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Post by cc on Feb 19, 2017 17:29:40 GMT -5
By that I mean, are we wired to end up in this sort of situation?
I notice from reading that your all passionate, loving, givers of your time/love/affections/money/whole being, and committed!
I mean committed in LONG TERM marriages. I see so many divorce so easily for NOTHING! Yet, so many of us here are in long marriages where we have stayed and tried over and over with no different outcomes.
Are we a type of personality or something?
If I leave how in the heck do I know I won't fall in this again!?
Also, is there a desperation phase, because I think I am in a desperation phase. I am not trying to make it work, I am not leaving, I am in this weird space of time. I feel insane. It is almost easier when your trying to repair your marriage. There is something to do!
I thank you all in advance for putting up with me in the following days.
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Post by baza on Feb 19, 2017 18:02:49 GMT -5
Quoting you here Sister cc - "I see so many divorce so easily for NOTHING!" I have a fair few years on you, and have seen (estimated) about 12 divorces where I knew the participants reasonably well, and there was not a one of them that could be described as "easy", or having "nothing" as a basis. And of my observations (since Feb 2009) in this group and its fore-runner, of members who divorced, I can't recall a one that was easy / over nothing either. In regard to members being a "type of personality", there could be something in that. But rather than giving ourselves a big tick on matters like "passionate, loving, givers of your time/love/affections/money/whole being, and committed!", it could be that we just have unhealthily high tolerance levels to bullshit behaviour.(that is my take on me and my deal at least) |
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Post by cc on Feb 20, 2017 0:04:32 GMT -5
Yes, yes, most likely a high tolerance. But why!? I completely bewildered about this.
I have seen divorce over nothing! A good friend in fact. Dated this girl, got married. She was crazy about him. She left the next week saying she just wasn't feeling it. Why get married!
One girlfriend had her husband leave because she had one too many kids for him. He helped make them!
That's just two...To me they gave those reasons. Unless they want to retract, that's nothing. I'm speaking in relation to what I see others going through.
My best friend's is going through something very painful with her soon to be ex. Like I have days I must talk her down she has such bad moments.
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Post by warmways on Feb 20, 2017 0:08:55 GMT -5
I completely relate to what you're saying about being in the "desperation phase" and know you have to repairing the marriage. - it's totally bizarre to be in between. I know! You're not yet leaving but you're not working on repairing it either.
As for a type - I was actually thinking about that a few days ago. IMO we have a higher than healthy threshold for allowing our boundaries to be crossed or at least I know I did. But I do think that all of seem to share a very high capacity for patience, empathy, loyalty, intuition, giving the benefit of the doubt and not giving up and giving, giving and giving!!!
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Post by shamwow on Feb 20, 2017 1:05:45 GMT -5
By that I mean, are we wired to end up in this sort of situation? I notice from reading that your all passionate, loving, givers of your time/love/affections/money/whole being, and committed! I mean committed in LONG TERM marriages. I see so many divorce so easily for NOTHING! Yet, so many of us here are in long marriages where we have stayed and tried over and over with no different outcomes. Are we a type of personality or something? If I leave how in the heck do I know I won't fall in this again!? Also, is there a desperation phase, because I think I am in a desperation phase. I am not trying to make it work, I am not leaving, I am in this weird space of time. I feel insane. It is almost easier when your trying to repair your marriage. There is something to do! I thank you all in advance for putting up with me in the following days. cc I wouldn't say that not working on the marriage but not leaving is common. It basically comes from a condition known as "head resisting being slammed into the concrete yet again syndrome" Eventually something will give. Some straw will finally break the camel's back. As is typical with straws it may seem petty and maybe trivial. In my case it was a Facebook post of all things. But I was where you are at for YEARS with no results. It's a pretty shitty place until you realize the oonly person keeping you there is you. |
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