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Post by darktippedrose on Mar 25, 2016 18:48:54 GMT -5
I talked to my doctor about my fatigue and my troubles. She says I'm dealing with a lot in all directions. She recommended counseling.
WEEKS later, we finally found someone who accepts medicaid. I'm a big anxious and looking forward to it. Its a bit out of my way and its gonna be hard to afford the transportation but I hope that its worth it.
I was told several times that counseling can't do anything but good things for me. And my anti-depressants are helping so far. But my stress levels are constantly increasing. I can't get a break in that way.
(for those that don't know me, my husband's friend and his wife are living with us. They sleep in the master bedroom, my girls in their room, my son in his, my husband in the computer room and me in the living room. So I kind of get down at how backwards this is. I'm the woman of the house and IIIII am the one thats supposed to be getting sex in the master bedroom. le sigh. So they get to have sex (I know she doesn't see the big deal because she is circumcised and doesn't think its a big deal) and I do not. It feels like I'm getting my nose rubbed in the carpet even more)
anyways, that adds extra sex in addition to my husband being too religious to touch me but not too much to touch others and trying to raise my 3 kidz with autism. Its just overwhelming so I hope it really helps.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 25, 2016 22:21:42 GMT -5
Ok, let me get this straight. There is another couple sleeping in YOUR master bedroom? And your husband won't fuck you? Plus, the woman has had her clitoris removed? This is wrong on all kinds of levels. Yes, you need counseling asap.
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Post by darktippedrose on Mar 26, 2016 2:11:01 GMT -5
yes they've been here a couple of months. I haven't had sex for almost 3 years now. I've been sleeping in the living room for 2 years now because it hurts too much to go to bed in a big cold bed and lay next to someone who recoils from you if they accidentally touch you.
So thats why I sleep in the living room, and also so my kidz don't run off because they have autism and are runners.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 26, 2016 10:12:57 GMT -5
I'm glad you're getting some counseling - it really can help enormously. One of my favorite things about seeing my therapist is that I can say ANYTHING I WANT. I don't have to be nice, I don't have to be fair, I don't have to pretend I'm okay - it's a completely safe place for me. And it's not just getting support that is helpful, it's the questions he asks me that really make me think. I've had some surprising revelations in therapy. He's also really helped me see the things I do that hold me back or hurt me - old habits/patterns, flawed thinking, etc. Make sure to stick with it - it can take a few sessions to get going. Keep us updated on how it goes!
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counseling
Mar 26, 2016 14:53:05 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by Deleted on Mar 26, 2016 14:53:05 GMT -5
I don't know how you do it because that is so much to deal with. I'm glad you are getting to see a professional, and I hope something good will come from it.
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Post by darktippedrose on Mar 27, 2016 0:57:29 GMT -5
I sure hope so to. Its next saturday and I can't wait. All of my relatives say its gonna be a good thing. We'll wait and see.
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Post by Rhapsodee on Mar 27, 2016 13:45:04 GMT -5
Oh god, what a nightmare. Your husband isn't dealing with your children's autism well at all. Being religious, he may be associating sex with pregnancy and he is terrified of another pregnancy. Even if you are using some form of birth control or had surgery, he can't in his mind separate the making love to you from procreation. Religions stress that sex is only for procreation. Religion does so much damage to so many good people.
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Post by darktippedrose on Mar 27, 2016 18:53:11 GMT -5
he started rejecting me after 2 weeks of marriage. He felt too emasculated by me. Having sex with me when I wanted him made him feel like a boy toy and not a man.
he has a thing with his masculinity. Too many things are on the list that make him feel like a b***h or a boy toy. Hes a man, he doesn't do those things.
or because he's black, its because he's black. And everything is something weak that only white men do.
le sigh.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 6, 2016 23:00:56 GMT -5
I spent 10 years in counseling after the wedding. Went to three different sex therapists a marriage counselor, a psychologist and two psychiatrists. I spent thousands of dollars over the years. I also spent years researching everything I could get my hands on regarding sexual desire and sexless marriages. All to no avail. The only conclusion I came to is that the type of sexual relationship I want is not conducive to marriage and I have had to make a decision- do without sex and be part of a family, or live alone and enjoy regular sexual experiences like I did when I was single. Since my only living relatives are my wife and two kids I have opted to stay in the marriage but I am constantly torn and the sexual loneliness is often unbearable. I did try many years ago to suggest to my wife we have an open marriage but she refused. I'm not sure counselling really works, at least not in my case.
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Post by Chatter Fox on Apr 7, 2016 7:54:18 GMT -5
Wow! You definitely have your hands full!
I am also in therapy. It is helpful. One thing to know going in is that it isn't always easy. I'm by no means trying to discourage you. I just wish I knew going in that I would sometimes have to face things about myself that I didn't want to face. In the end though, I am glad that I am facing these things.
Its kind of like getting naked with a stranger as they point out things about your body that aren't quite pretty. Now granted, it's not always like that. A good therapist will help you feel comfortable in your "nakedness" and they will point out and highlight the pretty parts about you as they gently and compassionately help you acknowledge the parts that you'd rather not focus on.
The bottom line is that you should feel comfortable with your therapist and feel as though you trust them enough to reveal things about yourself that are very personal and very sensitive.
A good therapist will know how to help you feel supported but will also know how to deliver the tough love in a way that is compassionate and gentle.
I've struggled with this with my therapist. She can sometimes be a bit blunt and I'm a bit sensitive. I've been seeing her for about a year. She's one bad session away from being replaced. I've told her how I feel and she's been very good lately in her delivery.
Anyway, point is, in my opinion you should usually feel better after a therapy session. Sometimes you might feel worse though. That is normal. Especially if it was a particularly rough session that focused on things that were hard to accept. If you regularly feel judged though then it's time to find a new therapist.
You sound like you have a husband that really takes advantage of you. I can relate. I have felt taken advantage of in my marriage as well. In therapy, I'm not asked to talk much about my wife's faults. We talk about mine. My wife is in charge of her faults. I am in charge of mine. I can sit there and say "she shouldn't take advantage of me!" and I may be correct, but the fact of the matter is that I can't change her. I can only change myself. So that means looking in the mirror and seeing how I allow her to take advantage of me because I don't stand up for myself. Usually my defense to that is "I shouldn't have to stand up to my wife!". ...and maybe I'm right about that as well... but again, I can't make her be someone that doesn't take advantage of me. I can, however, learn how to love myself by making sure that I am not taken advantage of. I can choose to love myself and tell myself "I deserve better and I won't stand for it!". That kind of attitude switch is difficult for me. I avoid conflict. I hate conflict. Therapy has made me acknowledge how much poison I swallow by not facing conflict. Sadly, it sometimes feels as though I am blaming myself for the way my wife treats me. That is hard to handle. That is the kind of thing I'm talking about when I say that therapy isn't easy. Its work. It's not easy work either but it is worth it.
I suspect you may find yourself on a similar journey to become more assertive. You should not be kicked out of your own bedroom. Thats a bunch of crap! You deserve better. You also should not be denied physical affection from the one person on the planet that you are allowed to have physical affection with. That is also crap! You deserve better!
I wish you luck. *sending you strength * You can do this!
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