Post by timeforliving2 on Apr 26, 2016 18:24:21 GMT -5
I know how much a SM messes with our heads... our emotional state... our feeling of self-worth.When you're in that cycle, it can be hard to break out. With that in mind, I am re-posting a well-liked short story that can help us to dig just a little deeper to find the courage to start changing things. Because one thing is for certain... the status quo isn't working. Therefore, to create some kind of change, you've got to start (or keep) doing something different. So without further ado...
I Am No Nonger Accepting...
The focus of this post is not really religious, but just for a frame of reference, the well-known "Serenity Prayer" goes like this:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Many of us I think grew up with this in the back of our heads. While this may be helpful for some people in terms of how to deal with certain things which they can or cannot control, in the context of sexless marriages, it can steer us in the wrong direction if we're not careful.
Now here's my main point. I saw a great post / sign recently from a friend on FB... and it is a twist on the Serenity Prayer:
"I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change. I am changing the things I cannot accept."
For those of us with sexless marriages, this is *much* clearer... and empowering.
I adopted this TWIST on the traditional Serenity Prayer: "I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change. I am changing the things I cannot accept." Life goes on. Time marches on. No more status quo. It's time for living.
You are in control of your own choices, and that's it.
In an ILIASM context - #1 - your spouse may choose to withdraw sex. Your control over his choice is zero. #2 - your choice (in light of his choice) is whether you are going to cop it or not, and his control over your choice is zero.
What tends to happen though, is that you - under these situations- is to go along with his choice. You go along with it unwillingly, resentfully, unhappily, and in a pretty pissed off manner. But, you DO go along with it. In effect, you CHOOSE to go along with it. And YOU get to wear the consequences of that choice.
It was - and still is - not your spouses choice that you have stayed. It is - and always was - YOUR choice.
And, you can re-visit your choice whenever you like. Objectively re-assess it. And if you want, change it.
desertfather: I just felt lonely lately. Wanted to talk to someone.
Apr 5, 2022 8:29:18 GMT -5
mirrororchid: I mention a few online chat rooms a few posts up, desertfather. Meetup.com provides real live people to chat with. Given your ILIASM situation, a lot of folks locate a therapist. (helpful for touchy subjects you can't go over with friends for over a year.
Apr 6, 2022 4:50:03 GMT -5
worksforme2: Happy Birthday bballgirl, where ever you are.......
Jul 26, 2022 3:43:06 GMT -5
northstarmom: Thanks for the birthday wishes, worksforme2!
Jul 27, 2022 21:23:48 GMT -5
onempty: Dry Creek, you are absolutely spot on with all this advice. Separate bank accounts a good idea IMO but might be harder to achieve and could cause other problems if there is a huge disparity in income.
Jul 28, 2022 13:03:11 GMT -5
worksforme2: Happy Birthday GreekGoddess.....
Aug 4, 2022 5:56:47 GMT -5