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Post by baza on Feb 28, 2017 20:40:01 GMT -5
Just to add -
It is NOT a crime to place a very low value on marital sex.
Nor is it a hanging offence to place a premium value on marital sex.
They are both perfectly valid positions (for the individuals involved).
And I personally cannot see why a union between two spouses - neither of whom place much value on marital sex - could not be a great success.
Just as a union between two spouses who place a premium value on marital sex could be a great success.
But just as obviously, if you have one spouse not placing much value on marital sex, and another spouse who places a premium value on it, then, you have a big non-fixable fuck up.
And, it ain't necessarily* anyones "fault".
It is what it is.
* obviously if one spouse baited and switched the other, there is a basic dishonesty in the mix, and "blame" can be apportioned, if you wish to do that. Not that apportioning blame will do anything to bring the matter to resolution.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 1, 2017 11:46:06 GMT -5
Bargaining. It's fun for goods and services to get the best deal. Bargaining for sex with your spouse, that's demeaning. It never occurred to me to use tactics such as scented candles because I hate game playing. The first time I read about it, it made me cringe. Right, I'm going to shave, buff and gloss myself, put on a sexy something, light a candle and wait, hoping he will come to me? Pfffffffft. I'm allergic to scented candles. Yeah, I took my wife on a little weekend getaway. Her reaction - "I suppose you want to have sex too." Like that would be taking it a step too far. That 900 lb. gorilla is always in the room now.
Just curious, who is the 900 lb gorilla in this scenario? You or your wife? LOL, sorry, I couldn't resist. |
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Post by Dan on Mar 1, 2017 14:34:56 GMT -5
baza : I agree with the overall gist of your post: if something is not valued by one half of a couple, then it will be hard to ever "bargain" on that point... whether it is "keeping the bedroom floor clean", "eating healthy together", or "having regular marital sex". But on this: It is why "scheduling sex" and "date night" strategies don't work. I just wanted to add the caveat: I think that "scheduling sex" and "date night" CAN work and be part of a healthy couple's "recentering on each other" in the midst of a busy life... but I don't think they are much of a solution where SEXLESSNESS has set in due to sex being "non-valued" by one half the couple. Along these lines, I think the " Forty Beads Method" is brilliant... IF you are couple that it works for, and a total waste of time if you are NOT a couple it will work for!
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Post by baza on Mar 1, 2017 17:52:54 GMT -5
I tend to take a view that someone who arrives in this group has already extensively deployed the "scented candles" approach, the "date night" approach, the "scheduled sex" approach etc.
In other words, they have already extensively trialled the 'traditional' methods of sparking up a jaded marriage scenario.
So if they have trialled the "apple essence scented candles" tactic without success, there is not much point in suggesting they trial the "strawberry essence scented candles". Or if the red see-thru panties didn't work, then try the pink see-thru panties.
But, I do think that ALL the "scented candles" strategies are tremendously valuable as a diagnostic tool.
If you deploy these strategies, and they don't work, then you know that you are not dealing with a jaded marriage, but in fact have an ILIASM shithole on your hands.
And that, is extremely valuable information to have.
Not pleasant information at all, but highly valuable.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 2, 2017 18:02:45 GMT -5
Bargaining. It's fun for goods and services to get the best deal. Bargaining for sex with your spouse, that's demeaning. It never occurred to me to use tactics such as scented candles because I hate game playing. The first time I read about it, it made me cringe. Right, I'm going to shave, buff and gloss myself, put on a sexy something, light a candle and wait, hoping he will come to me? Pfffffffft. I'm allergic to scented candles. Agree. I find it demeaning to ask for sex, to encourage her not to look like a truck driver at home (she is pretty but has some very strange choice of clothing for home/night wear), to tell her that she could sometimes initiate love making. I am still coming to terms with the fact that these things don't come naturally to someone in an intimate relationship. |
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Post by baza on Mar 2, 2017 18:42:19 GMT -5
*If* your spouse does not place a high value on marital sex, then they are completely resistant to offers by you root them.
So your chances of them actually offering / initiating sexual contact with you in any sustainable way would rank about equally with finding Bigfoot.
And, if you can somehow, coerce them into the sack, you can look forward to "cadaver sex".
Which I guess is fine - if you are into necrophilia.
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