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Post by leifericson on Feb 21, 2017 18:10:50 GMT -5
Here I am anonymous and can finally be honest about why I stay unhappy in a SM to a room full of people who are in the same situation. Its not a single reason but many. I have been married 28 years and it was SM from the beginning (less than 10X a year) and no intimacy at all for the past 15. I stayed at first because of the example my parents set me. They remained married until they died and I wanted my kids to have the same stability. It also taught me that marriage is forever though both my siblings are on their 2nd marriage. I love my kids and did not want them to grow up without me.
I left home alone when I was 15 and moved around a lot. I missed stability and wanted a permanent home. Divorcing would set me adrift again after all these years (please don't offer advice on this).
I'm lazy (I've worked 2-3 jobs my whole life). Its easier to just stay instead of all the upheaval divorce would cause.
My kids are grown and out of the house but I still feel divorce would devastate them. I feel a responsibility to maintain a unified home even though both are independent.
Companionship - I have a good roommate who cleans, cooks and does the laundry. Someone who I will be able to grow old with even if she denies me sex and intimacy. Its probably no surprise to anyone here but I feel that I am no bargain either and this is all I deserve (low self esteem from all the rejection).
Fear - This is how my life is and what I know. I want to keep the familiar.
I have resigned myself to the SM. I have no problem flirting with women and would outsource given the chance but haven't pursued anyone seriously. My life is work, sleep, work. I still miss sex, miss a woman's body and intimacy. I end up self servicing often which tides me over and gets me though. I also think the unending rejection has twisted my sexual kink. It could be the constant frustration but I have different fantasies now than I did when I was younger.
So not looking for advice how to change but at least I have a community I can talk to about it.
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Post by shamwow on Feb 21, 2017 19:53:27 GMT -5
Welcome Viking warrior!
If you don't mind me asking, how old are your kids?
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Post by baza on Feb 21, 2017 20:26:20 GMT -5
Staying is a perfectly valid choice Brother leifericson. Every bit as valid as cheating or divorcing. Any / all of these choices result in consequences. Some good, some bad. But at least you are choosing, and owning that choice, rather than playing "the victim of circumstances". That's a good thing. |
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Post by leifericson on Feb 21, 2017 20:30:34 GMT -5
Thank you Baza. I never looked at it like that. I always feel i am doing something wrong by staying. I have been told many times that its a "bad" decision. The Validation is much appreciated.
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Post by baza on Feb 21, 2017 20:36:30 GMT -5
It may well be a bad decision Brother leifericson , time will reveal that. But it is your call to make. And, if additional information emerges to get you to reconsider your choice, you are certainly at liberty to choose again. But today, and based on what you know today, you choose to stay, and that is a perfectly valid choice. |
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Post by wewbwb on Feb 22, 2017 10:52:31 GMT -5
Here I am anonymous and can finally be honest about why I stay unhappy in a SM to a room full of people who are in the same situation. Its not a single reason but many. I have been married 28 years and it was SM from the beginning (less than 10X a year) and no intimacy at all for the past 15. I stayed at first because of the example my parents set me. They remained married until they died and I wanted my kids to have the same stability. It also taught me that marriage is forever though both my siblings are on their 2nd marriage. I love my kids and did not want them to grow up without me. I left home alone when I was 15 and moved around a lot. I missed stability and wanted a permanent home. Divorcing would set me adrift again after all these years (please don't offer advice on this). I'm lazy (I've worked 2-3 jobs my whole life). Its easier to just stay instead of all the upheaval divorce would cause. My kids are grown and out of the house but I still feel divorce would devastate them. I feel a responsibility to maintain a unified home even though both are independent. Companionship - I have a good roommate who cleans, cooks and does the laundry. Someone who I will be able to grow old with even if she denies me sex and intimacy. Its probably no surprise to anyone here but I feel that I am no bargain either and this is all I deserve (low self esteem from all the rejection). Fear - This is how my life is and what I know. I want to keep the familiar. I have resigned myself to the SM. I have no problem flirting with women and would outsource given the chance but haven't pursued anyone seriously. My life is work, sleep, work. I still miss sex, miss a woman's body and intimacy. I end up self servicing often which tides me over and gets me though. I also think the unending rejection has twisted my sexual kink. It could be the constant frustration but I have different fantasies now than I did when I was younger. So not looking for advice how to change but at least I have a community I can talk to about it. You do NOT need a reason to stay. You owe no one - NO ONE- an explanation - especially here. The only person you need to happy with your decision is YOU. Share what you are comfortable with. I support and understand your decision. It is the right one. - For you- and that is all that matters. You have my support. (For whatever that's worth) This isn't easy stuff. The decisions affect people and lives and emotions here. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 22, 2017 11:03:48 GMT -5
Here I am anonymous and can finally be honest about why I stay unhappy in a SM to a room full of people who are in the same situation. Its not a single reason but many. I have been married 28 years and it was SM from the beginning (less than 10X a year) and no intimacy at all for the past 15. I stayed at first because of the example my parents set me. They remained married until they died and I wanted my kids to have the same stability. It also taught me that marriage is forever though both my siblings are on their 2nd marriage. I love my kids and did not want them to grow up without me. I left home alone when I was 15 and moved around a lot. I missed stability and wanted a permanent home. Divorcing would set me adrift again after all these years (please don't offer advice on this). I'm lazy (I've worked 2-3 jobs my whole life). Its easier to just stay instead of all the upheaval divorce would cause. My kids are grown and out of the house but I still feel divorce would devastate them. I feel a responsibility to maintain a unified home even though both are independent. Companionship - I have a good roommate who cleans, cooks and does the laundry. Someone who I will be able to grow old with even if she denies me sex and intimacy. Its probably no surprise to anyone here but I feel that I am no bargain either and this is all I deserve (low self esteem from all the rejection). Fear - This is how my life is and what I know. I want to keep the familiar. I have resigned myself to the SM. I have no problem flirting with women and would outsource given the chance but haven't pursued anyone seriously. My life is work, sleep, work. I still miss sex, miss a woman's body and intimacy. I end up self servicing often which tides me over and gets me though. I also think the unending rejection has twisted my sexual kink. It could be the constant frustration but I have different fantasies now than I did when I was younger. So not looking for advice how to change but at least I have a community I can talk to about it. I understand completely. I stayed for 28 years myself, and waited until my kids were out of the house. It is totally your decision. It also seems that you have carefully considered it. I assume your W is also fine with the way things are? I do have to tell you, like you, my sexual fantasies really got crazy the more I lived in celibacy. Maybe you should try outsourcing to see if it changes your perspective, just a thought. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 25, 2017 0:15:51 GMT -5
It is easy. I stay because I am a fucking idiot!!!
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Post by leifericson on Feb 25, 2017 0:54:33 GMT -5
Here I am anonymous and can finally be honest about why I stay unhappy in a SM to a room full of people who are in the same situation. Its not a single reason but many. I have been married 28 years and it was SM from the beginning (less than 10X a year) and no intimacy at all for the past 15. I stayed at first because of the example my parents set me. They remained married until they died and I wanted my kids to have the same stability. It also taught me that marriage is forever though both my siblings are on their 2nd marriage. I love my kids and did not want them to grow up without me. I left home alone when I was 15 and moved around a lot. I missed stability and wanted a permanent home. Divorcing would set me adrift again after all these years (please don't offer advice on this). I'm lazy (I've worked 2-3 jobs my whole life). Its easier to just stay instead of all the upheaval divorce would cause. My kids are grown and out of the house but I still feel divorce would devastate them. I feel a responsibility to maintain a unified home even though both are independent. Companionship - I have a good roommate who cleans, cooks and does the laundry. Someone who I will be able to grow old with even if she denies me sex and intimacy. Its probably no surprise to anyone here but I feel that I am no bargain either and this is all I deserve (low self esteem from all the rejection). Fear - This is how my life is and what I know. I want to keep the familiar. I have resigned myself to the SM. I have no problem flirting with women and would outsource given the chance but haven't pursued anyone seriously. My life is work, sleep, work. I still miss sex, miss a woman's body and intimacy. I end up self servicing often which tides me over and gets me though. I also think the unending rejection has twisted my sexual kink. It could be the constant frustration but I have different fantasies now than I did when I was younger. So not looking for advice how to change but at least I have a community I can talk to about it. You do NOT need a reason to stay. You owe no one - NO ONE- an explanation - especially here. The only person you need to happy with your decision is YOU. Share what you are comfortable with. I support and understand your decision. It is the right one. - For you- and that is all that matters. You have my support. (For whatever that's worth) This isn't easy stuff. The decisions affect people and lives and emotions here. Thanks Wewbwb. Reminds me of something I've seen recently.  png upload |
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