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Post by WindSister on Mar 3, 2017 12:52:36 GMT -5
So -- help me out. Am I crazy for feeling this is weird?? (am I allowed to post non-SM things now that I got out of the SM?? Hope so! )
My husband's ex-girlfriend of a measly 3 years in which they broke up and got back together FOUR times during that time, posts a new profile picture on Facebook (Fakebook). His EX WIFE comments on it: "Oh, so beautiful, God, I miss you so much!!!" (word for word). His daughers also chime in, "We miss you tooooooo" (hearts, hearts, hearts) She replies, "Oh, I miss all you girls SO much, lets get together sooooooon ~~ kisses!!!"
Gag
Seriously.
WTH???
Am I supposed to be "that" chummy with his ex-wife? Because I won't be. I can't be. I can't fake shit. I am not FB Friends with either ex on FB and won't be. (Saw it only because of his daughters' involvment in the thread and it was a public picture so showed up in my newsfeed).
I keep things civil and friendly - we even do the hug thing when we have to get together (birthday dinners, weddings, showers, etc.). But to be all besties on facebook?? Um.. no.
What the hell are they trying to say to his friends/family? The new wife sucks, we miss his cool ex girlfriend?
I know, it has nothing to do with me - or maybe it does. Who cares.
It just all makes me gag a little. His exgirlfriend was SO inappropriate --- she asked him to LIE to me so that he and she could stay in touch and stay friends. He didn't - he actually showed me her pathetic email all on his own accord. He showed me every text but never responded to them (because he had already told her to stop contacting him). Finally he blocked her number on his phone (the last straw was her texting him at midnight on our wedding night - sure she said "congratulations" but who the hell does that??). Anyway -- there is a reason I can't stand this snakey woman so to see his KIDS and EX Wife gush over her on Facebook makes me a little ill.
Anyway- I won't do anything about it. Just saying this out loud feels better. Facebook is so stupid. It really is.
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Post by greatcoastal on Mar 3, 2017 13:16:37 GMT -5
Fakebook! You got that right! shrink4men.com/2015/05/28/say-goodbye-to-crazy-episode-6-why-some-mommy-bloggers-suck/I believe you will relate very well to this. I purchased her book, and liked it so much I shared it with my therapist.( His ex controllers office was right next store to him, until a couple of days ago) I gave him my book, and need to buy another copy! So much of it comes down to boundaries, and enforcing them. Does it ever end? Maybe not, but they say it does get less, and less, the more you enforce your boundaries, and detach. One thing that helps me ( a little) is to pat myself on the back and tell myself, "I'm glad I am not that way." |
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Post by bballgirl on Mar 3, 2017 13:41:19 GMT -5
You are not supposed to be anything you don't want to be, which includes chummy with his wife.
I always say - consider the source.
I had a sold 13 years of issues with the MIL.
She stayed out of our business until the grandkids arrived.
At that point I saw her narcissist behavior, manipulation, secrecy, etc.
She by no means caused my divorce but it was definitely a bonus to the divorce that I no longer have to see her when she visits.
I used to complain to my ex about her behavior and he would tell me "if you have a problem then tell her". He never went to bat for me.
Now when she visits sometimes, he calls to complain to me about her behavior and all I say is I understand your frustration.
During the 13 years I learned how to handle her rude comments and disrespectful behavior. Eventually I detached from her as well as her son and I didn't care any longer. Her behavior had zero impact on my emotions. A lot of it I saw as comical to be honest and that kept me sane.
So my advice is to consider the source and not give it a second thought.
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Post by hopingforachange on Mar 3, 2017 15:23:39 GMT -5
Sounds like you need to post a pic staking your claim to him. I am talking pissing on the conference room table marking your claim. Make sure they know whom he picked and they lost.
You could also offer to have his daughters spend the weekend with the exwife and exgirlfriend so you two can have fun without interruption.
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Post by WindSister on Mar 6, 2017 9:23:58 GMT -5
Sounds like you need to post a pic staking your claim to him. I am talking pissing on the conference room table marking your claim. Make sure they know whom he picked and they lost. You could also offer to have his daughters spend the weekend with the exwife and exgirlfriend so you two can have fun without interruption. His daughters are adults; both pregnant and one with two other kids (both married too). I don't play the Facebook games. I have been TEMPTED but I have all my posts set to an audience of "only me" and usually end up deleting after I think a bit about it. If I really want to share something then I switch to the audience of "friends". I feel best that way, like I am taking the high road, let them play their games. His daughters are like happy little puppies who "love everyone" so I don't feel THEY are playing games -- just his ex wife and ex girlfriend. His ex wife will post EVERY LITTLE thing on Facebook: every gift she receives, every night out with the grand kids, every weekend with the grands, every flower she gets "just because", etc. My husband will see all that just because she tags the kids and then sees it in his newsfeed. It's clear mom is the fave of the two. But oh well. I would hate to live like that -- a need to prove I am loved. I keep pretty low key and quiet on Facebook. I would make the exes invisible to myself, but a part of me likes to know when they are up to stuff. I suppose I should let go of that need myself for more peace. Bring back the times when you MIGHT/MAYBE run into an ex once a year or so, not every day, or every week, on your FB Newsfeed. It IS crazy! I happen to know his ex girlfriend told his best friend that she can't be friends with my husband because I am "too insecure." It's a lie - no one tells my husband what to do, he chose to cut her off all on his own because he sees and knows a narcissist when he sees one and she is it. She can't STAND the fact of people cutting her out of life. She complained to his daughter, "We were together 3 years, it's cold that he could just cut me and my kids off like that." So his daughter tried to guilt him into contacting her by saying, "Well, Dad, you were together 3 years." He got mad and said it's none of her business what he does and she left it at that finally. I don't get her at all. Hell, I was with my ex for 15 years and don't contact him. It's NOT "cold" it is respectful - allowing him to move on with his new woman. They don't need to see me pop up via text or Facebook every birthday or holiday, like a neon sign saying, "REMEMBER ME???" MOVE ON. It's what adults do. Nothing cold about it. |
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Post by Rhapsodee on Mar 16, 2017 14:56:38 GMT -5
Good grief. I'm gagging too.
My brother's widow is dating a man with two ex-wives. He invited both of them over for thanksgiving dinner at her house! Now that's bizarre!
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Post by solodriver on Mar 16, 2017 18:25:54 GMT -5
I'm glad I don't have Facebook!
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Post by seabr33z3 on Mar 16, 2017 18:36:08 GMT -5
Sounds like you need to post a pic staking your claim to him. I am talking pissing on the conference room table marking your claim. Make sure they know whom he picked and they lost. You could also offer to have his daughters spend the weekend with the exwife and exgirlfriend so you two can have fun without interruption. His daughters are adults; both pregnant and one with two other kids (both married too). I don't play the Facebook games. I have been TEMPTED but I have all my posts set to an audience of "only me" and usually end up deleting after I think a bit about it. If I really want to share something then I switch to the audience of "friends". I feel best that way, like I am taking the high road, let them play their games. His daughters are like happy little puppies who "love everyone" so I don't feel THEY are playing games -- just his ex wife and ex girlfriend. His ex wife will post EVERY LITTLE thing on Facebook: every gift she receives, every night out with the grand kids, every weekend with the grands, every flower she gets "just because", etc. My husband will see all that just because she tags the kids and then sees it in his newsfeed. It's clear mom is the fave of the two. But oh well. I would hate to live like that -- a need to prove I am loved. I keep pretty low key and quiet on Facebook. I would make the exes invisible to myself, but a part of me likes to know when they are up to stuff. I suppose I should let go of that need myself for more peace. Bring back the times when you MIGHT/MAYBE run into an ex once a year or so, not every day, or every week, on your FB Newsfeed. It IS crazy! I happen to know his ex girlfriend told his best friend that she can't be friends with my husband because I am "too insecure." It's a lie - no one tells my husband what to do, he chose to cut her off all on his own because he sees and knows a narcissist when he sees one and she is it. She can't STAND the fact of people cutting her out of life. She complained to his daughter, "We were together 3 years, it's cold that he could just cut me and my kids off like that." So his daughter tried to guilt him into contacting her by saying, "Well, Dad, you were together 3 years." He got mad and said it's none of her business what he does and she left it at that finally. I don't get her at all. Hell, I was with my ex for 15 years and don't contact him. It's NOT "cold" it is respectful - allowing him to move on with his new woman. They don't need to see me pop up via text or Facebook every birthday or holiday, like a neon sign saying, "REMEMBER ME???" MOVE ON. It's what adults do. Nothing cold about it. It's a game. She wants what you have. She is the one who is insecure. The lady doth protest too much...she is using FB in a way that she hopes will annoy you. Although you don't need to play her games, it would be very tempting to post special pics or info. Photos of romantic getaway breaks with your husband or pics of the beautiful jewellery he surprised you with on a special birthday/anniversary etc |
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Post by WindSister on Mar 17, 2017 9:29:52 GMT -5
Good grief. I'm gagging too. My brother's widow is dating a man with two ex-wives. He invited both of them over for thanksgiving dinner at her house! Now that's bizarre! Oh my!! No thank you! Life is too short! lol I have warmed up to my husband's ex wife and I am genuinely no longer jealous, but the sound of her voice still grates at the core of me for some reason, so we definitely will not be doing Holidays. Last night I kissed my husband so much after he told his daughter, "Well, I love you all kiddo, but I think it's just getting harder and harder to get EVERYONE together for every birthday and holiday. We will have to come up on a different afternoon for (granddaughter's) birthday because that weekend we are heading out of town." He tells it like it is. Not to be cold, but if we go to every birthday gathering that they like to have it means we are seeing his ex 7-8 times a year and frankly - that's a bit much. lol We'd rather have one quality hour with the grands than watch them run around like crazy wildebeasts at a big get together comprising of a bunch of adults who barely even like each other. lol But that's just us. |
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Post by WindSister on Mar 17, 2017 9:31:46 GMT -5
It's a game. She wants what you have. She is the one who is insecure. The lady doth protest too much...she is using FB in a way that she hopes will annoy you. Although you don't need to play her games, it would be very tempting to post special pics or info. Photos of romantic getaway breaks with your husband or pics of the beautiful jewellery he surprised you with on a special birthday/anniversary etc haha... we did have some shmultzy-ness on facebook but it wasn't to rub it in anyone's faces. We are mostly quiet now. |
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raindrop
New Member
Posts: 3 
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by raindrop on Mar 22, 2017 21:05:40 GMT -5
I cannot imagine interacting with my exwife.
The last time she contacted me, was out of the blue, asking me to give her (not loan, give) $6000 so she and her mom could go on a foriegn vacation.
We had been divorced for 3 or 4 years at this point.
Oh, yeah, money was one of the lead contributors our getting divorced.
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Post by WindSister on Apr 3, 2017 12:27:06 GMT -5
So I am over being annoyed with the exes (even the ex-girlfriend) but thought I would share what I was told this weekend from my husband's eldest. She is such a talker, that is why we don't share much with her... lol.. she is a talker and loyal to no one, not even her mom. Anyway... she said that her mom was pissed because she didn't get pictures of her and her man with the new baby. So now she is mad and just staying off Facebook indefinitely. She commented to her daughter, "Well, you sure got lots of pictures of your STEPmom and Dad on there, though." His daughter said that her mom never asked for a picture taken and didn't take any pictures. I admit, I took LOTS of pictures at the hospital. It's what I do (I love photography) and there were so many precious moments of the older siblings meeting their sister, the whole new family together, etc. We weren't there when the ex wife was there, we were there before, just because of how things worked out with work schedules. I didn't post any pictures on Facebook, I only emailed them to his daughters (I still don't feel it's my place to post pictures of others on FB), and then SHE posted them all. So, she got in trouble with mom, apparently.
But, there's that passive aggressiveness at play again, coupled with the victim mentality: "Poor me, no one took pictures of ME with the new grandbaby." I knew I wanted pictures of this special moment, so I made sure pictures were taken. I didn't "leave that up to others" and then bitch when it didn't get done.
I recognize that behavior because I used to be like that, but I think my first marriage has taught me to be direct, ask for what I want and expect to get it or move on. Right? Maybe... lol.
Anyway, just sharing some thoughts.
I can't feel bad if the ex feels bad. Seriously, I KNOW this about myself now, if she had been there when we were there, I would have taken a picture of her with the grandkids. 100% - yes, I would have. And I would have emailed it to her. I know this because that is exactly what I did 2 years ago and back then I had major issues when it came to her. I still made sure she got a good picture. I wasn't trying to prove anything with all the picture taking, it's what I do. Anyway -- you just never know how people are going to take your actions in these family situations. lol The daughter is pissed at her mom for making her feel bad about it. I just let my husband do all the talking, I said nothing and went and played with the kids. lol (as I usually do when they start talking about her mom - I offer no negative input!!).
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Post by seabr33z3 on Apr 3, 2017 14:03:41 GMT -5
So I am over being annoyed with the exes (even the ex-girlfriend) but thought I would share what I was told this weekend from my husband's eldest. She is such a talker, that is why we don't share much with her... lol.. she is a talker and loyal to no one, not even her mom. Anyway... she said that her mom was pissed because she didn't get pictures of her and her man with the new baby. So now she is mad and just staying off Facebook indefinitely. She commented to her daughter, "Well, you sure got lots of pictures of your STEPmom and Dad on there, though." His daughter said that her mom never asked for a picture taken and didn't take any pictures. I admit, I took LOTS of pictures at the hospital. It's what I do (I love photography) and there were so many precious moments of the older siblings meeting their sister, the whole new family together, etc. We weren't there when the ex wife was there, we were there before, just because of how things worked out with work schedules. I didn't post any pictures on Facebook, I only emailed them to his daughters (I still don't feel it's my place to post pictures of others on FB), and then SHE posted them all. So, she got in trouble with mom, apparently. But, there's that passive aggressiveness at play again, coupled with the victim mentality: "Poor me, no one took pictures of ME with the new grandbaby." I knew I wanted pictures of this special moment, so I made sure pictures were taken. I didn't "leave that up to others" and then bitch when it didn't get done. I recognize that behavior because I used to be like that, but I think my first marriage has taught me to be direct, ask for what I want and expect to get it or move on. Right? Maybe... lol. Anyway, just sharing some thoughts. I can't feel bad if the ex feels bad. Seriously, I KNOW this about myself now, if she had been there when we were there, I would have taken a picture of her with the grandkids. 100% - yes, I would have. And I would have emailed it to her. I know this because that is exactly what I did 2 years ago and back then I had major issues when it came to her. I still made sure she got a good picture. I wasn't trying to prove anything with all the picture taking, it's what I do. Anyway -- you just never know how people are going to take your actions in these family situations. lol The daughter is pissed at her mom for making her feel bad about it. I just let my husband do all the talking, I said nothing and went and played with the kids. lol (as I usually do when they start talking about her mom - I offer no negative input!!). So your husband's ex wife is the grandma to the new baby? She never took any photos on her phone or asked someone else to take one of her holding the baby??! SMH. That's her responsibility and No one elses . Your attitude and reactions are dignified. Her loss. She can never recapture that moment and is probably more annoyed with herself as she has made herself look bad and you look to be totally invested in the new baby...which of course you are. |
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