Here is what you have to look forward to...
Mar 25, 2016 18:57:57 GMT -5
darktippedrose, 1life2live2015, and 10 more like this
Post by TheBumble on Mar 25, 2016 18:57:57 GMT -5
Here is what you have to look forward to........
I know there are WAY more people that cruise through here as unregistered guests, likely having googled 'sexless marriage'. There is MUCH to read here, but it all kind of comes down to this fine point. You're screwed. To be blunt. Precious few marriages that have you googling 'sexless marriage' are survivable, for many many reasons. You can read all about it by going through the 'Popular' posts of this unfortunate group.
What I'd like to do, simply, is tell you what you very well may face in the years ahead (for those of you gasping at a few months without sex, and with it looking like it may last another month....or maybe a year and a half, heck, maybe five, ten, fifteen, twenty......you'll read all about that in the Popular posts (use the 'sort' dropdown). We're all different of course, but we are also all human and I bet our ways of dealing with this level of duress is all too common amongst us.
You MAY VERY WELL, at some point:
- begin to lose touch with friends and family as the mask just gets too heavy to wear around them......you begin to drift away.
- find that the one happy moment of your day is when a favorite show comes on in the evening to save you. And you'll tremble at those days when "nothing's on".
- standing in your no longer shared little bedroom, looking out the window and losing track of time (but don't miss your show because then the whole 24 hour day is ******.
- contemplate suicide at SOME level, even if just to give yourself something novel to contemplate
- dread the simple act of 'going home' after work.
- shy away from having to sit down for dinner with your refuser (kids can help here)
- fighting tooth and nail for your place as mother or father with your own children...which is tough going because YOU are in hell and it's hard to push that aside constantly to be bright and sunny...but your partner is just fine, and reaps the benefits of unfettered facetime with the kids, happy and carefree, with all of them wondering what's become of the 'you' and the way 'you' used to be.
- go in for a sprain, and - for the first time ever - have a doctor look into your eyes and ask you, 'Is there something else bothering you?' and looking skeptically upon you when you try and smile and say, 'No, why?'
- have some of the weirdest dreams you'll ever have
- begin to doubt that you ever knew anything at all, and that your own feelings, instincts, reactions, thoughts are all wrong.
- lose all interest in your hobbies and interests
- lose all hope that the future holds anything that will be remotely fun
- no longer wish to travel (and the cooler the destination, the less you want to go) because you're now traveling with someone who doesn't seem to like you all that much, doesn't want you to touch them, and with whom it seems that every bit of communication creates an eye-roll, a mumble, or crystal clear annoyance from them -- but they NEED you to go with them anyway - I mean, come ON, man, you're a couple!!
- take the advice to try and do more around the house without having to be told (that's a major bugaboo), but when you take things on you are told or shown how you did them incorrectly.
- you will place an object (either artistic or utilitarian) somewhere that you really like, only to find it moved to another place the very next day.
- you will think about cheating or open marriages and all of that, but that's just not who you are......or are you..........or aren't you.........and you'll grind away years of your life debating this alone.
- you will sift back through your childhood trying to find clues to how this could happen to you. You will also try to divine THEIR childhood to try to find the same clues. You'll come up empty. Or maybe you'll spend several years reading about BPD and narcissistic personality disorder, may Stockholm Syndrome.........surely you must be suffering from SOMEthing......something that can't POSSIBLY be that your spouse has checked out and doesn't love you in that way anymore.
- you'll read all the books - all those self-help books that people keep telling you to read. You'll spend countless hours reading articles online, and other message boards...and you'll read all the comments just HOPING that somewhere in all the combined wisdom of every individual, that YOUR golden ticket to rediscovered happiness is in there somewhere (hint: it IS....and it is to leave your marriage and save yourSELF........but you'll likely look past those for awhile - maybe even years and years of sands through the hourglass, thinking they don't know YOUR situation -- and you'll come to the eventual place where you realize they were right and you've just burnt X-number of years of your life figuring that out.
There's SO much more. Each person takes their own meandering path up that mountain. Just don't grind up your life in this shithole meatgrinder called sexless marriage. It's going to eat you alive..........trust me on that.........and get out. Amicably if possible - but just get out.
I know there are WAY more people that cruise through here as unregistered guests, likely having googled 'sexless marriage'. There is MUCH to read here, but it all kind of comes down to this fine point. You're screwed. To be blunt. Precious few marriages that have you googling 'sexless marriage' are survivable, for many many reasons. You can read all about it by going through the 'Popular' posts of this unfortunate group.
What I'd like to do, simply, is tell you what you very well may face in the years ahead (for those of you gasping at a few months without sex, and with it looking like it may last another month....or maybe a year and a half, heck, maybe five, ten, fifteen, twenty......you'll read all about that in the Popular posts (use the 'sort' dropdown). We're all different of course, but we are also all human and I bet our ways of dealing with this level of duress is all too common amongst us.
You MAY VERY WELL, at some point:
- begin to lose touch with friends and family as the mask just gets too heavy to wear around them......you begin to drift away.
- find that the one happy moment of your day is when a favorite show comes on in the evening to save you. And you'll tremble at those days when "nothing's on".
- standing in your no longer shared little bedroom, looking out the window and losing track of time (but don't miss your show because then the whole 24 hour day is ******.
- contemplate suicide at SOME level, even if just to give yourself something novel to contemplate
- dread the simple act of 'going home' after work.
- shy away from having to sit down for dinner with your refuser (kids can help here)
- fighting tooth and nail for your place as mother or father with your own children...which is tough going because YOU are in hell and it's hard to push that aside constantly to be bright and sunny...but your partner is just fine, and reaps the benefits of unfettered facetime with the kids, happy and carefree, with all of them wondering what's become of the 'you' and the way 'you' used to be.
- go in for a sprain, and - for the first time ever - have a doctor look into your eyes and ask you, 'Is there something else bothering you?' and looking skeptically upon you when you try and smile and say, 'No, why?'
- have some of the weirdest dreams you'll ever have
- begin to doubt that you ever knew anything at all, and that your own feelings, instincts, reactions, thoughts are all wrong.
- lose all interest in your hobbies and interests
- lose all hope that the future holds anything that will be remotely fun
- no longer wish to travel (and the cooler the destination, the less you want to go) because you're now traveling with someone who doesn't seem to like you all that much, doesn't want you to touch them, and with whom it seems that every bit of communication creates an eye-roll, a mumble, or crystal clear annoyance from them -- but they NEED you to go with them anyway - I mean, come ON, man, you're a couple!!
- take the advice to try and do more around the house without having to be told (that's a major bugaboo), but when you take things on you are told or shown how you did them incorrectly.
- you will place an object (either artistic or utilitarian) somewhere that you really like, only to find it moved to another place the very next day.
- you will think about cheating or open marriages and all of that, but that's just not who you are......or are you..........or aren't you.........and you'll grind away years of your life debating this alone.
- you will sift back through your childhood trying to find clues to how this could happen to you. You will also try to divine THEIR childhood to try to find the same clues. You'll come up empty. Or maybe you'll spend several years reading about BPD and narcissistic personality disorder, may Stockholm Syndrome.........surely you must be suffering from SOMEthing......something that can't POSSIBLY be that your spouse has checked out and doesn't love you in that way anymore.
- you'll read all the books - all those self-help books that people keep telling you to read. You'll spend countless hours reading articles online, and other message boards...and you'll read all the comments just HOPING that somewhere in all the combined wisdom of every individual, that YOUR golden ticket to rediscovered happiness is in there somewhere (hint: it IS....and it is to leave your marriage and save yourSELF........but you'll likely look past those for awhile - maybe even years and years of sands through the hourglass, thinking they don't know YOUR situation -- and you'll come to the eventual place where you realize they were right and you've just burnt X-number of years of your life figuring that out.
There's SO much more. Each person takes their own meandering path up that mountain. Just don't grind up your life in this shithole meatgrinder called sexless marriage. It's going to eat you alive..........trust me on that.........and get out. Amicably if possible - but just get out.
