Post by mariposa43 on Apr 27, 2016 6:42:42 GMT -5
So it's been a week since I posted about H leaving the house after he lost control with me and the kids. That's in the post Need Your Prayers if you'd like to catch up. And hey, I'm posting this in the Post-Sexless Marriage category because I'm headed there. Waiting for the arrival of the retainer check my sweet dad mailed to my lawyer so we can get the ball rolling with serving my STBX with divorce papers.
I said elsewhere that I was dreading telling either of my parents about the state of my sexless and emotionally abusive marriage. They both live about 11 hours away from us. I told my dad, and not only was it a seriously comforting conversation, but it turns out my dad and I will be going through a divorce at the same time! That's a whole other post to explain that one, but it was high time for him as my stepmom is batsh*t crazy. He is coming into town in a few days to be with me and the kids. My mom was shocked as I figured she would be, and so supportive. I didn't know how to approach a conversation where I would have to tell her that her SIL is not the kind of person everyone on the outside thinks he is. Anyway, that was way easier than I thought it would be. She, my stepdad, and my dad have been talking and teaming up concerning me and the kids and it is so very comforting to see. They are full of practical advice and support, and the most validating thing to hear from each of them has been that I do not need to explain or defend my divorce decision to anyone.
Yes, of the very few people who know, I've of course had a few naysayers who want to label me with a scarlet D. Oh well. I know to expect more of it, but they don't have a baby girl saying:
- that the only thing about a divorce that scares her is the thought of having to live with Daddy (I assured her she's safe and that ain't gonna happen).
- that she is scared to go to school because Daddy had threatened to come pull her out
- that she's been wanting to tell me for a long time that she's been scared of Daddy and she never liked it when I was away from the house when she and her brother were home alone with him
- that she dreaded school days off because she'd have to be in the house with him (he and I teach so our whole family more or less has the same holiday schedule)
- that she wants a new daddy (no joke; she said that 3 separate times this past weekend!)
- that she is sad about her grandparents' divorce but not mine
My 12 year old son is having a hard time with my decision, but I know he will be fine. Though he knows his dad has problems, he is young, innocent, and idealistic. He truly believes it can all just turn out rosy. I also see him trying very hard to be mature right now despite his feelings. Please keep him in your prayers.
I'm getting them both to the therapist my attorney recommended. And their school principal, teachers, and taekwondo instructors are doing everything they can to support them and protect them through this time. They are 52 kinds of awesome.
Locks are changed on the house, and it is comforting to know that the next time(s) he gets in will be to get his stuff.
It's always good to receive extra validation, not the least of which has included finding out that STBX initiated a bribe at his job. Very seldom had it in him to initiate sex with Yours Truly, but I'm glad to know he can initiate shady activities.
I think my favorite validating moment was hearing my attorney say the following:
"Now usually in this initial consultation with a potential divorce client, I honestly try to get a feel for whether the marriage might still have a chance. I'll ask if there is any way this marriage can be saved and see if the client is open to being referred to a counselor, etc. In your case, based on what you've told me, I'm gonna just skip that little talk altogether." Yup.
The texts and other actions from my STBX from the minute all this happened a week ago have been weird and troubling. I've just been very firm in not engaging him. Though he has gone to great lengths to apologize to the kids, he is doing all kinds of things to bait me, not the least of which includes manipulating our pastor. He obviously told something of this to our pastor, and God only knows what it was, but he is at that point where he is trying to control how I am seen, since he has figured out that he can no longer control me. I haven't talked to anyone at church, and sadly the kids and I will have to find another church either for the time being, or for good. I do have faith that the truth will eventually come out. I will continue to take the high road. I also know he's in Desperate Man Mode, which is again more confirmation that I'm doing the right thing in running the other direction as quickly as I can.
Right now, my motto as I told my mom: All big girl panties, all the time.
I said elsewhere that I was dreading telling either of my parents about the state of my sexless and emotionally abusive marriage. They both live about 11 hours away from us. I told my dad, and not only was it a seriously comforting conversation, but it turns out my dad and I will be going through a divorce at the same time! That's a whole other post to explain that one, but it was high time for him as my stepmom is batsh*t crazy. He is coming into town in a few days to be with me and the kids. My mom was shocked as I figured she would be, and so supportive. I didn't know how to approach a conversation where I would have to tell her that her SIL is not the kind of person everyone on the outside thinks he is. Anyway, that was way easier than I thought it would be. She, my stepdad, and my dad have been talking and teaming up concerning me and the kids and it is so very comforting to see. They are full of practical advice and support, and the most validating thing to hear from each of them has been that I do not need to explain or defend my divorce decision to anyone.
Yes, of the very few people who know, I've of course had a few naysayers who want to label me with a scarlet D. Oh well. I know to expect more of it, but they don't have a baby girl saying:
- that the only thing about a divorce that scares her is the thought of having to live with Daddy (I assured her she's safe and that ain't gonna happen).
- that she is scared to go to school because Daddy had threatened to come pull her out
- that she's been wanting to tell me for a long time that she's been scared of Daddy and she never liked it when I was away from the house when she and her brother were home alone with him
- that she dreaded school days off because she'd have to be in the house with him (he and I teach so our whole family more or less has the same holiday schedule)
- that she wants a new daddy (no joke; she said that 3 separate times this past weekend!)
- that she is sad about her grandparents' divorce but not mine
My 12 year old son is having a hard time with my decision, but I know he will be fine. Though he knows his dad has problems, he is young, innocent, and idealistic. He truly believes it can all just turn out rosy. I also see him trying very hard to be mature right now despite his feelings. Please keep him in your prayers.
I'm getting them both to the therapist my attorney recommended. And their school principal, teachers, and taekwondo instructors are doing everything they can to support them and protect them through this time. They are 52 kinds of awesome.
Locks are changed on the house, and it is comforting to know that the next time(s) he gets in will be to get his stuff.
It's always good to receive extra validation, not the least of which has included finding out that STBX initiated a bribe at his job. Very seldom had it in him to initiate sex with Yours Truly, but I'm glad to know he can initiate shady activities.
I think my favorite validating moment was hearing my attorney say the following:
"Now usually in this initial consultation with a potential divorce client, I honestly try to get a feel for whether the marriage might still have a chance. I'll ask if there is any way this marriage can be saved and see if the client is open to being referred to a counselor, etc. In your case, based on what you've told me, I'm gonna just skip that little talk altogether." Yup.
The texts and other actions from my STBX from the minute all this happened a week ago have been weird and troubling. I've just been very firm in not engaging him. Though he has gone to great lengths to apologize to the kids, he is doing all kinds of things to bait me, not the least of which includes manipulating our pastor. He obviously told something of this to our pastor, and God only knows what it was, but he is at that point where he is trying to control how I am seen, since he has figured out that he can no longer control me. I haven't talked to anyone at church, and sadly the kids and I will have to find another church either for the time being, or for good. I do have faith that the truth will eventually come out. I will continue to take the high road. I also know he's in Desperate Man Mode, which is again more confirmation that I'm doing the right thing in running the other direction as quickly as I can.
Right now, my motto as I told my mom: All big girl panties, all the time.
