year old college graduate with a successful job, life and fiancé. I know many would have jump off a ship like ours, but we haven't, my wife isn't seeking other males, has never...her only crush was JFK jr...and we all know he is RIP. I have never gone actively after any women, although many have not been even polite about wanting sex from me...and don't get me going about male unwanted attentions.
Are we happy? We have a great emotionally stable offspring, a large paid off home estate, resources, health, freedom, live in a beautiful town, have friends, travel....but we don't have physical sex with anyone. We both get off in our own personal ways, and seem to not miss a thing. We live as we started...as friends.
I have related this story hoping to bring about attention to the fact that not all in life is about sex...you bet it is important, but many things can get in the way of the relationships between two people. I want to think that I am satisfied and reasonably happy with my very convoluted and crazy life trip. Have I thought about splitting? Sure. But then I come to websites like this and I take it all in, keeping my emotions aside, looking to understand other people's conflicts, trying to make sense of what I have and what I stand to lose.
Well, in retrospect, we both had not been intimate with anyone, no boy friends(her) or girlfriends(me)...ever, we both had self esteem issues and both had been sexually molested as very young kids. (These things really mess you up for the rest of your life)....so, we continued our personal struggles and had a child...well, she wanted a kid, because her sister and cousin had one....another wrong!....
Before the kid, we had been stationed, managing a remote field station, can't say more...sorry...a 24/7 job that required all you had mentally and physically....so, sex was already sporadic, if there was any. As I was recruited to inseminate on demand, sex became more fun, in my opinion...I was pulled and dragged to bed...lol...grudgingly happily to perform the act because of ovulation timing, again, that was fun...it felt like I was wanted.
Then came our kid, living as remotely as we where, you can imagine grandparent pressure began, sex life?...what's that...somehow we managed...work pressure keep us busy, kid was safe at closed secure facilities...work pressure affected our relationship, I got my anxieties off by hurting my wife verbally...I wish she had divorced me then...we continued our insane struggle, no sex, with a kid and an impossibly demanding job....for 4 more years of 17 we had already spent in that leadership....so finally we where forced to leave...by the need to socialize our ape kid..lol...the kid had to be brought back to the human World...so we prepped and recruited our new team leader and moved back to the World of phones, internet, tv, humans and cities.
The job was our connecting rod, after that, it was our child. My wife stayed with me because of him...I struggled to find work in a social World, so used to my prior leadership isolation kingdom...our new World compounded our conflicts, but we, the Masochist/Sadistic team stayed put, sleeping together on and off, maybe having sex occasionally...but it has been awhile. Why do people stay in shitty relationships? That's a complex question with equally complex answers, but let's say...Kids, hope for change, security, fear, shame, amongst many other. Humans are complex emotional machines and we all have issues and fears we often keep hidden from our closest allies...wives and husbands. We are still married, live in the same home and our kid is a 24 year old college graduate with a successful job, life and fiancé. I know many would have jump off a ship like ours, but we haven't, my wife isn't seeking other males, has never...her only crush was JFK jr...and we all know he is RIP. I have never gone actively after any women, although many have not been even polite about wanting sex from me...and don't get me going about male unwanted attentions.
Are we happy? We have a great emotionally stable offspring, a large paid off home estate, resources, health, freedom, live in a beautiful town, have friends, travel....but we don't have physical sex with anyone. We both get off in our own personal ways, and seem to not miss a thing. We live as we started...as friends.
I have related this story hoping to bring about attention to the fact that not all in life is about sex...you bet it is important, but many things can get in the way of the relationships between two people. I want to think that I am satisfied and reasonably happy with my very convoluted and crazy life trip. Have I thought about splitting? Sure. But then I come to websites like this and I take it all in, keeping my emotions aside, looking to understand other people's conflicts, trying to make sense of what I have and what I stand to lose.
