|
Post by greatcoastal on Apr 20, 2017 11:32:25 GMT -5
I over heard my 17 yr old son sharing a funny line off his phone with his 18 yr old brother. "It's about fathers approval. What is more important to you. chicken strips, pancakes, or your fathers approval? 44% said chicken strips! LOL!!"
It's knowing and hearing stuff like that, that makes me question why I am so concerned about "hurting my sons feelings, or damaging them with discussing divorce, and separate households?"
That, and enforcing strict household rules to stop the laziness that continues in our household.
|
|
|
Post by shamwow on Apr 21, 2017 6:25:08 GMT -5
I over heard my 17 yr old son sharing a funny line off his phone with his 18 yr old brother. "It's about fathers approval. What is more important to you. chicken strips, pancakes, or your fathers approval? 44% said chicken strips! LOL!!" It's knowing and hearing stuff like that, that makes me question why I am so concerned about "hurting my sons feelings, or damaging them with discussing divorce, and separate households?" That, and enforcing strict household rules to stop the laziness that continues in our household. Because your son's approval ranks more than 44 percent on your level of importance. It's called being a good dad and it sounds like you are one.
|
|
|
Post by greatcoastal on Apr 21, 2017 6:48:05 GMT -5
I over heard my 17 yr old son sharing a funny line off his phone with his 18 yr old brother. "It's about fathers approval. What is more important to you. chicken strips, pancakes, or your fathers approval? 44% said chicken strips! LOL!!" It's knowing and hearing stuff like that, that makes me question why I am so concerned about "hurting my sons feelings, or damaging them with discussing divorce, and separate households?" That, and enforcing strict household rules to stop the laziness that continues in our household. Because your son's approval ranks more than 44 percent on your level of importance. It's called being a good dad and it sounds like you are one. Thanks for that! I thought I was, and I continue to think I am a good dad. Call me "an old fart", but they sounded in total agreement to that joke. My oldest son needs a drill sergeant. Someone who is not concerned about "approval". My stbx has stood in the way of that for years. I am forced to give in to letting that be her problem in the years to come. Just passing along the mentality of a lazy, irresponsible 18 yr old. Consequences that I wanted him to learn from years ago, where not allowed to happen. Reality is coming to breakfast. So much for, "don't involve the children".
|
|
|
Post by shamwow on Apr 21, 2017 7:41:42 GMT -5
Because your son's approval ranks more than 44 percent on your level of importance. It's called being a good dad and it sounds like you are one. Thanks for that! I thought I was, and I continue to think I am a good dad. Call me "an old fart", but they sounded in total agreement to that joke. My oldest son needs a drill sergeant. Someone who is not concerned about "approval". My stbx has stood in the way of that for years. I am forced to give in to letting that be her problem in the years to come. Just passing along the mentality of a lazy, irresponsible 18 yr old. Consequences that I wanted him to learn from years ago, where not aloud to happen. Reality is coming to breakfast. So much for, "don't involve the children". I'm not sure that my kids need a drill sergeant, but they do need more discipline (pretty sure most teens do). As soon as my divorce is done and the kids will be spending a large chunk of their time exclusively with me, I plan on teaching them many things that my wife insisted they could not or should not have to do. Whether they do it at her place is up to her and them, but I will ensure that once the get "into the wild" they will have the skills and skinned knees needed to survive and thrive. I guess it is a positive side effect of the divorce and another example of why "staying together for the kids" isn't always the right path.
|
|
|
Post by bballgirl on Apr 21, 2017 7:53:09 GMT -5
Thanks for that! I thought I was, and I continue to think I am a good dad. Call me "an old fart", but they sounded in total agreement to that joke. My oldest son needs a drill sergeant. Someone who is not concerned about "approval". My stbx has stood in the way of that for years. I am forced to give in to letting that be her problem in the years to come. Just passing along the mentality of a lazy, irresponsible 18 yr old. Consequences that I wanted him to learn from years ago, where not aloud to happen. Reality is coming to breakfast. So much for, "don't involve the children". I'm not sure that my kids need a drill sergeant, but they do need more discipline (pretty sure most teens do). As soon as my divorce is done and the kids will be spending a large chunk of their time exclusively with me, I plan on teaching them many things that my wife insisted they could not or should not have to do. Whether they do it at her place is up to her and them, but I will ensure that once the get "into the wild" they will have the skills and skinned knees needed to survive and thrive. I guess it is a positive side effect of the divorce and another example of why "staying together for the kids" isn't always the right path. Yes my divorce has allowed the kids more time, freedom, and flexibility to just be kids and not do baseball every weekend. Once a month I tell my ex that we have plans and my son is not available so that he has balance in his life. My ex still coaches. Zero balance but that's his problem.
|
|
|
Post by shamwow on Apr 21, 2017 8:17:36 GMT -5
I'm not sure that my kids need a drill sergeant, but they do need more discipline (pretty sure most teens do). As soon as my divorce is done and the kids will be spending a large chunk of their time exclusively with me, I plan on teaching them many things that my wife insisted they could not or should not have to do. Whether they do it at her place is up to her and them, but I will ensure that once the get "into the wild" they will have the skills and skinned knees needed to survive and thrive. I guess it is a positive side effect of the divorce and another example of why "staying together for the kids" isn't always the right path. Yes my divorce has allowed the kids more time, freedom, and flexibility to just be kids and not do baseball every weekend. Once a month I tell my ex that we have plans and my son is not available so that he has balance in his life. My ex still coaches. Zero balance but that's his problem. Yup. Kids need to be kids. They also need to learn to be adults. When the kids are at my place, they won't be allowed to just eat food and leave the plate in the living room or just dump their clothes to be "magically" washed. My daughter is 2 years out from probably being on her own and has no idea in the slightest how to wash or fold a load of towels. I am perfectly capable of doing the house work myself (I already do at least half of it even though my wife is a SAHM). That isn't the point. The point is that my kids need to learn to pick up after themselves. Not talking dusting with white glove treatment. That isn't my style either. But Mom has let things slide with them multiple times where I had to go and kill over 400 flies in my daughter's room (not counting the rest of the house). That is just fucking disgusting (and unhealthy). If she wants to let that kind of thing fly in her house that's cool, but I will teach the kids that normal human beings don't live that way. We will also have FUN more. My wife thinks that quality time with the kids involves driving them around and when there getting on Facebook, Pintrist, or whatever other crap is on her phone. To me, if we take the kids to a water park or trampoline place or mini golf, or bowling, I want to play too. We have started the slow packing of the house getting ready to sell it. The only two things that I have said I wanted are refrigerator magnets from all the places that just I and the kids have been to without her (about half of them) and bottles of sand and dirt from places we have been to (we collect a bottle when we go on trips). I'll give her some of the sand from the bottles we have been on trips together on. Life is supposed to be FUN! But the kids need to learn a bit of discipline too. It remains to be seen how unbalanced our two households will be in this regard.
|
|
|
Post by bballgirl on Apr 21, 2017 8:37:15 GMT -5
Yes my divorce has allowed the kids more time, freedom, and flexibility to just be kids and not do baseball every weekend. Once a month I tell my ex that we have plans and my son is not available so that he has balance in his life. My ex still coaches. Zero balance but that's his problem. Yup. Kids need to be kids. They also need to learn to be adults. When the kids are at my place, they won't be allowed to just eat food and leave the plate in the living room or just dump their clothes to be "magically" washed. My daughter is 2 years out from probably being on her own and has no idea in the slightest how to wash or fold a load of towels. I am perfectly capable of doing the house work myself (I already do at least half of it even though my wife is a SAHM). That isn't the point. The point is that my kids need to learn to pick up after themselves. Not talking dusting with white glove treatment. That isn't my style either. But Mom has let things slide with them multiple times where I had to go and kill over 400 flies in my daughter's room (not counting the rest of the house). That is just fucking disgusting (and unhealthy). If she wants to let that kind of thing fly in her house that's cool, but I will teach the kids that normal human beings don't live that way. We will also have FUN more. My wife thinks that quality time with the kids involves driving them around and when there getting on Facebook, Pintrist, or whatever other crap is on her phone. To me, if we take the kids to a water park or trampoline place or mini golf, or bowling, I want to play too. We have started the slow packing of the house getting ready to sell it. The only two things that I have said I wanted are refrigerator magnets from all the places that just I and the kids have been to without her (about half of them) and bottles of sand and dirt from places we have been to (we collect a bottle when we go on trips). I'll give her some of the sand from the bottles we have been on trips together on. Life is supposed to be FUN! But the kids need to learn a bit of discipline too. It remains to be seen how unbalanced our two households will be in this regard. I agree 100%. My kids pick up after themselves, and know there are no free rides. I let them know when I will be washing and they know to hustle up and get their clothes in or else they can wear dirty clothes as far as I'm concerned. Life isn't easy we do not do our kids a favor by coddling them. I let mine know that I'm only obligated to them for food and shelter and love anything else has to be earned. As well making fun memories is priceless. As soon as school is out we are going on vacation to TN. then the beach. Their dad would have never been interested if it didn't involve a baseball field or a casino. Life is better for everyone now! Your time will come soon!
|
|
|
Post by greatcoastal on Apr 21, 2017 11:38:43 GMT -5
Yes my divorce has allowed the kids more time, freedom, and flexibility to just be kids and not do baseball every weekend. Once a month I tell my ex that we have plans and my son is not available so that he has balance in his life. My ex still coaches. Zero balance but that's his problem. Yup. Kids need to be kids. They also need to learn to be adults. When the kids are at my place, they won't be allowed to just eat food and leave the plate in the living room or just dump their clothes to be "magically" washed. My daughter is 2 years out from probably being on her own and has no idea in the slightest how to wash or fold a load of towels. I am perfectly capable of doing the house work myself (I already do at least half of it even though my wife is a SAHM). That isn't the point. The point is that my kids need to learn to pick up after themselves. Not talking dusting with white glove treatment. That isn't my style either. But Mom has let things slide with them multiple times where I had to go and kill over 400 flies in my daughter's room (not counting the rest of the house). That is just fucking disgusting (and unhealthy). If she wants to let that kind of thing fly in her house that's cool, but I will teach the kids that normal human beings don't live that way. We will also have FUN more. My wife thinks that quality time with the kids involves driving them around and when there getting on Facebook, Pintrist, or whatever other crap is on her phone. To me, if we take the kids to a water park or trampoline place or mini golf, or bowling, I want to play too. We have started the slow packing of the house getting ready to sell it. The only two things that I have said I wanted are refrigerator magnets from all the places that just I and the kids have been to without her (about half of them) and bottles of sand and dirt from places we have been to (we collect a bottle when we go on trips). I'll give her some of the sand from the bottles we have been on trips together on. Life is supposed to be FUN! But the kids need to learn a bit of discipline too. It remains to be seen how unbalanced our two households will be in this regard. "Letting things slide with them multiple times". Man, oh man, I could give you a list!!Don't dare confront it though. You'll get a DARVO pulled on you! Three of the 5 kids that will remain living with me really get it! They are actually looking forward to having a cleaner straighter house. They are not the problem. The w, FIL, and the oldest, especially the oldest will be no longer part of the household. (this is for another thread,another time) My older son will be told, "you need to decide who you want to stay with. At my house you will have to abide by my rules. Their are things that I will not tolerate." He's going to take the easy way out and stay with his mom. (advice and predictions from my therapist) There's a lot of resentment of the double standards, and what he gets away with. The oldest! What kind of precedent does that set? It's really, really, hard on me, emotionally. Especially seeing older pictures of the young man I had, I was raising, I used to know. Homeschool F'd up a lot of that. I digress. Life is supposed to be FUN. Totally. So many things got cancelled in the name of ,budget, adoption, homeschool, and my W's laziness. The two households may be unbalanced. I have big hopes for more Fun activities, trips, food, friends over, cars, conversations, discipline, respect, communication, all those things, at my household. Let the healing begin.
|
|