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Post by Dan on Apr 25, 2017 8:05:50 GMT -5
I know this won't help many folks in "hardened" SMs... But if your calcification is not as advanced as most here; if you are a man and your wife is possibly amenable to some logical reasoning and actual medical advice about learning to want more sex, here you go, have her read this: Married Women Increase Libido by Having More Sex (UPDATED)Nothing fundamentally new here. But I actually like the tone of this article. It isn't your run-of-the-mill "bacon-scented candle" article. I guess because it is not aimed at the men saying "try to spice things up, she'll appreciate it". Rather, it is kinda aimed at the woman: "trust us: the more you do it, the more you'll want to do it, and that will be good for YOU and your marriage." At least, that's my reading of it. In the same vein: 7 Ways To Feel Like Having Sex Tonight----------------------- UPDATE: All of a sudden, I can't remember HOW I got to these pages. It is entirely possible that someone ELSE cited them in a different post, and that I clicked to open the tab, and I'm now just "finding" the tab days later! If so... please pardon my repost (and my "senior moment"!) |
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Post by Venus Erotes on Apr 25, 2017 9:35:45 GMT -5
I'm not reading them... Only because I'm at work right now! I have seen similar articles like this. There was a woman in the today show who said the same thing a few years ago. I think it brought on a new desire to try and have sex more with H, but it probably lead to a temporary increase in masturbation instead.
Here's something funny... I used to hide masturbating from my husband. After we started talking, I stopped hiding. He would walk in, apologize for interuppting, and leave. <<Eye roll >>
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Post by wewbwb on Apr 25, 2017 11:56:11 GMT -5
Venus Erotes It's a good article. The point that I related to was even if intercourse drops off for medical reasons intimacy doesn't have to.
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Post by Venus Erotes on Apr 25, 2017 17:45:20 GMT -5
I'll have to check it out. I'm currently enjoying some wine and dark chocolate! It should make for excellent accompaniment to reading  |
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Post by Venus Erotes on Apr 25, 2017 17:59:24 GMT -5
I know this won't help many folks in "hardened" SMs... But if your calcification is not as advanced as most here; if you are a man and your wife is possibly amenable to some logical reasoning and actual medical advice about learning to want more sex, here you go, have her read this: Married Women Increase Libido by Having More SexNothing fundamentally new here. But I actually like the tone of this article. It isn't your run-of-the-mill "bacon-scented candle" article. I guess because it is not aimed at the men saying "try to spice things up, she'll appreciate it". Rather, it is kinda aimed at the woman: "trust us: the more you do it, the more you'll want to do it, and that will be good for YOU and your marriage." At least, that's my reading of it. In the same vein: 7 Ways To Feel Like Having Sex Tonight----------------------- UPDATE: All of a sudden, I can't remember HOW I got to these pages. It is entirely possible that someone ELSE cited them in a different post, and that I clicked to open the tab, and I'm now just "finding" the tab days later! If so... please pardon my repost (and my "senior moment"!) Dan, the link is the same for both articles - it all lands on the same page. Great article though! I love Esther Perel and Michelle Weiner-Davis. I have a link to Michelle's Ted Talk on my website under free resources! |
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Post by Venus Erotes on Apr 25, 2017 18:03:02 GMT -5
Venus Erotes It's a good article. The point that I related to was even if intercourse drops off for medical reasons intimacy doesn't have to. So very, VERY true. What I learned on EP and it's a continuing theme - we are all looking for the exact same thing. CONNECTION, and from there comes intimacy and passion. If we can't connect, we'll never have intimacy. It took me 18 years to realize I was never once intimate with my husband - until I told him we weren't connecting. We have a verbal, loving connection, but it is not a romantic connection. Poor hubs is so fucked up. He's more like a robot in a relationship. He pecks me when he thinks he's supposed to. That's about it. |
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Post by Dan on Apr 25, 2017 20:58:40 GMT -5
Dan, the link is the same for both articles - it all lands on the same page. Great article though! I love Esther Perel and Michelle Weiner-Davis. I have a link to Michelle's Ted Talk on my website under free resources! Oops! Fixed. I actually included the link to the second article twice. I fixed the link to the first one (here and in the OP); I think it is even a bit better than the second. |
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Post by Venus Erotes on Apr 25, 2017 22:06:16 GMT -5
Thank you @dan! I read it - quickly. It's true and sex can be use it or lose it - and I have no desire to lose it!
When hubs and I were scheduling sex about once a week, he'd be over and done with in under 5 minutes. There was a point where I didn't cum for a year.
BF = he barely touches me and I'm moaning. AHHHHH!!!! Love it!
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Post by McRoomMate on Apr 26, 2017 14:08:10 GMT -5
And interestingly, the more women have sex, the easier it is to become aroused. The less often women have sex, the harder it is to become aroused. It’s not like if we deprive ourselves for a long time, that makes it even hotter. It’s actually the opposite. The less you do it, the less you want to do it. Your body just forgets about its sex drive.
This is EXACTLY what my W told me when we had our first argument about divorce.
Thank-you @dan for posting this. I read some of this before.
So here I go - I am "trudging" the path to recovery in our marriage by intimacy and sex. We will see if it works. My SM is not due so much to a frigid W but to life getting in the way and my impatience and libido being very strong.
We will see if this works. Right now I am just over an affair where I fell madly in love (first time in 15 years) and went crazy love over this new woman. BUT I have got to give this a try and see if we can have a COUPLE again.
Encouraging article - very encouraging. Knowledge is power indeed.
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Post by McRoomMate on Apr 26, 2017 14:12:58 GMT -5
Highlights from the 2nd article.
"DINS, as in "dual income, no sex." - Yep, that is what it was in a large part for my W (I like to think.
There's an opportunity here. Frequency of sex is intrinsically tied to happiness in a relationship. The National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago has consistently found that married couples between the ages of 30 and 59 who describe themselves as "very happy" have sex about 60% more often than those who describe their relationship as "not too happy." (That's 78 times a year versus 48.) "
"But does more sex lead to greater happiness or greater happiness to more sex?" asks Tom Smith, PhD, a senior fellow at NORC.
Evidence suggests that it works both ways. So to boost your health—and happiness!—here's how to get your groove back."
My three cents:
Holy Sh--t. This is EXACTLY the THEORY I am betting everything on. If my W and I can start having lots of intimacy and sex again - will that re-kindle our COUPLE and HAPPINESS. This is sort of a "fake it until you make it" approach. It is the last bullet I got. The last poker chip. If this don't work. Game-over.
I give us 3 to 6 months - if no results - I am bailing for good and my W said this is LAST chance.
Excellent share on the articles. Thank-you @dan ! ! !
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Post by Venus Erotes on Apr 26, 2017 16:43:27 GMT -5
Highlights from the 2nd article. "DINS, as in "dual income, no sex." - Yep, that is what it was in a large part for my W (I like to think. There's an opportunity here. Frequency of sex is intrinsically tied to happiness in a relationship. The National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago has consistently found that married couples between the ages of 30 and 59 who describe themselves as "very happy" have sex about 60% more often than those who describe their relationship as "not too happy." (That's 78 times a year versus 48.) " "But does more sex lead to greater happiness or greater happiness to more sex?" asks Tom Smith, PhD, a senior fellow at NORC. Evidence suggests that it works both ways. So to boost your health—and happiness!—here's how to get your groove back." My three cents: Holy Sh--t. This is EXACTLY the THEORY I am betting everything on. If my W and I can start having lots of intimacy and sex again - will that re-kindle our COUPLE and HAPPINESS. This is sort of a "fake it until you make it" approach. It is the last bullet I got. The last poker chip. If this don't work. Game-over. I give us 3 to 6 months - if no results - I am bailing for good and my W said this is LAST chance. Excellent share on the articles. Thank-you @dan ! ! ! I'm glad you put a time frame on it. You need to stick to it too. Get your exit plan in place and I'm sure you are hoping to never use it, but it's a good idea to have a plan in place and your ducks in a row. That was the hardest part for me. The only thing that's keeping me here are the kids, and hubs agreement to an open marriage. I get to date, have sex, give blow job, have orgasms, and as a result I've fallen in love <3 I am a lucky girl! |
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Post by McRoomMate on Apr 26, 2017 16:48:44 GMT -5
Highlights from the 2nd article. "DINS, as in "dual income, no sex." - Yep, that is what it was in a large part for my W (I like to think. There's an opportunity here. Frequency of sex is intrinsically tied to happiness in a relationship. The National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago has consistently found that married couples between the ages of 30 and 59 who describe themselves as "very happy" have sex about 60% more often than those who describe their relationship as "not too happy." (That's 78 times a year versus 48.) " "But does more sex lead to greater happiness or greater happiness to more sex?" asks Tom Smith, PhD, a senior fellow at NORC. Evidence suggests that it works both ways. So to boost your health—and happiness!—here's how to get your groove back." My three cents: Holy Sh--t. This is EXACTLY the THEORY I am betting everything on. If my W and I can start having lots of intimacy and sex again - will that re-kindle our COUPLE and HAPPINESS. This is sort of a "fake it until you make it" approach. It is the last bullet I got. The last poker chip. If this don't work. Game-over. I give us 3 to 6 months - if no results - I am bailing for good and my W said this is LAST chance. Excellent share on the articles. Thank-you @dan ! ! ! I'm glad you put a time frame on it. You need to stick to it too. Get your exit plan in place and I'm sure you are hoping to never use it, but it's a good idea to have a plan in place and your ducks in a row. That was the hardest part for me. The only thing that's keeping me here are the kids, and hubs agreement to an open marriage. I get to date, have sex, give blow job, have orgasms, and as a result I've fallen in love <3 I am a lucky girl! Thank-you Venus Erotes Actually this is the complexity - I was just thinking to outsource but AP and I fell "MADLY IN LOVE" and it has been overwhelmingly intense. I moved out about 10 miles and have an apartment already. I already exercised my exit plan but the GUILT and PAIN of being separated from kids kicked in and then I realized did I really do ENOUGH and EXHAUST all possibilities to save our marriage or see if we could have a NEW COUPLE HAPPY and LOVING? So that is what this is about. The Final Try. How can you have "Fallen in Love" and still be with your Husband? Are you "Polyamorous" (sp? it means you love or can be "in love" with more than one person at the same time)? Other? Falling in love can be a mad exhilerating experience? You fell madly in love and stayed with your H too? Do you and your H still have sex or intimacy? Does he know you fell in love with another man? Wow. I could not imagine that - but I am all ears to listen and learn? |
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Post by Venus Erotes on Apr 26, 2017 16:54:59 GMT -5
Hubs and I are roommates. He's a wonderful friend and father, but I have zero attraction to him. He knows about bf, and he knows we've been together a long time. Over 18 months. I don't know if bf is the one for the rest of my life, but he's a wonderful man, stuck in a miserable existence.
Are you talking to a therapist? Do you talk to the kids every day?
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Post by lwoetin on Apr 26, 2017 23:34:40 GMT -5
I know this won't help many folks in "hardened" SMs... But if your calcification is not as advanced as most here; if you are a man and your wife is possibly amenable to some logical reasoning and actual medical advice about learning to want more sex, here you go, have her read this: Married Women Increase Libido by Having More Sex (UPDATED)The problem with the article is it has no support for its claim. It will actually increase her anger instead of her libido by having more sex. In SM, sexual desire rapidly vanishes as a function of frequency: S(f)=[2hf^3/c^2]/[exp(hf/kT) - 1]. That's my experience. |
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Post by Venus Erotes on Apr 27, 2017 17:53:33 GMT -5
I know this won't help many folks in "hardened" SMs... But if your calcification is not as advanced as most here; if you are a man and your wife is possibly amenable to some logical reasoning and actual medical advice about learning to want more sex, here you go, have her read this: Married Women Increase Libido by Having More Sex (UPDATED)The problem with the article is it has no support for its claim. It will actually increase her anger instead of her libido by having more sex. In SM, sexual desire rapidly vanishes as a function of frequency: S(f)=[2hf^3/c^2]/[exp(hf/kT) - 1]. That's my experience. |
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