Post by WindSister on Apr 11, 2017 14:43:06 GMT -5
Okay, so maybe there is some room for the "scientific approach" to love as worksforme2 was sharing his friend was exploring in another thread.
It's kind of fluffy, but I think it hits some important key points. I will share the first.
markmanson.net/love?utm_source=facebook&utm_campaign=social-posts&utm_medium=social&utm_content=2017-04-13
I question if it's actually "falling in love" though, in that circumstance when two are not really compatible, or if it's really just falling in love with the IDEA of falling in love. Because people KNOW when they are incompatible, don't they? They just don't admit it because being truthful about it and admitting it means failure. I think I was guilty of that in my first marriage: in love with the idea of a husband and a house and yada, yada. I had no idea what it takes to actually make a relationship functional plus, we were totally incompatible AND I knew it. Yet, I married him (and I am admitting this out loud). Perplexing. Honestly, I wasn't even able to shout from the rooftops, "I am so in love!!!" with him. It's just something we did (marriage). I wasn't even enthusiastic about my own damn wedding, didn't care about colors or decorations. Zombie -- that's why I say I was in a zombie state of existence. Going through the motions not even sure what the hell I was doing.
Now it's just all different. Mutual Respect, appreciation, shared interests, shared JOY (a BIGGIE for me), similar affectionate needs (both of us need a lot of affection, some would call us clingy), similar wants and interests on a day off (we like to be active, where my ex liked to sit and do, in his words, "nothing.") Yeah, compatibility is huge and love is not enough if we aren't compatible with our mates.
I could go on and on but have many reports. Hope you enjoy, or find the article helpful, or it sparks something if something needs to be sparked. If not, that's cool too. Just passing it along!
It's kind of fluffy, but I think it hits some important key points. I will share the first.
markmanson.net/love?utm_source=facebook&utm_campaign=social-posts&utm_medium=social&utm_content=2017-04-13
1. Love does not equal compatibility. Just because you fall in love with someone doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a good partner for you to be with over the long term. Love is an emotional process; compatibility is a logical process. And the two don’t bleed into one another very well.
It’s possible to fall in love with somebody who doesn’t treat us well, who makes us feel worse about ourselves, who doesn’t hold the same respect for us as we do for them, or who has such a dysfunctional life themselves that they threaten to bring us down with them.
It’s possible to fall in love with somebody who doesn’t treat us well, who makes us feel worse about ourselves, who doesn’t hold the same respect for us as we do for them, or who has such a dysfunctional life themselves that they threaten to bring us down with them.
I question if it's actually "falling in love" though, in that circumstance when two are not really compatible, or if it's really just falling in love with the IDEA of falling in love. Because people KNOW when they are incompatible, don't they? They just don't admit it because being truthful about it and admitting it means failure. I think I was guilty of that in my first marriage: in love with the idea of a husband and a house and yada, yada. I had no idea what it takes to actually make a relationship functional plus, we were totally incompatible AND I knew it. Yet, I married him (and I am admitting this out loud). Perplexing. Honestly, I wasn't even able to shout from the rooftops, "I am so in love!!!" with him. It's just something we did (marriage). I wasn't even enthusiastic about my own damn wedding, didn't care about colors or decorations. Zombie -- that's why I say I was in a zombie state of existence. Going through the motions not even sure what the hell I was doing.
Now it's just all different. Mutual Respect, appreciation, shared interests, shared JOY (a BIGGIE for me), similar affectionate needs (both of us need a lot of affection, some would call us clingy), similar wants and interests on a day off (we like to be active, where my ex liked to sit and do, in his words, "nothing.") Yeah, compatibility is huge and love is not enough if we aren't compatible with our mates.
I could go on and on but have many reports. Hope you enjoy, or find the article helpful, or it sparks something if something needs to be sparked. If not, that's cool too. Just passing it along!
