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Post by McRoomMate on Mar 25, 2017 19:48:25 GMT -5
I's sorry to hear that you've been going through this for so long. It sounds like you aren't getting along outside of the bedroom anymore than you are in the bedroom. It's such a crappy situation, but I am glad that you finally decided to post here and talk about it. I just found this forum and just knowing there are so many other people going through intimacy issues makes me feel a little less lonely. Minor consolation I know, but it's something. Yes, INTIMACY ISSUES. Really this should be called I.L.I.A.I.M. - "I live in an an INTIMACY-LESS Marriage. Sexless thing is but a symptom and a part of the overwhelming larger LACK of INTIMACY. Well said. |
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Post by GeekGoddess on Mar 25, 2017 22:27:09 GMT -5
I's sorry to hear that you've been going through this for so long. It sounds like you aren't getting along outside of the bedroom anymore than you are in the bedroom. It's such a crappy situation, but I am glad that you finally decided to post here and talk about it. I just found this forum and just knowing there are so many other people going through intimacy issues makes me feel a little less lonely. Minor consolation I know, but it's something. Yes, INTIMACY ISSUES. Really this should be called I.L.I.A.I.M. - "I live in an an INTIMACY-LESS Marriage. Sexless thing is but a symptom and a part of the overwhelming larger LACK of INTIMACY. Well said. However- many of us who find the group never would have googled "how to fix an intimacy-less marriage" Remember our chorus? (Mine was, when I got here): everything is great, bar the sex. The lessons on what ELSE was wrong in marriage never would have sent me looking for answers. The sex life was ALL that I thought needed answers. |
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Post by baza on Mar 25, 2017 23:18:51 GMT -5
I think a more accurate title for this group would be - "I Live In a Dysfunctional Marriage AND There's Not Even Some Half Decent Sex To Compensate"
But I doubt too many people will google that.
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Post by McRoomMate on Mar 26, 2017 2:33:24 GMT -5
@geekgoddess baza Oh yes of course. Me too absolutely - the day I landed here - the BIG problem was "no sex" and an unexpressable vague awareness something else was not right too, but I had no idea what it was or how to describe it in words. Please - keep the name as is. Google power is important. I think the alternative names are great for those "in the know" after painful but honest soul searching. |
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Post by McRoomMate on Mar 26, 2017 2:35:19 GMT -5
Yes, INTIMACY ISSUES. Really this should be called I.L.I.A.I.M. - "I live in an an INTIMACY-LESS Marriage. Sexless thing is but a symptom and a part of the overwhelming larger LACK of INTIMACY. Well said. However- many of us who find the group never would have googled "how to fix an intimacy-less marriage" Remember our chorus? (Mine was, when I got here): everything is great, bar the sex. The lessons on what ELSE was wrong in marriage never would have sent me looking for answers. The sex life was ALL that I thought needed answers. ABSOLUTELY !!! I can sing that chorus in perfect "dis-harmony" and know the lyrics by heart, as I sang it in my head for about 10 years before coming here. |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Mar 26, 2017 5:42:59 GMT -5
Grateful you chose to finally share your story. I hope that opening up gives some small relief to you. The pressure of keeping it to myself was pretty huge & sharing back on EP did me a lot of good. Typing things out helped me clarify my truth & see where I was (& where that was headed). I was finally certain that staying would (could) only lead me to bitter unhappiness. I got a support group (Adult Children of Alcoholics) & a therapist & used EP for additional steam-letting & advice-seeking. I couldn't have trudged my road out without the help of all 3. I changed my expectations too, mostly those around myself. I no longer counted leaving as an impossible option. Then I learned what it would take. I jumping in with both feet, a little before I had my act completely "together" but it worked out anyway. And I have not regretted the changes in my life. In studies, most people don't regret things they actually DID. They usually regret things they DIDN'T do in life. In getting out, I knew there was no guarantee that "out" would be better. But life has no guarantees. All I wanted was the CHANCE for something different. I took the risk. It's paid off for me. Life isn't perfect now, but it is my own. Thanks for opening up to share your story. And good luck navigating. This this this!!!! Its the opportunity of HAVING a chance at happiness. Xxx |
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Post by shamwow on Mar 26, 2017 7:40:36 GMT -5
However- many of us who find the group never would have googled "how to fix an intimacy-less marriage" Remember our chorus? (Mine was, when I got here): everything is great, bar the sex. The lessons on what ELSE was wrong in marriage never would have sent me looking for answers. The sex life was ALL that I thought needed answers. ABSOLUTELY !!! I can sing that chorus in perfect "dis-harmony" and know the lyrics by heart, as I sang it in my head for about 10 years before coming here. Perhaps the forum band Sex Fog could perform the song? |
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Post by lyn on Mar 26, 2017 12:38:21 GMT -5
allworkandnoplay. I'm so glad you decided to post. Like you, I was a lurker for years before opening up a few months ago. Like you, I also, pretty much knew my marriage was dead. When there's no intimacy (even forget the sex [gasp!] for a second. No intimacy = no marriage. I'm sure you're all to aware of this scenario. In any case, please keep posting. Also, responding to posts by others can be quite healing as well. Please open your mind to the possibility of happiness. Welcome!
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Post by Copernicus on Mar 26, 2017 21:37:01 GMT -5
Welcome Allworkandnoplay. Thanks for sharing your story - totally agree with you (and the other posters) about intimacy! Your situation sucks, especially as it's constantly in your face 24/7, but it's not going to last forever. As much as your W wants to control you, she can only do so to the extent that you let her. This is YOUR life. If she's not willing to share it at an intimate level, then it's time you start thinking about your next long-term contract.
We are each other's support group, so know that you're not on your own.
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