justaguy
New Member
Posts: 2 
Age Range: 41-45
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weight!
Feb 26, 2017 11:27:11 GMT -5
Post by justaguy on Feb 26, 2017 11:27:11 GMT -5
This is a secondary issue in my marriage. My wife gained a lot of weight after the kids, and since the kids she's gained a lot more. I don't find her attractive AT ALL because of this. What is so frustrating is that she doesn't freaking care! She knows it's affecting us, she knows it's a problem. Does she do anything about it? Not even a little bit. Everything you can think of that she might do aggravates me to no end, to a point where I just want to explode!
What makes this so much worse is that I still love who she was, and want it to be that way. I miss sex SO much, I'm sure anyone here can relate. But the lack of sex is kind of a result of everything else. It's like the chicken and the egg. I'm not sure what was happening first. I'm very confused. I just know that I want sex so much but I don't want sex with "THAT!"
Does this make me the problem? I don't know. I'm so easily angered today because she's awake. I was having a great, quiet morning, and now she's up and pissing me off just by existing. I want to say, WHAT THE F********************CK IS WRONG WITH YOUR DAMN HEAD!!!!! Why are you fat, damn it!! Get the hell up and go DO something and stop eating that crap!!
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weight!
Feb 26, 2017 16:17:09 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by seabr33z3 on Feb 26, 2017 16:17:09 GMT -5
Perhaps it's her way of making herself undesirable to you.
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Post by baza on Feb 26, 2017 21:36:29 GMT -5
It seems pretty straightforward. You don't find her at all desirable today. In fact, you don't even seem to like her very much. The missing piece of the picture is what your missus thinks. It sort of reads like you think she has gained all this weight on purpose to spite you (or as Brother seabr33z3 speculates - "to make herself undesirable to you") If that was / is her motive, then it has been a roaring success from her perspective. You appear to despise her. Anyway, "why" she has chosen to tub up is really unknown, and most likely never will be known. I wouldn't recommend chasing that "why" too much further, because it will make no difference - if you fluked the "why" - in any event. Her behaviours are her responsibility, and are not a matter over which you have any control in any event. Irrespective of what may have been the facts some time ago, in the here and now it looks like two spouses with a chasm like the Grand Canyon in between them. What do you see the way forward looking like ? What do you figure you could do to force this deal to resolution ? |
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Post by wewbwb on Feb 26, 2017 22:03:25 GMT -5
You ask if you are the problem.
Probably.
You sound (at least in this post) like a child.
If you do not love her divorce her.
If you do, support and encourage her.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 26, 2017 22:08:18 GMT -5
Please examine your feelings in depth. Right now, you sound shallow and ready to snap at your wife's mere existence. I'm sure the issue goes deeper than her weight gain, and as you say, how she doesn't care.
Do you offer to look after your children so she can take a long walk or go to the gym? Have you encouraged her to go to the doctor (or better, have you gone to the doctor with her) to rule out any medical issues such as thyroid, diabetes, high blood pressure, or depression? Do you assist in cooking healthy, flavorful meals? Have you complimented her lately? Have you done anything but insult her and berate her body? If you answered no to any of these, remember she is the mother of your children and deserves better. And she certainly deserves better than to be referred to as ‘THAT.’
You love who she was? Who she was when, exactly? Before she got pregnant, became a mother and had her body change to create a family, FOR YOU? Before she had to balance work and family and marriage and home?
We all miss sex. Each one of us has a different reason why his or her marriage is fucked up. I know my faults. Some of us even own up to what is our fault. Do that. Think about what you say, and how you say it. And barring any underlying medical condition, she just may start to care about herself (and you!) Otherwise, cut her loose.
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Post by obobfla on Feb 26, 2017 22:40:12 GMT -5
I don't have a problem with my wife's weight, and she doesn't seem to have a problem with mine. Both of us can eat better and exercise more.
Sometimes, I yell at my wife and wish she could change. It doesn't work. I've found that the best way to get my to get my wife to change is to show that I struggle with it too. I got my wife into therapy when I told her how I struggled with depression. It's how my mother got me into therapy too.
As frustrating as your wife's weight gain is, consider possible reasons. My wife ballooned as a side effect of one of her meds. Is she in pain? Could she be depressed? How about all that @andie mentioned?
Just a thought.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 28, 2017 11:44:54 GMT -5
I can certainly understand your lack of attraction. It does sound like there is something behind her weight gain. I know you are very hurt, but it might be worth it to try to talk calmly & lovingly about this issue. She is probably not healthy and would like to be more fit. Maybe that could be a way to address it.
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