Post by timeforliving2 on Apr 26, 2016 18:24:21 GMT -5
I know how much a SM messes with our heads... our emotional state... our feeling of self-worth.When you're in that cycle, it can be hard to break out. With that in mind, I am re-posting a well-liked short story that can help us to dig just a little deeper to find the courage to start changing things. Because one thing is for certain... the status quo isn't working. Therefore, to create some kind of change, you've got to start (or keep) doing something different. So without further ado...
I Am No Nonger Accepting...
The focus of this post is not really religious, but just for a frame of reference, the well-known "Serenity Prayer" goes like this:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Many of us I think grew up with this in the back of our heads. While this may be helpful for some people in terms of how to deal with certain things which they can or cannot control, in the context of sexless marriages, it can steer us in the wrong direction if we're not careful.
Now here's my main point. I saw a great post / sign recently from a friend on FB... and it is a twist on the Serenity Prayer:
"I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change. I am changing the things I cannot accept."
For those of us with sexless marriages, this is *much* clearer... and empowering.
I adopted this TWIST on the traditional Serenity Prayer: "I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change. I am changing the things I cannot accept." Life goes on. Time marches on. No more status quo. It's time for living.
You are in control of your own choices, and that's it.
In an ILIASM context - #1 - your spouse may choose to withdraw sex. Your control over his choice is zero. #2 - your choice (in light of his choice) is whether you are going to cop it or not, and his control over your choice is zero.
What tends to happen though, is that you - under these situations- is to go along with his choice. You go along with it unwillingly, resentfully, unhappily, and in a pretty pissed off manner. But, you DO go along with it. In effect, you CHOOSE to go along with it. And YOU get to wear the consequences of that choice.
It was - and still is - not your spouses choice that you have stayed. It is - and always was - YOUR choice.
And, you can re-visit your choice whenever you like. Objectively re-assess it. And if you want, change it.
mirrororchid: Thanks, Isthisit. Celebrating the day we broke from the UK and chose to govern ourselves! Looking like a less good idea the last 50 years, but a little late. The Brits might say, "No backsies."
Jul 7, 2021 18:03:59 GMT -5
Handy: Petrushka, How is your knee replacement recovery going?
Jul 15, 2021 0:22:34 GMT -5
worksforme2: Hope you are OK Tamara 68.....
Jul 16, 2021 11:11:59 GMT -5
petrushka: Handy it is going. Still painful. First session with the physio yesterday and he was enthusiastic about my range of movement, and says many people never even get that far after the full 6 weeks physio. OK, I'll take it ;-) but it still hurts. A lot.
Jul 16, 2021 15:58:37 GMT -5
petrushka: I was concerned about some things, like how far I can [not] lift my leg, straightened, but he allayed my worries on that account. Seems I'm not at all behind the curve.
Jul 16, 2021 16:02:27 GMT -5
Handy: Petrushka, I am happy to hear your range of motion is still decent. My W had knee surgery so I was aware of at least most of her rehabilitation difficulties. Yes, it still hurts big time for you but seeing my W's recovery, it takes time and exercising.
Jul 16, 2021 17:05:15 GMT -5
njsojourner: I hope everyone is well! Thought I would share that I am still having a blast outsourcing. I now have a regular fuck buddy and she is great. Same situation as me but a few years younger. In fact, her sex drive is crazier than mine and stranger.
Jul 16, 2021 21:50:15 GMT -5
njsojourner: Hi all. I thought I’d just share I am still having a blast — I now have a regular fuck buddy. She is younger by 6 years and full of energy and into fetishes-she likes to “force” me to have sex in public places —I love it.
Jul 16, 2021 21:54:49 GMT -5
tamara68: worksforme2: I am ok, thank you. The floods in Belgium are about 50 or 60 miles from where I live. The worst floods in decades.
Jul 17, 2021 8:54:44 GMT -5
Handy: I looked up several pages about the European floods and I saw pictures of what were possibly small streams before the floods but with all of the rain, became fast moving rivers that overflow the river banks and took everything for a wild ride.
Jul 19, 2021 15:13:23 GMT -5
petrushka: Oh man, if a river excavates 20-30 feet DOWN you have a bit of a weather event on your hands all right!
Jul 19, 2021 21:39:01 GMT -5