Post by raindrop on Mar 22, 2017 20:41:23 GMT -5
I don't really care anymore. I don't care that we don't have sex. I don't want to have sex with her anymore.
I'm 46. We got married, my second, when I was 37. We are both professionals with demanding jobs.
Before marriage, our sex life was fine.
Right after we got married, we both wanted kids. The sex was a lot, but we were trying to get pregnant. When she got pregnant, I was totally cut off. Nothing. and Nothing for almost a year after the baby was born.
Then, we decided to have another kid. And amazingly, a lot of sex.
And then, when she got pregnant the second time. Nothing. and nothing for a year after the baby was born.
My second child was born in 2011. We've probably had sex less than 10 times since he's been born. Maybe 3 times in the last 2 years.
In one stretch, I went 3 years without sex.
I was very, very angry. We talked about it, and it didn't change.
She would co sleep with the kids. As a tool to preclude sex.
My daughter started sleeping in her own room and out of mom's bed when she was 5. She's 7 now.
My son, 5, still sleeps in the same bed.
I moved out of the bedroom and use a different one.
A couple of things are clear to me now.
She never loved me. She just used me because she was at a point in her life (late 30's) where the biological clock was ticking and she wanted kids.
I am a professional with academic bonafides and am in shape, so I met the criteria.
It's also pretty clear to me piecing together history I've learned over the years that she was on the rebound from a failed relationship when she and I met.
So, she needed a sperm donor and had a check list. I met the checklist and donated the sperm. And she's done.
With the above realization, I don't ever want to touch her again. I'm not pining over her.
I'm not going to get a divorce, because I got one in my 20's (no kids, thank goodness) and it took years to recover financially.
I've just come to the conclusion that my needs will have to be met elsewhere.
I look at my marriage like I'm running a business with a business partner. (i.e., my wife).
As far as emotional stuff, she's on the Bronze Plan now.
If she needs help with her car, or wants career advice, I'm there.
We're a team when it comes to the kids.
If she wants a shoulder to cry on or some other species of emotional support? NO. FUCKING. WAY.
I'm going to live my life and discreetly pursue my leisure and pleasure outside of my "business partnership".
That probably makes me an asshole by today's standards.
But I don't care.
I'm 46. We got married, my second, when I was 37. We are both professionals with demanding jobs.
Before marriage, our sex life was fine.
Right after we got married, we both wanted kids. The sex was a lot, but we were trying to get pregnant. When she got pregnant, I was totally cut off. Nothing. and Nothing for almost a year after the baby was born.
Then, we decided to have another kid. And amazingly, a lot of sex.
And then, when she got pregnant the second time. Nothing. and nothing for a year after the baby was born.
My second child was born in 2011. We've probably had sex less than 10 times since he's been born. Maybe 3 times in the last 2 years.
In one stretch, I went 3 years without sex.
I was very, very angry. We talked about it, and it didn't change.
She would co sleep with the kids. As a tool to preclude sex.
My daughter started sleeping in her own room and out of mom's bed when she was 5. She's 7 now.
My son, 5, still sleeps in the same bed.
I moved out of the bedroom and use a different one.
A couple of things are clear to me now.
She never loved me. She just used me because she was at a point in her life (late 30's) where the biological clock was ticking and she wanted kids.
I am a professional with academic bonafides and am in shape, so I met the criteria.
It's also pretty clear to me piecing together history I've learned over the years that she was on the rebound from a failed relationship when she and I met.
So, she needed a sperm donor and had a check list. I met the checklist and donated the sperm. And she's done.
With the above realization, I don't ever want to touch her again. I'm not pining over her.
I'm not going to get a divorce, because I got one in my 20's (no kids, thank goodness) and it took years to recover financially.
I've just come to the conclusion that my needs will have to be met elsewhere.
I look at my marriage like I'm running a business with a business partner. (i.e., my wife).
As far as emotional stuff, she's on the Bronze Plan now.
If she needs help with her car, or wants career advice, I'm there.
We're a team when it comes to the kids.
If she wants a shoulder to cry on or some other species of emotional support? NO. FUCKING. WAY.
I'm going to live my life and discreetly pursue my leisure and pleasure outside of my "business partnership".
That probably makes me an asshole by today's standards.
But I don't care.
