|
|
Post by shamwow on Apr 18, 2017 15:18:49 GMT -5
So far, my divorce is proceeding smoothly and amicably. Early on, I told my wife that wanted to get a vasectomy. No real objection at the time.
I went for my consultation yesterday. Everything normal except for a horrifying moment when the nurse handed me a cup and I stuttered "with, uh, urine, right?" I honestly thought they were asking me for a "sample" since that is what I was there for...lol.
So we are in the process of getting the house ready for sale. My STBX asked me yesterday not to have any procedure done until the house is ready for showing (about a month from now). In my mind, that is a reasonable request. We have a LOT of work to do, and it isn't really fair for me to be lying on the couch for a weekend while she does house prep work.
Today, she told me that she really doesn't want me to have it done while we are married and living together (probably July). Again, I can see her perspective, but I AM divorcing her. I don't want to hurt her, but her concerns / feelings are not my highest priority anymore. I informed her that I have gone years without, and don't plan on waiting very long before dating (she said it had only been months, and that's true but only if you count months by the dozen). I don't want any more kids, so am doing this smart. She thought I wanted it so that she couldn't try to get pregnant and "keep" me that way. I actually kind of chuckled inside. We haven't hugged, kissed, cuddled, or certainly had sex in any romantic way in several years. Since she had given birth to two children, I didn't think I really need to explain to her how babies are made.
Look, I want this done sooner rather than later because I've finally worked up the nerve. Also, it takes 90 days to be sterile, and I do NOT want any more kids (I love the ones I have already plenty). But honestly, I am having second thoughts about doing it as soon as possible. The reason is because I'll have to explain to my kids why I'm on the couch with a bag of ice on my balls for 3 days. It sends the message I don't want kids (maybe that I didn't want them?) and also that I plan on being sexually active as soon as the divorce is final. Granted, I do, but don't want to give my teenage kids that impression.
So, in the end, who owns my balls? My STBX, my kids, or me?
|
|
|
|
Post by Dan on Apr 18, 2017 15:43:27 GMT -5
Fair enough to wait at least until the "heaving lifting" (literally) of house prep is done.
The kids don't need to know the details. Make up an excuse: "lifted too much; pulled something."
I think three-days is the outer limit of what you can expect; modern techniques are pretty low pain/complications, I think. (Do it on a Monday and take three sick days off work, even if you are up and running the day after...)
All that said, if you decide to wait AND start dating AND get in to a sexual encounter before the procedure or before 90 days is up... just wear a cover. Most women you are just getting to know will probably want/expect it anyways: even a guy with a vasectomy can spread/catch STDs; be safe out there.
|
|
|
|
Post by shamwow on Apr 18, 2017 15:51:17 GMT -5
Fair enough to wait at least until the "heaving lifting" (literally) of house prep is done. The kids don't need to know the details. Make up an excuse: "lifted too much; pulled something." I think three-days is the outer limit of what you can expect; modern techniques are pretty low pain/complications, I think. (Do it on a Monday and take three sick days off work, even if you are up and running the day after...) All that said, if you decide to wait AND start dating AND get in to a sexual encounter before the procedure or before 90 days is up... just wear a cover. Most women you are just getting to know will probably want/expect it anyways: even a guy with a vasectomy can spread/catch STDs; be safe out there. Sorry, should have posted that it goes without saying that I will be having safe sex. However, if I had a dollar for everyone I know who had a "cover malfunction" I'd be a rich man. I just want to be damn sure about the swimmers not swimming. |
|
|
|
Post by bballgirl on Apr 18, 2017 15:58:54 GMT -5
I agree with waiting until house repairs are finished but I think you should have that procedure taken care of ASAP
The kids tell them you pulled something.
Your STBX tell her it's your dick and she was never interested in it before so she doesn't get a say now.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 18, 2017 16:43:26 GMT -5
I don't think you should give a shit what your W says, but your kids are another matter. They will want to know why you are on the couch with an ice pack on your crotch all weekend. I don't think they need to know that you are having a vasectomy. It could embarrass them and make them think less of you.
Just my opinion.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 18, 2017 16:46:04 GMT -5
What the hell has this to with your wife, why have you even talked to her about it. It's none of her business but the fact you are still jumping through her hoops shows how unprepared you are for your incoming life
|
|
|
|
Post by hopingforachange on Apr 18, 2017 17:07:35 GMT -5
Tell the teenager, now that you are getting a divorce you took your balls out of the wife's nightstand and got them reattached.
|
|
|
|
Post by lyn on Apr 18, 2017 18:16:30 GMT -5
Tell the teenager, now that you are getting a divorce you took your balls out of the wife's nightstand and got them reattached. Hahaha this is awesome hopingforachange. Figuratively speaking, this is kind of what you're doing shamwow. Honestly, if I were in your shoes, I'd do it as soon as the house is ready to go on the market. This is your decision, not your stbx, imo. It's not going to scar the kids if you're on the couch with an ice pack on the little-shams for a few days. Life happens, people get injured (bjj, tripping over your dog, whatever), so you will have an "injury" for a few days, big deal. The time to take back your balls is NOW! In any case, good luck 😉 |
|
|
|
Post by baza on Apr 18, 2017 18:48:06 GMT -5
If your prime reasoning for having this procedure is as an enhancement to your sex life post ILIASM shithole, you might be in for a big disappointment.
It's rather difficult to see having this procedure will make you any more desirable out in the dating world (to be fair, it wouldn't make you any less desirable either - unless you hooked up with someone actually wanting to breed)
But, as ever, *your* choice what you do.
It is *you* who will provide the answer to the poll question, by what you now do.
|
|
|
|
Post by hopingforachange on Apr 18, 2017 20:04:56 GMT -5
I don't know if you have had the sex conversation with your teenager, but this surgery would make it a good time to bring it up. And drive home to point of getting to know someone before getting married/having kids, that way they will not have to go thru a divorce.
In about 5 years, I think I will be getting snipped as well. Right now I am 99% certain that I don't want any more kids but it could also be with this W I don't want anymore kids. It is hard to tell. But my person cut off to have kids its age 40. Maybe get snipped at 39 and have the zero score be my Bday present.
|
|
|
|
Post by GeekGoddess on Apr 18, 2017 22:39:49 GMT -5
shamwow - you own your balls. I like the input from others in what to tell the kids. On the house: yes, I'd wait for the procedure until you're done with heavier repairs or work. But not b/c W asked. Rather, b/c it will benefit YOU to have the house show well. It will speed the time to sale. It's in YOUR interest. So be it that happens to coincide with something that's good for W, also. But her preference should truly be an afterthought (like your balls were to her for however many months, moons, or monsoon seasons that's been true) You will need to get used to thinking this way. What she wants of you, from you - she is the one who made that "regard" disappear. Not solely, I get that. But now - you need to become your own first priority (w/ major consideration for the kids as priority 2). It won't be that many years until it's totally age-appropriate to tell your son what getting snipped was like. He probably doesn't need to know right now. And it also isn't the end of the world if he figures out that's why you lay around one weekend. Dad getting snipped is just terribly unlikely to rock their world. Not after the divorce news & plans for moving. Your balls are a side issue to everyone else in the house. But YOU should care about/for them in whatever manner you think is best FOR YOU.
|
|
|
|
Post by JMX on Apr 18, 2017 22:47:38 GMT -5
Lord. She has no say in your sex life anymore. She didn't want and (presumably) doesn't want another kid with you. She would have roped you in further if she experienced the druthers.
Why is not having your vasectomy a "reasonable" request?
TBH - I want a vasectomy for my husband whether I am with him or not. If we stick - no more babies! If not, better to not have to divide child support with some random chick's new baby.
My best friend's dad remarried after her mother freaked the fuck out and dumped him. He cried for days, and then - married a 35 year old. She would have died had he had another at 55. She did not want a sibling 25 years younger than herself. Your kids don't want that ether - even if the age difference isn't that bad.
A vasectomy does everyone a favor.
Explain the logic to your wife - as a gift to her and HER children.
|
|
|
|
Post by unmatched on Apr 19, 2017 0:41:27 GMT -5
I had one a year or two ago and it wasn't a huge deal. The day of the procedure it was sore (but not agony). The next day I was a little tender but working at my desk quite happily. You probably wouldn't want to be building or splitting logs though. I don't know what you do but if you have a desk job you could take a day off early in the week and then go to work the day after, and by the time the weekend rolls around you will be in good shape.
Ask her again why she doesn't want you to do it. Aside from not wanting to be reminded that you are a sexual person and that you might be leaving her for a reason, obviously...
|
|
|
|
Post by greatcoastal on Apr 19, 2017 7:34:30 GMT -5
Your kids have a life. Sports, homework, friends, texting, video games,etc... If you had to be on the couch for any other reason,(sprained ankle, kidney stones, etc...) it would not matter. Give your son a half truth answer. No need for details.
In my late teens and early twenties my dad had 13 angioplasty's ,and three triple bypasses. It almost became routine. I didn't fully understand it all then. I didn't need to.
Perhaps you should do it now, while it is still (our money) not your money?
Your stbx's actions smell of manipulation and control. Start acting single again. My crystal ball is broken, I'm glad hers is working! Your house could sell in a day, or it could take months. Deals fall through, inspections, loan approvals, etc... then there's how smoothly the divorce goes.
One things a fact. Right now it's still (our money). Money. Something I am very aware of during a divorce. Can't you tell?
|
|
|
|
Post by greatcoastal on Apr 19, 2017 9:39:11 GMT -5
Let me be blunt.
It's back to money.
You want to do something for yourself, your future, your health, your joy. (also with our money, our time, time is money) Stbx, thinks that will cut into her portion of the money. That's the slightest threat to her plan on getting as much equity from the sale of the house.
Be thankful for another layer of the onion coming off. Thankful for seeing,"It's all about her. This is what she calls compromise, negotiating? There's zero compromise on her part. Yup, this is why I am getting out of here!"
Just like the SM. My wants, needs, concerns, desires, mean nothing. All about keeping me available to be a good servant.
Make this decision on your own. The most she might need to know is that "I wont be available to drive my son for a day or two, you will have to take him." End of discussion. Like the end of sex and intimacy of the marriage.
Dwell,and hope. Hope for the future when that special someone is more than willing to listen, understand, compromise, and respect your opinion, choices , and actions.
|
|
