|
|
Post by ggold on Feb 17, 2017 22:41:35 GMT -5
but yet deep within my heart know it's the journey I needed to take.
|
|
|
|
Post by cc on Feb 17, 2017 22:44:47 GMT -5
Realizing it hurts...I hate divorce. I am a forever gal. It murders me.
|
|
|
|
Post by dinnaken on Feb 18, 2017 7:48:10 GMT -5
Ggold,
Only you can truly know what is right for you; it's your decision to make and the consequences will be your's to live with.
But
Personally, I know that I've wasted 26 years of my life in my marriage, a good third and the best third of my life. Don't let my story be yours.
Sorry if this is a rather gloomy post; I normally try to stay cheerful and positive but it's been a difficult morning!
All the best
|
|
|
|
Post by richfairy72 on Feb 18, 2017 8:23:53 GMT -5
Ggold, Only you can truly know what is right for you; it's your decision to make and the consequences will be your's to live with. But Personally, I know that I've wasted 26 years of my life in my marriage, a good third and the best third of my life. Don't let my story be yours. Sorry if this is a rather gloomy post; I normally try to stay cheerful and positive but it's been a difficult morning! All the best Dinnaken Don't give up hope - lots of us feel the same on here. I have wasted 23 years of my life with the wrong person.. He's not a bad person, just not for me. But on the other hand, I have to remember the good things, and not give up hope of a different future. It all feels daunting, but little steps are what we need! All I know is that I don't want to waste another year like this. Oh how I wish I had listened to that nagging doubt before we got married - the one that i squashed by thinking he would fancy me one day and it would click. Little did I know...... Take care and be kind on yourself. |
|
|
|
Post by dinnaken on Feb 18, 2017 17:24:35 GMT -5
Hi Richfairy72,
Thanks for your kind words; today it was a difficult morning and it came at the end of a demanding week. However, I've got a lot done and things have moved on quite a way.
Like you, my spouse isn't a bad person (far from it) - just not the one I should have married.
As you say, it's all about hope; after food, water and air that really is the one thing we can't live without. I realised that I had to move on when I understood that while finding happiness outside the marriage was uncertain, there was no hope of it within the marriage.
And that little nagging voice... yep, it was there for me too and I chose to ignored it. That is one lesson I really have learned, that little voice inside - listen to it.
Thanks again, take care
|
|
|
|
Post by McRoomMate on Feb 18, 2017 18:22:12 GMT -5
What an inspiring Post "Wasted" Video and Love for every one^s comments.
I wish I had that nagging voice when I committed to my current marriage . . . I was too drunk at the time to pay attention - I assume full responsibility - and sobered up a few months later.
HOPE - FAITH - ACTION - Courage to all. Yes Divorce and Change are almost always inherently painful and fear ridden paths - but such is the path to Freedom.
May all here be blessed with Courage to Weigh / Decide / and take that Action !
|
|
|
|
Post by shamwow on Feb 19, 2017 9:55:59 GMT -5
Goldie,
I have a different take on it. I'm not sure that everything that happens to us happens for a reason, but I am certain that everything that happens to us shapes us in some way. Let's face it, being in an SM for a couple decades is not anything any one of us would have chosen for ourselves. And most of us would do almost anything to get out of this nightmare. Recently, a very good friend of mine and I have likened this to PTSD. I think it's a good analogy in many regards, and I will spend many years healing.
However, I cannot in truth consider these "wasted years". I have two beautiful children. It is the greatest honor of my life to be their father. I would die for them, and I would go through this entire mess all over again for them. No waste there.
I have also learned many virtues, and am as a result a better man (I sometimes tended to be a pretty self-centered ass in the old days). I have learned patience. I have learned compassion. I am one hell of a lot less judgmental than I used to be. The world is no longer so black and white. And I have truly learned forgiveness. I have learned not to sweat the small stuff. In many ways, this was not a waste, it was a gift.
As my wife and I end this chapter of our lives over the next 16 months, we are both trying to do it with grace and dignity. We just had a conversation this morning about how we want to stay friends when this is done. She has hurt me like nobody else ever has and I hope ever will. But this process has taught me to forgive, and I am not going to waste that opportunity to remain friends.
I'm still relatively young. Just because I struck out (hell, was hit by pitch) at love, doesn't mean the time was wasted or there won't be another time up at the plate. Feeling pretty optimistic this fine Sunday morning.
|
|
|
|
Post by ggold on Feb 19, 2017 12:18:59 GMT -5
Goldie, I have a different take on it. I'm not sure that everything that happens to us happens for a reason, but I am certain that everything that happens to us shapes us in some way. Let's face it, being in an SM for a couple decades is not anything any one of us would have chosen for ourselves. And most of us would do almost anything to get out of this nightmare. Recently, a very good friend of mine and I have likened this to PTSD. I think it's a good analogy in many regards, and I will spend many years healing. However, I cannot in truth consider these "wasted years". I have two beautiful children. It is the greatest honor of my life to be their father. I would die for them, and I would go through this entire mess all over again for them. No waste there. I have also learned many virtues, and am as a result a better man (I sometimes tended to be a pretty self-centered ass in the old days). I have learned patience. I have learned compassion. I am one hell of a lot less judgmental than I used to be. The world is no longer so black and white. And I have truly learned forgiveness. I have learned not to sweat the small stuff. In many ways, this was not a waste, it was a gift. As my wife and I end this chapter of our lives over the next 16 months, we are both trying to do it with grace and dignity. We just had a conversation this morning about how we want to stay friends when this is done. She has hurt me like nobody else ever has and I hope ever will. But this process has taught me to forgive, and I am not going to waste that opportunity to remain friends. I'm still relatively young. Just because I struck out (hell, was hit by pitch) at love my first run through, doesn't mean the time was wasted or there won't be another time up at the plate. Feeling pretty optimistic this fine Sunday morning. Thanks for sharing your perspective!! Yes, I do not necessarily consider all of my years wasted with him. I have three wonderful children with him through adoption. This is why I believe there was a reason for us being together. I also believe that my marriage taught me many lessons on my life's journey. I have grown in many, many ways as well. My interpretation of this song is that I don't want to waste anymore time in being unhappy in this marriage. I finally faced it after many years, that if I stay then YES I will waste time....time to be happy, time to be the woman that I am, time to be the best mother I can be. So many years have gone by being hurt. This is what truly is the hardest to grasp.  Glad you are feeling optimistic...hold on to that feeling!! GG |
|
|
|
Post by ggold on Feb 19, 2017 12:20:00 GMT -5
What an inspiring Post "Wasted" Video and Love for every one^s comments. I wish I had that nagging voice when I committed to my current marriage . . . I was too drunk at the time to pay attention - I assume full responsibility - and sobered up a few months later. HOPE - FAITH - ACTION - Courage to all. Yes Divorce and Change are almost always inherently painful and fear ridden paths - but such is the path to Freedom. May all here be blessed with Courage to Weigh / Decide / and take that Action ! Such beautiful words! Yes, we all need to find the courage. That is step 1! It's within us all! |
|
|
|
Post by ggold on Feb 19, 2017 12:23:13 GMT -5
Ggold, Only you can truly know what is right for you; it's your decision to make and the consequences will be your's to live with. But Personally, I know that I've wasted 26 years of my life in my marriage, a good third and the best third of my life. Don't let my story be yours. Sorry if this is a rather gloomy post; I normally try to stay cheerful and positive but it's been a difficult morning! All the best You are correct, I do know what is right for me. I made the decision to divorce and we are on that path. There may be consequences to this decision, but I am more afraid to stay in this loveless marriage than to leave it. It's okay to be gloomy. God, I fight the gloom all of the time!! Some days, I just want to sleep and stay in bed. Some days are better and I am very hopeful. None of this is easy. Allow yourself to feel it all. I am sending you positive vibes. ((hugs)) |
|
|
|
Post by shamwow on Feb 19, 2017 12:53:43 GMT -5
Goldie, I have a different take on it. I'm not sure that everything that happens to us happens for a reason, but I am certain that everything that happens to us shapes us in some way. Let's face it, being in an SM for a couple decades is not anything any one of us would have chosen for ourselves. And most of us would do almost anything to get out of this nightmare. Recently, a very good friend of mine and I have likened this to PTSD. I think it's a good analogy in many regards, and I will spend many years healing. However, I cannot in truth consider these "wasted years". I have two beautiful children. It is the greatest honor of my life to be their father. I would die for them, and I would go through this entire mess all over again for them. No waste there. I have also learned many virtues, and am as a result a better man (I sometimes tended to be a pretty self-centered ass in the old days). I have learned patience. I have learned compassion. I am one hell of a lot less judgmental than I used to be. The world is no longer so black and white. And I have truly learned forgiveness. I have learned not to sweat the small stuff. In many ways, this was not a waste, it was a gift. As my wife and I end this chapter of our lives over the next 16 months, we are both trying to do it with grace and dignity. We just had a conversation this morning about how we want to stay friends when this is done. She has hurt me like nobody else ever has and I hope ever will. But this process has taught me to forgive, and I am not going to waste that opportunity to remain friends. I'm still relatively young. Just because I struck out (hell, was hit by pitch) at love my first run through, doesn't mean the time was wasted or there won't be another time up at the plate. Feeling pretty optimistic this fine Sunday morning. Thanks for sharing your perspective!! Yes, I do not necessarily consider all of my years wasted with him. I have three wonderful children with him through adoption. This is why I believe there was a reason for us being together. I also believe that my marriage taught me many lessons on my life's journey. I have grown in many, many ways as well. My interpretation of this song is that I don't want to waste anymore time in being unhappy in this marriage. I finally faced it after many years, that if I stay then YES I will waste time....time to be happy, time to be the woman that I am, time to be the best mother I can be. So many years have gone by being hurt. This is what truly is the hardest to grasp. Glad you are feeling optimistic...hold on to that feeling!! GG That is an EXCELLENT point. Up until now, I have not wasted time. However, once I realized I was in this SM shithole, if I didn't do anything to get out of it or fix it or something, the time from that point would be wasted. |
|
|
|
Post by dinnaken on Feb 20, 2017 16:10:11 GMT -5
Ggold, Only you can truly know what is right for you; it's your decision to make and the consequences will be your's to live with. But Personally, I know that I've wasted 26 years of my life in my marriage, a good third and the best third of my life. Don't let my story be yours. Sorry if this is a rather gloomy post; I normally try to stay cheerful and positive but it's been a difficult morning! All the best You are correct, I do know what is right for me. I made the decision to divorce and we are on that path. There may be consequences to this decision, but I am more afraid to stay in this loveless marriage than to leave it. It's okay to be gloomy. God, I fight the gloom all of the time!! Some days, I just want to sleep and stay in bed. Some days are better and I am very hopeful. None of this is easy. Allow yourself to feel it all. I am sending you positive vibes. ((hugs)) Hi Ggold, Many thanks for message. Like you, the turning point for me came when I contemplated my future inside the marriage and there was a moment of clarity when I realised that there simply wasn't one. Thanks for the permission to be gloomy! You're absolutely right, it is OK and perfectly natural, it comes and goes for all of us. I am by nature a bit melancholy and it can tip over into mild depression, which I've learnt to control but I think it's best not to go there in the first place. Thanks for the positive vibes... I don't think I'm far out from being separated (fingers crossed) but there are still hard things to do I'm experiencing a weird mixture of excitement and fearfulness. Fingers crossed for us... let's not dwell too much in the past, rather let's learn the lessons and get excited for the future - whatever it brings. Very best wishes |
|
|
|
Post by baza on Feb 20, 2017 18:34:40 GMT -5
In the peloton of ILIASM escapees, there is one common thing they all invariably say - "I wish I had done this earlier". You can deduce from that, that just about every escapee believes they "could" have gotten out earlier than they actually did. Sister @ggold I think that *your* timing is going to be exactly "right" for you. Just as *my* timing was "right" for me. Just as Sister bballgirl timing was "right" for her. Just like many other escapees time was "right" for them. There is no definitive "right" time. There is just *YOUR* time. And it looks like *your* time is nigh. |
|
|
|
Post by ggold on Feb 20, 2017 20:10:09 GMT -5
In the peloton of ILIASM escapees, there is one common thing they all invariably say - "I wish I had done this earlier". You can deduce from that, that just about every escapee believes they "could" have gotten out earlier than they actually did. Sister @ggold I think that *your* timing is going to be exactly "right" for you. Just as *my* timing was "right" for me. Just as Sister bballgirl timing was "right" for her. Just like many other escapees time was "right" for them. There is no definitive "right" time. There is just *YOUR* time. And it looks like *your* time is nigh. Oh baza, you are soooo right!! |
|
