Hallelujah --- repost from November 2016
May 6, 2017 9:35:24 GMT -5
Dan, misssunnybunny, and 7 more like this
Post by RexCorvus on May 6, 2017 9:35:24 GMT -5
With permission I am reposting this story I wrote from last November...
"Hallelujah"
Well, I heard there was a secret chord
That David played and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
Well it goes like this:
The fourth, the fifth, the minor fall and the major lift
The baffled KING composing Hallelujah
I met a woman online and we began conversing via messages. I told her my sexless marriage story and my back story, which I have written here as “My Story”. My story spoke to her heart, and she shared with me that she is also in a sexless marriage and gave me insight into her back story. She could feel my compassion and she heard my voice through my words.
We spoke more of our struggles, the pain and despair our sexless marriages bring us daily. We spoke of cancer and other health issues that brought to light just how precious every day is and how we feel it flying away from us. We became more open and disclosed our indiscretions and who we have confided in about our situations. She told me about her AP whom she met a couple of months before and how at times she struggles with it, but needs the intimacy and physical attention she has been denied for so long.
I felt her being through her words. I felt her joy, her pain, her enduring spirit and intrinsic warmth. I made an ass of myself in one of my messages to her. I drank too much and offered to reveal more of myself than just my compassion to her… (wince). I apologized the next day, and was sure that was going to end the budding friendship we were building. Instead, she LOL at me and compassionately joked she would like to see my face first and told me about her drunken texting misfortunes. Then she asked me a question:
“So, wanna see a pic of me??? (A head shot that is??) lol!!”
I quoted her some lines from Good Will Hunting and then replied:
“So you know, I was hoping for the full body shot, Thank you... but yeah I was kinda hoping for a face picture. :-)”
Then she changed my life forever… She sent me three selfies
She is the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen in my life!!! I was stunned, my heart quickened and it was hard to breathe. I was intensely angry that her husband had no desire for her. How could any man not want to dedicate himself to win her affection and love!!! Her pictures were like a siren song to my soul, enchanting my being irresistibly through space and time!!! Her hair has a natural curl that twirls and twists around her beautiful face. I wanted so desperately to cup her face in my hands and to kiss her full and luscious lips. I could see above her shirt’s U shaped neckline, lightly scattered freckles laid across her chest. My grandmother told me as child that freckles were beauty marks from God, before me I found was a picture of an angel. Her smile, her dimples warms my heart, I had to, without rule, smile back at her smiling face.
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah...
OMG! Realization sunk in, I now had to send her a picture of my ugly mug. I felt deep inadequacy. I’m just an average guy, a geek even. This must have been what peasants felt in the Bible when they were in the presence of holy angels… unworthy. She was waiting, I had to reply, what picture could I send? None of my pictures are suitable enough… I just grabbed my LinkedIn picture, it doesn’t matter, just send it and wait for her disappointment voiced through her reply. I sent it and said
“I'm just a standard geek. Here is my ugly mug”
“You are totally NOT a geek!!! Handsome man for sure!!! I love your smile!!! :-) I don't understand how your wife isn't interested. Makes me so sad and angry as well…
I love your pic!!! Thanks for sharing!!!”
Then she asked me if I wanted to start texting instead of emails.
“It's just easier to chat if you want to! :-)”
Well your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew ya
She tied you to her kitchen chair
She broke your throne and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah...
We began messaging regularly as friends. We spoke more of our marriages and the problems within them and got to know each other better through our correspondence. We began to support each other and provide much needed electronic (HUGS) and understanding. Only those who have experienced this can truly relate and understand the despair, pain, and longing to speak openly about it. We shared stories about our spouses and how we have grown indifferent to them. We grew closer each day and soon it turned into more.
This is the most amazing woman I have ever met. I felt blessed to have had her affection from 1000 miles away. I felt a connection from that first picture she sent as if I knew her before in another time another place. She moved me, resurrected my soul, and breathed life into me. I knew I was deeper than her. She kept her heart at a protected safe distance. I knew I would have to risk opening myself up to possible great pain, but I had to meet her. I dropped to my knees and prayed; something I haven’t done in a very long time. Please Lord, if there is anyway, please I need to meet her.
We further talked and began to share more intimate parts of ourselves. She told me about her AP. I could see from the outside how he treated her very poorly. He was only interested in getting his needs met and it wasn’t about her at all. It was all about him and what he could do, anything to boost his own ego. But he found her when she needed the attention so desperately and any compliment, any appreciation felt like the highest praise. She deserved so much more, she deserved to be honored and dedicated to. She deserved to be given all for only her benefit. She should be loved, respected, and adored. She couldn’t see it, she couldn’t see how wrongly she was being treated. I had to show her. I wanted to show her how she should be loved. Please LORD, PLEASE let me go to her…
I don’t travel much, but I had a training conference coming in a few weeks, far away from her. “How?” “How can I get to her?” Everything fell into place perfectly like it was orchestrated and planned. I could leave a day early and not miss anything but a closing speech that I could watch online later. I could purchase plane tickets to her and spend a night without my wife knowing. It was if the stars aligned, but would she want me to come? I just needed her to tell me yes, come to me. I was ready to purchase the tickets and she had cold feet so I stopped. I would not push her. I let her know that if she told me to come, wild horses wouldn’t stop me, but I won’t come if she didn’t want me to. I wanted so desperately to meet her, just to be in her presence, to smell her perfume, to give her a much needed real (HUG).We had Skyped a few times and talked more and more. The Friday before the conference she told me “I want you to come. Come visit me.”
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah...
I booked the flights and hotel. I made up an excuse to leave early. No one else knew where I was going to be. It was a huge risk but I had to go! I was drawn irresistibly, as a moth to flame. I spent the week at conference distracted unable to focus on anything but going to her. Thursday morning finally came and I grabbed a cab to the airport. I was there hours ahead of the flight. I was not going to miss it for anything in the world. We texted back and forth with excitement and bewilderment that we were actually going to meet. I reflected back that I never thought it would happen, that I would never get the opportunity to meet her face to face. The flight time came and I stood in line to board. My heart pounded so hard in my chest! I was terrified and excited beyond words. This was going to change me. If I get on that plane, there is no going back to where I am. I handed the attendant my pass and boarded the plane. As it raced down the runway and I was pushed back into the seat, I smiled. It was if weights fell from my shoulders and the air passed through me removing years of burden. And then I was in the air and on my way to her.
I landed and grabbed a cab. I sent her a text letting her know I was there. She had to run some errands but would come pick me up for dinner later. I went to the hotel. I was extremely nervous that she would find me inadequate in person, that we would be anxious, or just not click. I paced in my room, I had to do something. I had brought my workout clothes and the hotel had a gym. So I went and ran a couple miles on a treadmill. It helped drain away the nervousness and calmed the heart. I showered and got ready for her. She sent a text, she was so excited and on her way to me. I went outside to wait for her. The hotel was on a hill. I stood at its front doors and noticed that next door there looked to be a grocery store. She was going to be there at any minute, but I promised her to show her how she should be treated, how she should be loved. I ran down the drive to the back of the store and then around to the front. I knew they had to have flowers. I knew she couldn’t keep them but she deserved them! I went inside and there were bouquets right at the front. OMG, what color? I searched them and choose a reddish pink with white. They weren’t the best, she deserved better, flowers from a florist, but this was all I could get in time. She sent me a text.
“Are you in your room? Should I come into the hotel?”
I replied “No, come next door to the grocery store.”
“WHAT?” “Why are you at the grocery store?”
I smiled to myself, hearing her voice. “I’ll be out in a minute. I’m standing in line.”
“Buying what?!”
“You’ll see.”
I walked out the front door with flowers in hand and scanned the parking lot for her. She saw me and pulled up to the front. I climbed in the passenger side and it was like meeting an old friend, it felt like coming home. There were no nerves, no hesitation, just Hallelujah! I handed her the flowers and she smiled a huge smile and shook her head at me.
“Flowers?” “You’re crazy!”
I smiled back and said “Yes, crazy for you.”
We leaned in and kissed. It was magical, perfect, spiritual… Her lips were perfect; It was a chemical reaction of elements that had been separated for ages and brought together to once again be whole. We separated slowly and she smiled another huge smile and shook her head again as she stared amazingly at me. She drove to the restaurant. We parked right in front of it and kissed again. We made out right there like teenagers with deep passionate, kisses.
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah...
We went in and had a great conversation over a wonderful Italian dinner. We spoke freely about our spouses, kids and family to the scandalous glances from those patrons sitting around us. We held hands and touched each other’s arms and legs. We kissed again. She couldn’t wait to finish dinner and get back to my hotel. As we walked out the front door I grabbed her glorious ass and she giggled. We got into her car and kissed again. I told her I knew she couldn’t keep the flowers, but she deserved them. She said she may just take them home anyway. She smiled again and gave me some mints then asked
“Ready to go back to the hotel?”
With a huge smile “Yes, I am.”
We held hands as we walked into the hotel and up the stairs to my room. We went into my room and made ourselves comfortable. She sat on the couch smiling up at me eagerly and I moved into and cupped her face in my hands and kissed her. We made out like long separated lovers, grabbing and holding each other close as our tongues and lips joined. . She was so happy, so eager, so excited to be with me her face glowed. We moved from the couch to the bed. We made love over and over and over again. It was the most amazing, mind-blowing, soul-connecting sex either of us ever experienced. This was something so much more than physical sex. Both of us have had sex with APs, but this wasn’t that. We went for hours, hard and sweating, soft and tender, it was a spiritual awakening, a soul filling connection. As we made love one more time that night, she suddenly looked me in the eyes and whispered ever so softly, “I love you.”. Without hesitation I gratefully released the words I had wanted to say but kept bottled inside, “I love you too.”. She froze. I was terrified she was going to bolt like a startled doe that matched her beautiful brown eyes. I anxiously asked “Did I ruin it?”. She looked at me with such love, compassion and admiration and said, “No, you didn’t ruin it.”. We held each other so tight and kissed, as our souls merged into one…
But remember when I moved in you
And the holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah...
We sat naked together just holding each other, sharing songs that had special meanings to us, talking, enjoying just being with each other. An intimacy neither of us have experienced at least in very long time. She had to leave, she had to go home to her family. She had wore lacey Victoria Secret panties just for me. In 20 years of marriage my wife never has wore lingerie. I asked if I could keep them, she smiled and said “Yes! As a souvenir.”. We dressed and I walked her to her car. We took a selfie and we looked so perfect together, like we were meant to be together. I kissed her as she sat in her car and reminded her of the flowers in the back seat. She waved goodbye as she backed up and drove off. I stood there watching her go down the drive and then pull out of sight. I paused and a bittersweet smile touched my lips. This was a night I will never forget, a memory that means as much to me as the birth of my kids. I walked back inside out of the cold and sat on the corner of the bed and waited for her to text me that she was home safe.
I sat at the airport texting her the next day. I admitted to her that I had kept something from her, because I didn’t want it to weigh on her. Today was my 21st wedding anniversary. My body once again physically shook as the plane boarded, how can I leave her? Will I ever see her again?!?! How can I go home to a sexless, intimacy less marriage after being baptized in the experience of her?! But I must. I have to go back for my children. I am changed though. I’m not the man who left just 5 days ago. I’m in love, real love…
And it's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah...
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah...
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
"Hallelujah"
Well, I heard there was a secret chord
That David played and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
Well it goes like this:
The fourth, the fifth, the minor fall and the major lift
The baffled KING composing Hallelujah
I met a woman online and we began conversing via messages. I told her my sexless marriage story and my back story, which I have written here as “My Story”. My story spoke to her heart, and she shared with me that she is also in a sexless marriage and gave me insight into her back story. She could feel my compassion and she heard my voice through my words.
We spoke more of our struggles, the pain and despair our sexless marriages bring us daily. We spoke of cancer and other health issues that brought to light just how precious every day is and how we feel it flying away from us. We became more open and disclosed our indiscretions and who we have confided in about our situations. She told me about her AP whom she met a couple of months before and how at times she struggles with it, but needs the intimacy and physical attention she has been denied for so long.
I felt her being through her words. I felt her joy, her pain, her enduring spirit and intrinsic warmth. I made an ass of myself in one of my messages to her. I drank too much and offered to reveal more of myself than just my compassion to her… (wince). I apologized the next day, and was sure that was going to end the budding friendship we were building. Instead, she LOL at me and compassionately joked she would like to see my face first and told me about her drunken texting misfortunes. Then she asked me a question:
“So, wanna see a pic of me??? (A head shot that is??) lol!!”
I quoted her some lines from Good Will Hunting and then replied:
“So you know, I was hoping for the full body shot, Thank you... but yeah I was kinda hoping for a face picture. :-)”
Then she changed my life forever… She sent me three selfies
She is the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen in my life!!! I was stunned, my heart quickened and it was hard to breathe. I was intensely angry that her husband had no desire for her. How could any man not want to dedicate himself to win her affection and love!!! Her pictures were like a siren song to my soul, enchanting my being irresistibly through space and time!!! Her hair has a natural curl that twirls and twists around her beautiful face. I wanted so desperately to cup her face in my hands and to kiss her full and luscious lips. I could see above her shirt’s U shaped neckline, lightly scattered freckles laid across her chest. My grandmother told me as child that freckles were beauty marks from God, before me I found was a picture of an angel. Her smile, her dimples warms my heart, I had to, without rule, smile back at her smiling face.
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah...
OMG! Realization sunk in, I now had to send her a picture of my ugly mug. I felt deep inadequacy. I’m just an average guy, a geek even. This must have been what peasants felt in the Bible when they were in the presence of holy angels… unworthy. She was waiting, I had to reply, what picture could I send? None of my pictures are suitable enough… I just grabbed my LinkedIn picture, it doesn’t matter, just send it and wait for her disappointment voiced through her reply. I sent it and said
“I'm just a standard geek. Here is my ugly mug”
“You are totally NOT a geek!!! Handsome man for sure!!! I love your smile!!! :-) I don't understand how your wife isn't interested. Makes me so sad and angry as well…
I love your pic!!! Thanks for sharing!!!”
Then she asked me if I wanted to start texting instead of emails.
“It's just easier to chat if you want to! :-)”
Well your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew ya
She tied you to her kitchen chair
She broke your throne and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah...
We began messaging regularly as friends. We spoke more of our marriages and the problems within them and got to know each other better through our correspondence. We began to support each other and provide much needed electronic (HUGS) and understanding. Only those who have experienced this can truly relate and understand the despair, pain, and longing to speak openly about it. We shared stories about our spouses and how we have grown indifferent to them. We grew closer each day and soon it turned into more.
This is the most amazing woman I have ever met. I felt blessed to have had her affection from 1000 miles away. I felt a connection from that first picture she sent as if I knew her before in another time another place. She moved me, resurrected my soul, and breathed life into me. I knew I was deeper than her. She kept her heart at a protected safe distance. I knew I would have to risk opening myself up to possible great pain, but I had to meet her. I dropped to my knees and prayed; something I haven’t done in a very long time. Please Lord, if there is anyway, please I need to meet her.
We further talked and began to share more intimate parts of ourselves. She told me about her AP. I could see from the outside how he treated her very poorly. He was only interested in getting his needs met and it wasn’t about her at all. It was all about him and what he could do, anything to boost his own ego. But he found her when she needed the attention so desperately and any compliment, any appreciation felt like the highest praise. She deserved so much more, she deserved to be honored and dedicated to. She deserved to be given all for only her benefit. She should be loved, respected, and adored. She couldn’t see it, she couldn’t see how wrongly she was being treated. I had to show her. I wanted to show her how she should be loved. Please LORD, PLEASE let me go to her…
I don’t travel much, but I had a training conference coming in a few weeks, far away from her. “How?” “How can I get to her?” Everything fell into place perfectly like it was orchestrated and planned. I could leave a day early and not miss anything but a closing speech that I could watch online later. I could purchase plane tickets to her and spend a night without my wife knowing. It was if the stars aligned, but would she want me to come? I just needed her to tell me yes, come to me. I was ready to purchase the tickets and she had cold feet so I stopped. I would not push her. I let her know that if she told me to come, wild horses wouldn’t stop me, but I won’t come if she didn’t want me to. I wanted so desperately to meet her, just to be in her presence, to smell her perfume, to give her a much needed real (HUG).We had Skyped a few times and talked more and more. The Friday before the conference she told me “I want you to come. Come visit me.”
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah...
I booked the flights and hotel. I made up an excuse to leave early. No one else knew where I was going to be. It was a huge risk but I had to go! I was drawn irresistibly, as a moth to flame. I spent the week at conference distracted unable to focus on anything but going to her. Thursday morning finally came and I grabbed a cab to the airport. I was there hours ahead of the flight. I was not going to miss it for anything in the world. We texted back and forth with excitement and bewilderment that we were actually going to meet. I reflected back that I never thought it would happen, that I would never get the opportunity to meet her face to face. The flight time came and I stood in line to board. My heart pounded so hard in my chest! I was terrified and excited beyond words. This was going to change me. If I get on that plane, there is no going back to where I am. I handed the attendant my pass and boarded the plane. As it raced down the runway and I was pushed back into the seat, I smiled. It was if weights fell from my shoulders and the air passed through me removing years of burden. And then I was in the air and on my way to her.
I landed and grabbed a cab. I sent her a text letting her know I was there. She had to run some errands but would come pick me up for dinner later. I went to the hotel. I was extremely nervous that she would find me inadequate in person, that we would be anxious, or just not click. I paced in my room, I had to do something. I had brought my workout clothes and the hotel had a gym. So I went and ran a couple miles on a treadmill. It helped drain away the nervousness and calmed the heart. I showered and got ready for her. She sent a text, she was so excited and on her way to me. I went outside to wait for her. The hotel was on a hill. I stood at its front doors and noticed that next door there looked to be a grocery store. She was going to be there at any minute, but I promised her to show her how she should be treated, how she should be loved. I ran down the drive to the back of the store and then around to the front. I knew they had to have flowers. I knew she couldn’t keep them but she deserved them! I went inside and there were bouquets right at the front. OMG, what color? I searched them and choose a reddish pink with white. They weren’t the best, she deserved better, flowers from a florist, but this was all I could get in time. She sent me a text.
“Are you in your room? Should I come into the hotel?”
I replied “No, come next door to the grocery store.”
“WHAT?” “Why are you at the grocery store?”
I smiled to myself, hearing her voice. “I’ll be out in a minute. I’m standing in line.”
“Buying what?!”
“You’ll see.”
I walked out the front door with flowers in hand and scanned the parking lot for her. She saw me and pulled up to the front. I climbed in the passenger side and it was like meeting an old friend, it felt like coming home. There were no nerves, no hesitation, just Hallelujah! I handed her the flowers and she smiled a huge smile and shook her head at me.
“Flowers?” “You’re crazy!”
I smiled back and said “Yes, crazy for you.”
We leaned in and kissed. It was magical, perfect, spiritual… Her lips were perfect; It was a chemical reaction of elements that had been separated for ages and brought together to once again be whole. We separated slowly and she smiled another huge smile and shook her head again as she stared amazingly at me. She drove to the restaurant. We parked right in front of it and kissed again. We made out right there like teenagers with deep passionate, kisses.
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah...
We went in and had a great conversation over a wonderful Italian dinner. We spoke freely about our spouses, kids and family to the scandalous glances from those patrons sitting around us. We held hands and touched each other’s arms and legs. We kissed again. She couldn’t wait to finish dinner and get back to my hotel. As we walked out the front door I grabbed her glorious ass and she giggled. We got into her car and kissed again. I told her I knew she couldn’t keep the flowers, but she deserved them. She said she may just take them home anyway. She smiled again and gave me some mints then asked
“Ready to go back to the hotel?”
With a huge smile “Yes, I am.”
We held hands as we walked into the hotel and up the stairs to my room. We went into my room and made ourselves comfortable. She sat on the couch smiling up at me eagerly and I moved into and cupped her face in my hands and kissed her. We made out like long separated lovers, grabbing and holding each other close as our tongues and lips joined. . She was so happy, so eager, so excited to be with me her face glowed. We moved from the couch to the bed. We made love over and over and over again. It was the most amazing, mind-blowing, soul-connecting sex either of us ever experienced. This was something so much more than physical sex. Both of us have had sex with APs, but this wasn’t that. We went for hours, hard and sweating, soft and tender, it was a spiritual awakening, a soul filling connection. As we made love one more time that night, she suddenly looked me in the eyes and whispered ever so softly, “I love you.”. Without hesitation I gratefully released the words I had wanted to say but kept bottled inside, “I love you too.”. She froze. I was terrified she was going to bolt like a startled doe that matched her beautiful brown eyes. I anxiously asked “Did I ruin it?”. She looked at me with such love, compassion and admiration and said, “No, you didn’t ruin it.”. We held each other so tight and kissed, as our souls merged into one…
But remember when I moved in you
And the holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah...
We sat naked together just holding each other, sharing songs that had special meanings to us, talking, enjoying just being with each other. An intimacy neither of us have experienced at least in very long time. She had to leave, she had to go home to her family. She had wore lacey Victoria Secret panties just for me. In 20 years of marriage my wife never has wore lingerie. I asked if I could keep them, she smiled and said “Yes! As a souvenir.”. We dressed and I walked her to her car. We took a selfie and we looked so perfect together, like we were meant to be together. I kissed her as she sat in her car and reminded her of the flowers in the back seat. She waved goodbye as she backed up and drove off. I stood there watching her go down the drive and then pull out of sight. I paused and a bittersweet smile touched my lips. This was a night I will never forget, a memory that means as much to me as the birth of my kids. I walked back inside out of the cold and sat on the corner of the bed and waited for her to text me that she was home safe.
I sat at the airport texting her the next day. I admitted to her that I had kept something from her, because I didn’t want it to weigh on her. Today was my 21st wedding anniversary. My body once again physically shook as the plane boarded, how can I leave her? Will I ever see her again?!?! How can I go home to a sexless, intimacy less marriage after being baptized in the experience of her?! But I must. I have to go back for my children. I am changed though. I’m not the man who left just 5 days ago. I’m in love, real love…
And it's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah...
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah...
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
