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Post by Rhapsodee on Apr 14, 2017 10:58:31 GMT -5
I have a personal policy with my family. Anything anyone tells me stays with me. I don't repeat anything they say or tell of anything they do. I've never told them that I have this policy but they seem to sense it. I guess because I never talk about anyone else.
The only person that has a problem with me and treats me with distrust is my deceased brother's widow. She is a beautiful Latino woman and I love her like a sister. For some reason, she cut all ties with me and will not communicate with me. I'm really hurt. I do not understand. I have to consider that she does this to her own daughters. I don't ask why they are on the outs with their mother. I just talk to them about general things and ask how their mother is and send my love. There is no solution other than to wait it out. I just needed to vent.
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Post by WindSister on Apr 14, 2017 11:14:20 GMT -5
I have a personal policy with my family. Anything anyone tells me stays with me. I don't repeat anything they say or tell of anything they do. I've never told them that I have this policy but they seem to sense it. I guess because I never talk about anyone else. The only person that has a problem with me and treats me with distrust is my deceased brother's widow. She is a beautiful Latino woman and I love her like a sister. For some reason, she cut all ties with me and will not communicate with me. I'm really hurt. I do not understand. I have to consider that she does this to her own daughters. I don't ask why they are on the outs with their mother. I just talk to them about general things and ask how their mother is and send my love. There is no solution other than to wait it out. I just needed to vent. Are you sure it's distrust she is treating you with? Or is it some form of grieving for her? Sorry about the loss of your brother. |
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Post by Rhapsodee on Apr 14, 2017 11:17:52 GMT -5
WindSister. My brother has been gone for nearly 10 years. She hasn't remarried.
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Post by bballgirl on Apr 14, 2017 13:31:28 GMT -5
I would not take it personally. It sounds like she is very introverted or has issues. Even with her own children she's not communicating so something is off there.
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Post by baza on Apr 15, 2017 2:03:15 GMT -5
Your policy of extending the hand of friendship and leaving it up to her to either accept or reject it is pretty sound.
In these dynamics, you control only whether you offer the hand of friendship or not, and you have chosen to do that.
She controls only whether she accepts your offer or not, and has chosen "not".
You own your choice to offer the hand of friendship.
She owns her choice to reject it.
It's not necessarily personal, it's just "choice" in action.
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Post by petrushka on Apr 15, 2017 7:48:31 GMT -5
Rhapsodee You are right, there is no other solution other than to wait. All you can do is reach out. Once, twice, three times and somewhere you have to ask yourself if you're being a nuisance or just not welcome. I deciced at one point in my life that it's just not worth running around after people who rebuff me or dodge me or don't make an effort in return - after a few tries. Sad to hear your story. One of my gurus is Fritz Perls. 
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Post by wewbwb on Apr 15, 2017 10:00:54 GMT -5
rhapsodeeI just had issues with the "dynamics" of my family. I can understand why you would be hurt. I respect your discretion and admire how you don't "push the issues". It seems that some families, or "family friends" cannot respect boundaries. Or think that the term "family" somehow negates them. I personally had to remind someone that term "family member" is different from "I actually like you." The word "fuck" was used liberally as I did. ZFG. If she doesn't have time for you, don't give her time in your head. Sometimes not having people talk to you, is a great blessing. It seems to me, that you are wondering if there is a simple miscommunication, that can be cleared up and you can have a healthy relationship with her. All I can say is this: Someone who doesn't want to be in my life, I wouldn't want them to. Sometimes people have good reasons to be mad at us,and I may never know what that is.
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Post by Rhapsodee on Apr 15, 2017 10:02:19 GMT -5
Thank you petrushka. I really miss her. When I was in town we would hang out together and go to yoga classes. We always had fun. We laugh at the same things. We both miss my brother. |
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