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Post by WindSister on Mar 20, 2017 9:48:26 GMT -5
... your partner may be the one to find "the lump."
I can share this now because it's all over and well and good (thank goodness) but there was a little health scare in my world recently. My husband is the one who found a lump on my right breast (I figure that's not TMI for this group, keeping it real!). After that, he went into the bathroom, said he was praying for a positive outcome for me and then started to think about me with cancer, got lightheaded and passed out. (We were stone--cold-sober, important to note). I heard a big bang, rushed in there and saw him laying on the floor, blood everywhere. It was horrifying. He hit his head on the shower, gashed it wide open. He is fine, no huge ramifications from that. I tried to keep him calm, letting him know that not all lumps are the C-word - until we could get it checked out.
It's totally benign (biopsy-certified) so all is GOOD!
But this whole thing has just strengthened the fact that I know I am in a good thing with him. The man passed out from sheer love for me... I figure we can get through anything life dishes out at us with love like that, but I am thankful we weren't dished out a sample quite yet.
I read something then somewhere that husbands are often the ones to find breast cancer and wives to find testicular cancer but then I thought... hmmm... not in a SM. Unfortunately. But in a healthy marriage you know each other, you feel each other, you touch, you explore. You can find those lumps. Anyway, I highly encourage him to keep copping a feel now.... lol. He said he will. So I am just once again filled with intense gratitude for life and love. The hard days pass by - keep on your path.
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Post by GeekGoddess on Mar 20, 2017 10:30:44 GMT -5
A sister of mine divorced her first husband. Later remarried, she had cancer in both boobs & had double mastectomy (followed later with reconstruction). Seeing the care & support received from H2, I knew she wouldn't have made it if this happened during her first marriage.
True gratitude for my current BIL, that I still have that sister.
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Post by WindSister on Mar 20, 2017 10:32:43 GMT -5
A sister of mine divorced her first husband. Later remarried, she had cancer in both boobs & had double mastectomy (followed later with reconstruction). Seeing the care & support received from H2, I knew she wouldn't have made it if this happened during her first marriage. True gratitude for my current BIL, that I still have that sister. I am thankful you still have that sister, too. What a testament! ((hugs)) |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2017 16:22:30 GMT -5
... your partner may be the one to find "the lump." I can share this now because it's all over and well and good (thank goodness) but there was a little health scare in my world recently. My husband is the one who found a lump on my right breast (I figure that's not TMI for this group, keeping it real!). After that, he went into the bathroom, said he was praying for a positive outcome for me and then started to think about me with cancer, got lightheaded and passed out. (We were stone--cold-sober, important to note). I heard a big bang, rushed in there and saw him laying on the floor, blood everywhere. It was horrifying. He hit his head on the shower, gashed it wide open. He is fine, no huge ramifications from that. I tried to keep him calm, letting him know that not all lumps are the C-word - until we could get it checked out. It's totally benign (biopsy-certified) so all is GOOD! But this whole thing has just strengthened the fact that I know I am in a good thing with him. The man passed out from sheer love for me... I figure we can get through anything life dishes out at us with love like that, but I am thankful we weren't dished out a sample quite yet. I read something then somewhere that husbands are often the ones to find breast cancer and wives to find testicular cancer but then I thought... hmmm... not in a SM. Unfortunately. But in a healthy marriage you know each other, you feel each other, you touch, you explore. You can find those lumps. Anyway, I highly encourage him to keep copping a feel now.... lol. He said he will. So I am just once again filled with intense gratitude for life and love. The hard days pass by - keep on your path. This is very touching. About 15 years ago, my brother once had a spot on his back that was found by his wife. She was looking closely and it did not look right to her. So he went to the dermatologist & it was skin cancer. Since it was early, it was no big deal, but I remember thinking that I hope I never have anything like that because my wife would never notice. |
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Post by tamara68 on Mar 21, 2017 5:19:33 GMT -5
This is one of my fears. When still living with my stbx, I thought how horrifying it would be if I would get some kind of serious illness that would prevent me from leaving. And very frightening to go through something like that along with the burden of having that stbx.
Now I sometimes fear becoming ill before I get the chance to start living. I hope I don't have any reasons for fear. These thoughts just pop up occasionnally.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 21, 2017 9:49:40 GMT -5
This is one of my fears. When still living with my stbx, I thought how horrifying it would be if I would get some kind of serious illness that would prevent me from leaving. And very frightening to go through something like that along with the burden of having that stbx. Now I sometimes fear becoming ill before I get the chance to start living. I hope I don't have any reasons for fear. These thoughts just pop up occasionnally. I felt the same way. The thought of being really sick and at the mercy of my refuser was terrifying. |
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Post by tamara68 on Mar 21, 2017 10:17:48 GMT -5
This is one of my fears. When still living with my stbx, I thought how horrifying it would be if I would get some kind of serious illness that would prevent me from leaving. And very frightening to go through something like that along with the burden of having that stbx. Now I sometimes fear becoming ill before I get the chance to start living. I hope I don't have any reasons for fear. These thoughts just pop up occasionnally. I felt the same way. The thought of being really sick and at the mercy of my refuser was terrifying. It is definitely more terrifying than sickness itself. Finding your spouse worse than a life threatening illness is a good indicator that something is wrong.... to put it mildly. |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 21, 2017 15:28:53 GMT -5
It is definitely more terrifying than sickness itself. Finding your spouse worse than a life threatening illness is a good indicator that something is wrong.... to put it mildly. Yes, Tamara, that is absolutely right. Since I have been away from her for a year now, I really don't see how I was able to stand her for 28 years. I learned to sleep with one eye open. |
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Post by tamara68 on Mar 22, 2017 5:43:08 GMT -5
It is definitely more terrifying than sickness itself. Finding your spouse worse than a life threatening illness is a good indicator that something is wrong.... to put it mildly. Yes, Tamara, that is absolutely right. Since I have been away from her for a year now, I really don't see how I was able to stand her for 28 years. I learned to sleep with one eye open. And how are you feeling since you left? |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 22, 2017 8:54:20 GMT -5
Yes, Tamara, that is absolutely right. Since I have been away from her for a year now, I really don't see how I was able to stand her for 28 years. I learned to sleep with one eye open. And how are you feeling since you left? I feel absolutely wonderful. I have thought about her behavior. If someone was to act like her on the first date, I would never be with that person ever again. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Mar 22, 2017 9:07:35 GMT -5
And how are you feeling since you left? I feel absolutely wonderful. I have thought about her behavior. If someone was to act like her on the first date, I would never be with that person ever again. Funny how they know that too, and will NEVER act that way on a first date. Because that's what it is an act, and they know it. Pure manipulation. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Mar 22, 2017 9:16:41 GMT -5
I like your story awakeforthedance very much. It enhances the realization of how my STBX treated me with the complete opposite. During my life threatening medical emergency. I look back on it as a blessing . It shed light on the truth ,that a one sided relationship was all that was left, and I deserved better. I am responsible for making that change.
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Post by WindSister on Mar 22, 2017 10:56:27 GMT -5
I like your story awakeforthedance very much. It enhances the realization of how my STBX treated me with the complete opposite. During my life threatening medical emergency. I look back on it as a blessing . It shed light on the truth ,that a one sided relationship was all that was left, and I deserved better. I am responsible for making that change. I am sorry for your life-threatening emergency. I am glad that it lead you to clarity. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Mar 22, 2017 11:45:05 GMT -5
I like your story awakeforthedance very much. It enhances the realization of how my STBX treated me with the complete opposite. During my life threatening medical emergency. I look back on it as a blessing . It shed light on the truth ,that a one sided relationship was all that was left, and I deserved better. I am responsible for making that change. I am sorry for your life-threatening emergency. I am glad that it lead you to clarity. Thank you for that! I pulled through quiet well, probably never happen again! Ironically I faced it head on and felt quite comfortable with the outcome, whatever it was going to be. When your marriage is dead , much of your life seems dead. yet I felt more nervous and had far less confidence in meeting with an attorney. I am getting better at making my own life changing decisions. Far to many years of having my leadership, and spirituality, judged by my spouse as "never good enough" A strong red flag proving that my spouce will always be a controller. |
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