Sorry Sister
rhapsodee My post was set out on the matter of privacy, there was no intent to hijack the thread.
Anyway - the moral dilemma posed was a real one, and here is what I did (after agonising over it for days)
#1 - I did take a snoop at the papers relevant to my invalid S.I.L.'s financial affairs, and there WERE a couple of irregularities where some cash had been withdrawn. So that established that there WAS a problem. With the potential of greater problems in all sorts of directions ensuing. Such as, my invalid S.I.L. having her finances trashed, an ugly inter-family spat erupting, potential embezzlement issues and a major breach of trust.
#2 - I considered doing nothing and letting the cards fall where they may given that I was not personally involved. But I knew that if I said nothing, and things had turned to shit, it would have been very difficult to look my other S.I.L. (the in recovery after cancer one, and the co-holder of the power of attorney) in the eye and own up to the fact that I had known about the situation and said nothing.
#3 - I ended up choosing to call my S.I.L. and deliberately said enough (without throwing my missus directly under the bus) to get her thinking. I said words to the effect - "if you are jointly holding power of attorney for someone, it is incumbent on you to keep on top of the situation and ensure that everyone is doing the right thing". My S.I.L. is quite a smart person, and that was enough to get her attention.
So, in this moral dilemma, my judgement was that the security of my invalid S.I.L.'s finances, and the conjoining of my other S.I.L.'s involvement by being a co-holder of the P of A over-rode my Missus' right to privacy. So I felt "justified" in snooping.
And whereas I didn't directly throw her under the bus, you might say I nudged her in that direction.
That was my choice, and I owned it.
And, like all choices, consequences ensued.
My missus took a very grave view of me trampling over her right to privacy (but I think much of that was aggression to deflect the focus off her breach of both her Sisters trust)
My missus relationship with her Sisters took a MAJOR hit short term.
My missus relationship with me took another hit, to add to past hits (this lead to my infamous statement "I'm here for you until you sort your shit out" I have written about elsewhere in this group) and as it turned out there were some more hits to come.
Me ?
Well, I figured I had been presented with 2 pretty awful choices, and I chose the course that I believed at that time to be "the least worst option".
This was in about mid 2006 and as it turned out, there was more fun and games to go before 2009 (when I left)
Did I do "the right thing" ??
I dunno.
But my existing ILIASM deal was most certainly not enhanced by this episode.
And I do think that sometimes, someones right to privacy has to be over-ridden for the greater good.
Choice eh ??
What a bitch of a thing it is.
Addendum / Epilogue
My (former) S.I.L. survived her second cancer, and is today hale and hearty, and we have a great relationship, though I don't see her much.
My (former) invalid S.I.L. is well, still alive and financially comfortable.
My (former) Missus unfortunately died after heart surgery complications in 2015.
